Swimming with Sharks Page #2

---

at the Pomona fairgrounds

this weekend.

Tickets are--

Hi. How are you?

F*** you. You're in my spot.

Could you move?

Ok.

Sorry about that.

I didn't realize

that was your spot.

I slaved 3 miserable years

to get that spot.

It's mine. I earned it.

It's a great spot.

As soon as I pulled in,

I thought, "wow,

what a great spot."

I'm Guy, by the way.

What is this, your first day

on the job or something?

Yes. Yes. As a matter

of fact, it is.

Yeah, well,

piece of advice.

Lose the smile.

Makes you look

like a schmuck.

Hello.

Buddy Ackerman's office.

Oh, uh,

h-hold on one second.

Here.

Ready to go to work,

I see.

Oh.

Buddy Ackerman's office.

No, Derrick,

he's not here right now.

No, that's not what I said.

I said he's not here right now

at this moment in time.

Mm-hmm.

Gonna miss you, too, Derrick.

Buddy Ackerman's office.

Yes, I know the meeting

has started, ma'am.

I'll send him down

as soon as he gets here.

Thank you.

Buddy Ackerman's--

ooh, hey, Mona.

How are you,

gorgeous?

Of course you and Buddy

are on for tonight.

Just get your cute little butt

over to his place by midnight.

Bye.

So I don't know what

you've heard about this job,

but it's gonna be a lot of work

for sh*t wages.

A lot of sh*t work

for sh*t wages.

Picking up dry-cleaning,

gassing up his car,

getting him coffee,

getting him lunch,

and getting him laid.

And he can be, well...

difficult.

In there.

Difficult at times.

After all, Buddy

is the senior executive

vice president of production

for Keystone.

Only 2 people

bigger than that.

Stella Smiley,

President at

World-wide Production...

for now.

She doesn't like us.

Let me write this down.

But that's ok--

excuse me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Because above her

is Cyrus Miles...

studio chairman

and grand poobah.

We call him god.

And he does like us.

That thing is gonna be

the second most important

thing in your life.

I pity the day

it breaks down on you.

Ah.

Oh.

Whew.

Guy, if you do this job well,

wealth and opportunity

are yours.

All of Buddy's assistants

have gone on to bigger

and better things.

One is running the Sony Channel.

Another one has produced

all the Macaulay Culkin

action pictures.

Wow.

It's a good lineage.

A legacy.

Fantastic.

If you don't mind me asking,

where are you going?

Vice President of production

at Paramount.

Like I said,

it is a good lineage.

This is the most important

thing in your life.

It works very simple.

Steady green light--

the line is active.

If it's off, it's dead.

Flashing red--

someone's holding.

Flashing green--

incoming.

Flashing green.

Incoming. Yes.

Ok.

Don't worry,

You'll do all right, farm boy.

Actually...uh...

I'm from upstate New York.

There are farms around...

in the area.

Good morning, Mr. Ackerman.

Hello.

Buddy Ackerman's office.

I'm from

a more urban area.

Guy?

So glad to see you here.

I cannot tell you

how grateful I am

that you could start

right away.

It'll be nice to finally get

some real help around here

and get rid

of this mongoloid

so he'll stop

screwing me up

and f*** the competition

for a change, huh?

Our gain is their loss.

What?

Stella's on line 1, Nom's on 2,

and they called

from the stage.

They want to raise the

volume on the final mix.

You get me Rob

on the phone.

He's on 3.

Well, I'll take him.

You tell Stella to hold.

Take my Mom, and when

you're done with her,

west lobby, tube dress,

stiletto heels. Hurry.

Fetch.

Come on, Guy.

You're in for a treat.

Hi, Stella. Yeah,

he'll be right down.

Yo, Rob, listen, I ran

the rough cut last night,

and the mix is still

way too goddamned low.

I told you you gotta

bring up the explosions.

They gotta be

loud, loud, loud!

The audience should feel

their balls tremble.

Their ears should bleed!

So I don't care if God

told you to keep it down,

much less Stella.

What do you mean,

it can't be done?

Que pasa

this "can't be done"?

All right, Rob,

shut up for a second.

Just listen.

All right, let's try

something easier.

Repeat this:

"Would you like that

in a pump or a loafer?"

No, Rob,

just say it with me.

Come on, just humor me.

Just say it once.

Just...

"Would you like that...

"in a pump...

or a loafer?"

Good. Now memorize it,

because as of tomorrow,

the only job you're going

to be able to get

is selling shoes!

Well, I--I, uh--ahem.

Shh, shh, shh.

Rob's calling again

on line one.

Yo, Rob, look,

I'm busy now.

I can't really--

well, I'm glad

you see it my way...

Now.

Hey, look, we all have

our misunderstandings.

Just get it done.

Where's Stella,

and what's my schedule?

She hung up,

and they want you

down in the staff meeting

right away.

They start yet?

No. They've been waiting for you

for about 15 minutes.

Good.

Let me tell you something,

Guy, and learn from this--

if they can't start

a meeting without you,

well, that's a meeting

worth going to, isn't it?

And that's the only kind

of meeting

you should ever

concern yourselves with.

File this!

What's next?

Her name is Mitzy.

Mitzy.

I like that.

Ok, let's do it.

Mitzy. Hi.

Buddy Ackerman,

senior executive

vice president

of production.

I couldn't help it.

I saw you

in the lobby

on my way in.

I'm on my way

to an important meeting,

and...I can just tell

that there are

enormous opportunities

for the both of us,

and I will pull myself

out of this meeting

if you can bear

just waiting 10 minutes.

Because I would love it

if you and I can just...

sit and chat.

Would that be possible?

Oh, that's great.

Now, if you need

anything,

you just ask

these 2 boys here. Ok?

Keep her happy.

All right?

Why don't you

just go sit down,

and I'll be right back.

Where's

my f***in' coffee?

Oh, coffee. Coffee,

Coffee. Coffee.

Buddy Ackerman's office.

Can you please hold?

Cream, sugar.

Sweet'n low.

Swee...

guy:
sweet'n low,

sweet'n low.

Come on, people!

I'm late

for a meeting here!

Let's go, go, go,

go, go, go!

Excuse me.

What is this?

Sweet'n low?

No.

This is not sweet'n low.

This is equal.

Blue packet.

Sweet'n low is pink.

See?

Equal--blue.

Sweet'n low--pink.

It's not the same thing,

is it?

Uh, well, I...

I think they both

contain the same--

What equal contains

is not my concern here.

I don't care if it has

f***ing fairy dust in it.

What I am concerned with

is detail.

I asked you to go get me

a packet of sweet'n low,

that isn't what I asked for,

that isn't what I wanted,

that isn't what I needed,

and that sh*t

isn't gonna

work around here.

I--I just thought...

You thought.

Do me a f***ing favor.

Shut up, listen,

and learn.

Look, I know that

this is your first day

and you don't really know

how things work around here,

so I will tell you.

You...

have...

no...

brain.

No judgment calls

are necessary.

What you think

means nothing.

What you feel

means nothing.

You are here for me.

You are here

to protect my interests

and to serve my needs.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes