Swimming with Sharks Page #3

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So while it may look like

a little thing to you...

when I ask for a packet

of sweet'n low...

that's what I want.

And it is

your responsibility now

to see that I get

what I want.

Am I clear?

Y-yes, sir.

I'm not trying to be cruel.

I'm just trying to help.

Because if you

do this job right,

if you listen and learn,

then you're gonna

be able to do

anything you want

in this town.

You can have

whatever you want.

I mean, look at Rex here.

A V.P. at Paramount. Ha!

"Rex." What a name.

Belongs to a mutt.

I mean, if I can get

dog boy here a job,

you're gonna do

just fine.

I f***ed up.

I f***--f***!

It's over.

Relax.

He does that a lot.

Tomorrow, he'll ask you

for an equal.

You can't win.

It's a lose-lose

situation.

Well, does it still

happen to you?

Daily.

Actually, hourly.

Look...every day

is something

completely different.

Nothing is ever the same.

What he wants,

what he needs

can change in a second.

The trick is to have

everything ready.

Anticipate.

Next time, bring back

an equal and a sweet'n low.

Remember,

protect his interests

and serve his needs.

Come on.

Say it with me.

Protect his interests

and serve his needs.

Ok, but that's crazy.

That's no way

to run a business.

Uh-uh.

First mistake.

This is not a business.

No rules here.

This ain't

that candy-striped crap

for the Wall Street

wimps, huh?

This is...

show business.

Punching below the belt

is not only all right...

it is rewarded.

So in this,

this business of show,

you gotta

ask yourself...

What is it

that is gonna

make them sit up

and take notice of you?

Work really, really hard.

Don't worry, farm boy.

You'll learn.

Have a cigarette.

I--I don't smoke.

It won't last.

This and that pot

of coffee are gonna be

your best friends

for the next year.

Get to know them.

Come on.

Roll up your sleeves.

We got work to do.

Ok.

Let's do it. Hmm?

What do you want?

You are in big trouble.

Start making

funeral arrangements,

because you are dead

in this town.

I am not kidding you.

Apologize.

Excuse me? What?

Ow! Ow!

Ow! My hair!

I want you

to apologize!

For what!

Oh! Ohhh...

Apologize.

F*** you.

Oh! You...

Fu--

Ooh!

Buddy Ackerman's office.

Um...I d--I don't have

that information,

but, I--look...

Let me ask him,

and I'll have him call you--

I'll call you back.

Bye.

Buddy Ackerman's office.

Hank.

Wh--ok, listen.

Is there any way

you can have that delivered

by the end of the day?

Oh, great, great.

Great.

I appreciate it.

Thank you. Bye.

Buddy Ackerman's office.

Pick up the phone,

pick up the phone!

Pick up, pick up,

pick up!

It is in your job description.

Sorry. The phone's

been goin' crazy here.

I don't care.

If I get that answering machine

one more time, I draw blood!

All right.

Today's schedule. Do it.

Ok. You have

a ptch at 10:
30.

No, no, no, no!

How many times

have I told you?

No pitches before 11:00!

We've got too much to do.

I got calls to return.

Cancel whoever it is.

It's with Dawn Lockard.

Oh.

Well, ok.

Um, tell her

I'll be a little late,

and, uh, get me Stella.

Patch her through to me

right away. All right?

All right.

Buddy Ackerman calling.

Yes, I'd--

Hi. I'm here

to see Buddy.

I'm Dawn Lockard.

I'm the producer on...

the lot.

Hi.

Hi.

Well, Buddy's

running a little late,

so, uh...

just have a seat.

Uh, y-yes. Fine.

Yes. I'll tell him.

Buddy Ackerman's office.

Yeah. What happened?

Uh, Stella's office

just called.

Uh, she's gonna be

unreachable till Monday.

What do you mean,

unreachable?

Well, evidently,

she's white water rafting

in Colorado

with Tom Cruise.

Yeah? So?

Track her down.

Find out

where she's staying.

Uh, well,

she's rafting.

Well, she's unreachable.

Uh-huh.

I don't see the problem.

She's...rafting...

on the water.

I--I...

I don't imagine

they have phones there.

They have helicopters,

don't they?

Y-yes. I...

I--I suppose they do.

You suppose? Listen,

you little twerp,

I can't spend my day

telling you

how to do your job!

Is he in one of his moods?

Yeah.

It's not brain surgery,

you know? Get me Stella.

And you come back

with "she's unreachable"?

I don't ever wanna hear

that word again.

Get outta my way!

Shut up, listen, learn!

There is no such word as

"unreachable" for this office.

Find her. get her.

I wanna talk to her

by lunch.

- If she's not on the phone-

- Out! Out!

Who do you work for?!

If she's not on the phone

by the time I get back...

Listen, about that

parking spot thing--

Had I known that

you work for Buddy,

I certainly

would have let you...

No. Don't worry about it.

Really.

No. I'm just saying you get

enough sh*t from him.

You don't need it from me.

Believe me,

I can handle Buddy.

"Unreachable" may work

for other hacks out there,

but not here!

Dawn, excuse me.

I just need to, um,

yell at my mongoloid

brain-dead assistant

for a second.

Get in here!

If you ever use

the f***ing word

"unreachable"

in my office again,

I swear to god

I will send you goddamn

through the lobby

in a mail chute.

Don't ever do it again.

You understand?

Now, give me my phone.

If my car phone isn't

put in my car by 4:00,

you are a dead person.

I already did it.

Dawn, gorgeous.

It's been too long.

Get your cute

little butt in here.

Guy, hold all my calls.

Ok, ok.

Dawn, I just don't

think that this pony

is gonna win,

place, or show.

I mean--

even the title,

real life--

it's a real pass.

You need this film, Buddy.

It's an important film

for the 18-to-25ers.

It's a redeeming film.

Uou cannot keep dissing

what they want to see.

Oh, really?

How about that, Guy?

You're of that age.

You--you feel dissed?

Well, uh, yeah.

Yeah, sure.

Uh...disillusioned,

dismayed...

disposable.

Yeah, thanks, and this

is too dark, depressing,

and dull. It's not

what people want to see.

And I suppose

that pumped-up,

overadrenalized,

male macho

bullshit is.

Excuse me. My male macho

bullshit just broke 180 mil.

The last important film this

studio made peaked at 18.

The one before that didn't

even break double digits.

Dawn, forget about this

lost artsy generation crap.

You've been away

from me too long.

Come back tomyteam,

and we can make

some real movies.

Or I could just go to Stella

with it.

She is, after all,

president of production.

Am I right?

Mm-hmm, for now.

Who called?

Oh, um...

ahem, ok...

uh...

Mitch and Cyrus.

Cyrus, and you didn't

put him through?

You--you said hold

all your calls.

Fine. Who else?

Uh...uh, Derek, Mitzi,

and Stella returns.

Stella?

Stella?!

You--you said to hold

all your calls.

I didn't know.

You didn't know?

You didn't hear me

when I said "very

important" this morning?

What good are you?

Do you have a brain?

Do you want

to keep this job?

Shut up, listen, learn!

F*** your

disappointment!

F*** your

disillusionment!

And f*** you!

F*** you!

You are a worthless,

f***in'--

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