Swimming with Sharks

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Captioning made possible by

Lions Gate Entertainment

In Hollywood,

one of the fastest ways

to the top

is to work for someone

who's already there.

The system dictates

that one must first be a slave

before you can become

a success.

But this can be

a very demanding process.

Only a few people

have the drive

to endure the thousands

of indignities and hardships

that make up the system.

Now, this drive

is usually motivated by greed,

sometimes ambition,

sometimes even love.

There are stories of love

inspiring success

over the most

insurmountable of odds.

This is not

one of those stories.

Buddy's doin' great,

and it's great to see you,

Derrick.

I'll tell him

he owes you a call.

Cool. Thanks.

Thanks, Derrick.

Where was I?

Shelley Winters.

Shelley Winters.

Buddy invites her

to do a reading

for a part.

Now, Shelley Winters

has not auditioned

for a part

in 15, 20 years,

but Buddy can convince

a flea it needs ticks.

That's why

the man is my guy.

Who's Shelley Winters?

You know,

she's the actress.

Older, right?

Shelley comes rolling

into the office,

plops down in a chair.

Buddy was working her,

sweet-talking her.

"Got a project, new project.

Wonderful project."

Shelley's not buyin' it.

She's just sitting there.

Finally, she reaches

into her bag,

pulls out an Oscar.

No way.

An honest-to-god

Academy Award.

You're kiddin' me.

Buddy still doesn't

shut up.

He's goin' on and on

and on and on.

Buddy's sweet-talkin'

like crazy.

Shelley, not phased,

again reaches down

into her bag.

Pulls out another Oscar.

And another one.

She's got

a line of them.

Buddy shut up.

The woman is surrounded

by Oscars.

Dead silence.

Finally, she looks him

right in the eye,

and she says...

"You know...

some people

think I can act."

This coming from the future

president of Keystone Pictures.

You know, I can't

really picture her.

Who's Shelley Winters?

Wait. I got it.

She's that actress

that does the poly-denture

commercials, right?

Right, right.

And she's married

to that guy who's, like,

what, 20 years

younger than her?

Yeah. Right, right.

Stop it. Stop it.

That's Martha Raye,

you idiots.

Shelley Winters.

Winchester '73.

A place in the sun.

Patch of blue.

Lolita.

The Poseidon adventure.

Oh!

Oh!

Sure.

Yeah, yeah.

I've seen that movie.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, that was

a very good film, actually.

Sorry I asked.

I was curious.

I apologize.

Never apologize, Moe.

It's a sign of weakness.

Holy sh*t. Guy,

there's Foster Kane.

Introduce us!

The man is my god!

Guy. They let you

out of the salt mine.

To keep an eye on you, Foster.

Say hello to the boys.

Hey.

How you doing?

Good to meet you.

You're the best.

How's-- how's Buddy?

Well, he's great.

He's great.

I called the other day.

I haven't heard back,

though.

Well, I'll tell him

he owes you a call.

Ok. I appreciate that.

Be seein' you again.

Foster.

Uh, very nice...

Bye-bye.

I love that guy.

He's amazing.

Hey. Hey. Hey.

Who was that again?

That's only the most

powerful, sought-after

director in town.

What, Buddy's paging you now?

excuse me, gentlemen.

What are you doin' here?

What, are you trying

to embarrass me?

No.

No.

He is the prodigal son

of Keystone Pictures.

He is Buddy Ackerman's boy.

He is our ticket in.

So don't blow it

with your stupid questions.

Moe. Moe.

What?

You're not comin' anymore.

Don't bring him anymore.

You can't come anymore.

Ok.

Yeah, what?

Dawn?

It's Guy.

Oh, h--hey.

Hi.

Listen, um...

about the other day.

Sounds like you're

being summoned there.

He's been trying

to reach me all night.

Forget about Buddy.

Can I come over?

I--I think--

I think we

really need to talk.

Not right now, ok?

Um, I--I have

these scripts to read,

and I'm really busy.

Oh.

Uh... can--can we

do this tomorrow?

Tomorrow.

Yeah, all right.

Talk to me.

What is it?

Nothing. I--I...

there's just something

that I want to tell you,

and... uh, i--it can wait

till tomorrow.

Call me in the morning, ok?

I will.

Dawn?

What?

I really am sorry.

Ok.

Yeah, what?

Uh, it's Guy.

You beeped?

What took you so f***in' long?

Ahem, well, I--I had

to get to a phone...

Whatever.

Anyway, is it done?

Yes. I returned every call,

and I left work.

Well, that's good,

because some a**hole

complained to Cyrus

that I'm not returnin'

my calls.

I can't afford to have that.

Not now, not ever,

and certainly not when

I'm about to be promoted.

Yes.

Ok. You're right.

And, uh,

it won't happen again.

Christ, you're not

even listening, are you?

I'll tell you, Guy,

I don't think

this is working anymore.

Maybe it's time we reconsider

our relationship.

Reconsider?

What do you mean?

We'll talk about it

in the morning.

No, wait a minute.

R-reconsider what, Buddy?

What are you gonna do?

You gonna fire me?

Hold on. I got another call.

Hello? Hello?

It's still me.

Listen,

we couldn't return

a lot of calls today

'cause you've been away.

Now, what do you mean--

Hold on. Shut up.

Guy, listen,

tomorrow morning,

call the phone company,

because all my phones

are f***in' screwed up!

Cancel the call-waiting crap

and put in 2--

No, 4 extra lines

here at the house.

After you've fixed

the phones,

research who directed

the new slam-a-jam

music video.

It's got this blonde.

Find out who his agent is

and what he's doing next.

And then track down

the blonde.

She's wearing this,

um...

It's like an American flag

kind of thing.

It's draped all over her,

uh...

I don't know what.

Set up a meeting.

She's...

she's really...

she's patriotic.

The video was directed

by a she...

What the hell?

...Tracy Janowitz.

And you're a little late.

She signed a 3-picture deal

with Universal.

What the hell?

And as far as the blonde...

What are you doing?

Don't you think

she's a little young...

even for you?

What are you doing?

What are you doing here?

Jesus Christ.

You scared the living sh*t

out of me.

You're lucky

I didn't shoot you.

With what? This?

Oh, great.

My gun. Hand it over.

Sit.

Have you gone

completely insane?

Give me the gun now!

Sit the f*** down

now!

Ok, look, I know things

have been a little crazy

at the office lately,

but there's

no need for this.

Now, why don't you

put down the gun,

and let's talk?

We're both

rational adults here.

Bullshit.

You are a f***ing child.

All right, fine. I gave you

a chance, you know.

But it's late, and

I'm tired of this bullshit.

I'm calling the cops,

and you're going to jail.

End of story.

Have a nice life.

What do you want?

I want you...

to think...

and remember...

every insult...

every offense...

everything that you have

ever taken away...

from me.

Think to yourself.

It's payback time.

It's currently

and it's shapin' up to be

a great weekend, everyone.

'Course, you gotta make it

through the week first,

but if you do,

you can look forward

to the third annual

celebrity tractor pull

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