Sweet Home Alabama Page #3

If you are, get off my chair.|- Mama...

I'm just sittin' here, is all.

What happened to the sound?

I turned it down|so I could hear the phone ring.

Mama!|- What, are you a clairvoyant?

It was so loud,|I couldn't hear myself think.

They could have heard it|at Joe and Lurlynn's house.

Hello?|- I only get 3 minutes.

Oh, honey, you didn't need|to call, then. Just come on by.

Well, that's the thing.

I was sorta hoping|Daddy could come get me.

So, what put you in jail this time?|- Jake and his big, fat mouth.

It's just a misunderstanding,|that's all.

Yeah, kinda like that|weddin' I paid for, huh?

I would hardly call that|a wedding.

Boy was nervous.

He was still drunk|from the night before.

Can you blame him?|- Yes, I can!

I went to the reception|by myself with puke...

all down my dress while he slept|it off in the Travelodge,...

and you're still siding with that...

I'm not sidin' with anybody.

The boy's changed, is all.

Can we just|not talk about Jake, okay?

I know he's the son you never|had, but I'm your only daughter...

and maybe you want to know|what's new with me.

Okay, shoot.

I met somebody...

and he's quite a catch.

He's really a great guy.

And I'm happy... really.

Come to Mama, sugar!

Oh, good land of the livin',|you are skin and bones.

Well, don't I get a smile?

I know you got one|in there somewhere.

Come on, come on, let's not|let all the bought air out.

Well, are you hungry, sweetie?

Do you want me to reheat you|some chicken-fried steak?

Oh, no, Mama, I'm fine.

Sweetie, you look tired.

Are you tired?|Oh, you know what?

Maybe it's the way|you're wearing your hair now.

You guys have really done|a lot with the place.

Lord, would you listen|to that accent?

Why don't you sit|in my good chair?

Now, your mama got me this|Christmas before last.

Oh, you mean the one where you|were supposed to come visit me?

I told you time and time again,|it just didn't suit.

Let me... let me get|you those tickets.

Sit down in it.|Sit down.

Now, watch this.

I mean, isn't that|quite the deal?

There are hardly words.

Now, how do I get|out of this thing?

Oh, my God!

Jake tell you|he's thinkin' of gettin' one?

Oh, I see your priorities...

Jake, jail, and then home.

Mama, it was just unfinished|business, is all.

Jake's doin' all right.|Boy's goin' places.

Once upon a time,|you were goin' places, too.

Here are your tickets.

These were a gift.

I'd rather you guys|just use them.

You know what I can't understand|is how y'all will visit...

every stupid battlefield|in the continental U.S.,...

but you can't manage|to visit your only daughter.

Well, the door swings|both ways, sweetie.

Anyway, don't get me started on|the things I don't understand.

Here we go.

Your dream for me was to get out|of this place and be somebody.

You shoved me in every beauty|pageant in the state.

I'm just sayin', is all.

What?! What are you|trying to say?!

I mean, just tell me what|I can do to make you happy!

Just make yourself happy, darlin'.

Done.|We're there, all right?

You know, I've really|made something of myself.

I have a career. People|actually want to be me.

And somebody loves me,|and I love him.

Pearl, why don't you get us that|baloney cake out the icebox?

Your mama's a complex woman.

I'm going to bed.

Good night, darlin'.

But you know nothing about her.

Are you even sure who she is?

I love her, Mom.

That's nice,|but you have to be careful.

You and I are different.

We're not better, not worse...|we're just different.

We're in public life to serve,|and to serve...

to the best of our abilities,|we have to set good examples.

Do you have to control everything?

I've put a hold on the Plaza|for the second weekend in June.

That should give you|a nice, long engagement.

We were thinking Christmas in Ireland.

If you think I'm going to let some|girl talk you into getting married...

She is not "some girl."|- ...any place but New York City.

She's my fiancee, for Christ's sake.

You are just like your father.

One minute you're brilliant,|controlled, steadfast.

The next you're throwing it all away|on some young piece of ass.

Those are your issues, Mother.

Not mine.

Hold on.

You know what? Uh...

How long does|a contested divorce take?

Mr. Buford,|I don't have 18 months.

I don't have 18 days.

Okay, well, that's just|not gonna work for me.

Don't see the likes of you|around these here parts much!

Mr. Buford, that's not gonna work.

Lady, you look like|sex on a stick in that...

Frederick Montana getup!|- I have to call you back.

Listen, bubba,|why don't you just kiss my...

...ass!|Oh, my God!

Get in the truck, there, missy,...

'cause I don't do that sort|of thing on the street.

I guess your mama raised you right.

What is that?|Calvin Klein? That's very nice.

Very good.|I better back off.

Don't want to get you in trouble|with the little lady.

There is a little lady,|isn't there?

I can hardly afford me, much|less some high-maintenance babe.

What about|Cindy What's-her-name?

You guys were real hot|and heavy in high school.

She's a women's softball coach|up in Nashville.

Well, that explains some|lingering questions that I had...

about a game of post office|we played one time.

I guess we all have our little|secrets, don't we, Bobby Ray?

Yeah, we sure do.

'Course, I read about|yours on the Internet.

What?!

Oh, I know all about|the c*cks in your henhouse.

Oh, God!|Bobby Ray!

You sure do know how|to make a girl blush.

Well, I gotta get back|to the factory,...

but are you in town|for a while?

Oh, God, I hope not. No,|I'm just hitting the bank.

Well, I better scram.

Very funny.

Been really good to see you.|- Good to see you, too.

How's your leg?

Oh, it don't give me too much|trouble, Miss Melanie.

Dorothea, I'm gonna|take my lunch.

Well, look what|the cat dragged in.

Dorothea?!

Oh, my God, you've...|- Lost 110 pounds, I know.

Well... congratulations.|- Thanks.

I noticed that you|don't have an ATM.

Oh, them things.|Russ don't want to put one in...

on account of you lose personal|contact with the customers.

Yes, that would be tragic.

Wade said you and Jake|had quite the reunion.

But that's just|pillow talk talkin'.

Are you and Wade...

Goin' on three years.

'Course,|it ain't Tiffany's.

But then again, you can't believe|everything you hear on TV.

I need to make a withdraw from my...|- Joint account?

My what?

with Jake.

From what I hear,|y'all are still married.

Why, yes.

Yes, we are.

Lookin' good.|How's the family?

Cut the sh*t.|Where's my stuff?

Now, what kind of wife|would I be...

if I didn't pick up|after my husband?

The kind that don't live here.

Now, I'm gonna ask you|one last time.

Where is the Hide-A-Key?!

I had the sweetest chat with|Wade's mama about her tractor.

Nice to see you got|your accent back.

Oh, I stumbled across|a few things today.

Holy sh*t!

What happened to the stove?!

And where are them little magnets|I had over here, huh?!

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