Sweet Hearts Dance Page #2

this goddamn gym built...

before Valentine's Day if I going to

parade those old farts around?

Well, it's their gym.

They're paying for it.

What do they think,

I can't do the job?

No, Wiley.

Yes, I still got it.

I'm going to miss

this old firetrap, you know.

Scored 33 points

against Manchester in here.

That was an all-girl team.

Yes, but they were tall.

Yes, I'm going to miss it too.

I think Kyle was conceived

right up there.

Yes, Sandy and I couldn't keep

our hands off each other back then.

Wasn't your hands

that were the problem.

Who is this?

Oh, that's the high school

principal in training.

- No.

- It is.

Where am I supposed

to put the urinals?

- Same shirt, I think.

- I can't believe this is you.

Your ears are so big.

Oh, my God.

It's the haircut. Everybody's ears

were big in those pictures.

- No, it's not the hair.

- It's not true, Sam.

Sam, see, look at this.

You're crazy, man.

The girls' locker room is right there.

If we put the boys' room right there...

I loved this dress.

My mom made this prom dress.

Took her a month.

She did it all by hand.

I was so afraid that Wiley

wasn't going to like it.

- Did he?

- Right there in the drawing.

I don't know. Wiley, do you remember

that dress that my mom made?

The white one with the pink sash

for the prom?

- Did you like that?

- Oh, yeah, I loved it.

All 43 buttons of it.

Look. You and Wiley

look perfect together.

They were always right

for each other.

Sam...

your date here for the prom...

she had rather large ears also.

I remember her.

As I recall, we used to have to

tie her down in heavy winds.

My mother arranged it

because nobody else would take her.

That doesn't explain why he went out

with her for another month afterward.

- She was very nice, really.

- She was nice, actually.

- Let's go.

- Now you're leaving?

Well, maybe you should also know

that before the prom...

he gave her a feather

instead of a corsage.

Good night, Sam.

My God, look at this.

I must have driven 100 miles

looking for that corsage.

Did you really?

Yes. I damn near drove the wheels

off my dad's truck.

I didn't know that.

I really loved it.

I slept with it on my pillow

for about three weeks.

Gosh, look at these faces.

Well, better clean up

the dishes.

Yes, I going to get to bed.

That's all right.

I'm awake.

It was nice of you to take Kyle.

I promised I'd take him this year.

What?

Nothing.

We don't kiss very much anymore.

I know.

Cold out there?

I'll just never father children,

now that my dong's disappeared.

Gets colder every year.

You notice that?

It's just 'cause

we get older every year.

Our blood keeps getting thinner.

Well, then maybe

we'd better thicken it up.

Dad.

- Yes?

- Can we come in?

Nope.

Be warmer if we let them in.

Okay.

No farting.

Oh, now that's really cute.

Who did that?

Oh, God.

I wish they all

could be California

- I wish they all could be...

- What the hell is that?

- Beach Boys.

- I wish they all could be California

- No, it's David Lee Roth.

- They all could be California girls

No, that's The Beatles, isn't it?

The West Coast has the sunshine

And the girls all get so tanned

I dig a French bikini

on Hawaii island dolls

By a palm tree

in the sand

I been all around

this great big world

And I seen all kinds of girls

I win last year?

Well, I won the year before.

Well, I know I won

the year before that.

Yes, yeah, my skate broke.

Good luck, guys.

Dad, nice knowing you.

Kyle, stay close

to the islands there.

So...

what's the score lifetime?

Boon 10, Manners 10.

- On your mark.

- Well...

this is kind of

an important one then, isn't it?

Get set.

Winner gets Miss Nims.

Go!

Let's hear it for the tortoises!

Go on by, suckers.

This is my strategy.

Whoa!

Oh, no, Dad.

Sam! Mr. Manners!

Kyle, wait.

This ice is a little thin over here?

Go back!

You old dong, Wiley.

I know.

Get a blanket.

Hi, Dad.

Here.

You boys, take your shoes off

and go get the truck.

- You trust me to drive?

- Go.

And you meet us at Nelson Bridge.

You know where I mean?

Yes, I trust...

Go on. Just go on. Hurry up.

Be careful!

You cheated, Wiley. All my life,

never known you to cheat.

What's the matter?

I don't think I'm...

happy.

Well, you don't seem real happy.

Are you worried about the gym?

No, I'm not worried

about the goddamn gym.

I suppose you think I'm stupid.

No, I don't.

I want to break up with Sandy.

What?

I don't want to be married

and have three kids and everything.

A little late to be thinking

about this, isn't it?

Everybody sit down

and think of something nice to say.

Now I'll go first

since it's my house...

and I am the oldest

and the wisest.

I am thankful

we're all here together.

Used to mean so much to my mother

to have her whole brood...

around her at Thanksgiving...

even though we didn't

particularly like each other.

And I would like to welcome

Sam's new friend Abby.

- Adie.

- Oh, yes, of course.

I'm so sorry.

- Now who's next?

- Now, Mother.

I'm thankful that we all haven't died

in a nuclear bomb yet.

- Amen.

- Me too.

- Next?

- Miss Nims.

You don't have to

if you don't want to.

It's just a tradition

we can't seem to get rid of.

- No, I don't mind.

- Well.

I guess I'm thankful that...

Sam was too stupid to hire me

to teach in the high school...

because then it would have been

illegal or something for us to go out...

and I wouldn't get to be here

and have this nice meal...

with all you nice people.

Well, that's not why

I didn't hire you.

But you're right,

that was pretty smart.

Why didn't you hire me?

Because I didn't think

you'd had enough experience.

Oh. So, now you're helping me

get experience. Is that it?

I think we're having

our first fight.

It wasn't just me, anyway.

I have the school board to answer to.

We're waiting to see

what you're thankful for, Sam.

Right, okay.

I'm thankful for everything

that's happened in the last...

four billion years that's made it

possible for me to meet you.

I'm thankful I'm so close

to the bathroom. I'm going to throw up.

I'm thankful

that we have each other.

- I think we're very lucky.

- Speak for yourself.

What is wrong with you?

Nothing.

Everybody else has screwed up.

Well, if it's so diff! Cult for you,

why don't you leave?

Wiley, what are you doing?

Are you just going to ruin everything?

Is that the idea?

I don't know. Maybe.

Well, you're sure working

hard enough at it.

No, I'm not.

It comes naturally to me.

Nothing to it.

Where do you think

you're going, anyway?

Maybe I'll stay at the gym.

It's my goddamn gym.

Is that what you want me to do?

Yes, that's what

I want you to do, Wiley.

Oh, I made this.

I mean, when I was little.

- Hello.

- Hi.

What are you doing?

Is that for you?

- Yes.

- What are you doing?

Admiring the Christmas tree.

Sam's done a beautiful job

with the tree.

Yes, I particularly

like the chicken.

Sam loves Christmas.

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