Swing State

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1

[" Blue Dress " playing]

Wearing a blue dress

I don't care

Who's president

I'd rather look

Into the blue sky

Than hear

A pack of white lies

[applause]

Wow, wow, wow,

American Bloomers, folks.

An Ears Wide Shut exclusive.

Talking about our

g-g-generation.

And, next on the show

is Morning Breezwith

Sheila Browning,

on 87.9, Seattle's

public broadcast.

I've gotta go

like five minutes ago.

-Oh...

-Jeez...

Say hi

to the Brown Shirts for us.

-Hi, Sheila.

-Hi.

-Hi.

-I have three passes

to the Arctic yoga center.

-Interested?

-I think I'll take a pass.

Oh, yay, because ice yoga

is so trans-formative.

Well, no, I mean I'll pass

on the pass.

-Okay, Ethan.

-Understand?

-Listen, a sub zero

body stretch in a cryo tank.

-Okay, mmm-hmm.

-How can you say no?

-Read my lips, no ice yoga.

Thank you, though. Have fun.

[TV playing]

Sorry, we had

a live musical guest.

You're the producer

of this show.

You wanna be an exclusive

employee of the Tree Humpers

down the hall,

go ahead be my guest.

-It won't happen again.

-You're damn right

it won't happen again.

I'm trusting you with this

show while I'm gone.

Do try to be on time.

It's a matter

of self respect, ultimately.

[Voice on Radio] Get ready

for two hours with the

mic from the right,

the sage from Seattle,

Mr. Tom Fleischman.

All right, folks.

Well, the demon libs are

up to their old tricks again.

Their latest ploy

in dealing with the deficit,

is to raise the sales tax

on a cup of Joe?

And their other brilliant idea,

and I'm afraid

this one may pass,

is to ban all smoking

around the vicinity

of the Space Needle?

I mean why don't they just

ban the internal combustion

engine while they are at it?

Hello!

All right.

We have Cynthia from

Mount Rainier on the line.

First time calling,

long time admirer.

Well, thank you Cynthia.

And what's on your mind?

Oh, you're

on my mind, Tommy.

Ever since I first laid ears

on you,

I used to be an extremely

fertile liberal, liberal.

Well, am glad to know we've

opened your eyes.

Oh, you've opened up

a lot of things in me, Tommy.

Before I was selling crack

to support a crank habit.

Mixing Miley with Molly.

-Even hooking

kept the cable on.

-Heavens!

I know I've had nine abortions

in a six month span.

But, thanks to you, Tommy,

those dark and lustful,

orgasmic nights are gone.

-You showed me the light

and you turned me on. Oh!

-You!

I caught you red handed.

My hands are not red.

I was in the middle

of a tender, gender neutral

moment with my girlfriend.

And you interrupted it.

You one of those

anti-American punks?

Well, I'm more anti-stupidity

but, you guys have monopolized

that lately.

Just...

You're a card carrying

p*ssy, Ethan.

[sighs]

[drums playing]

Listen, Adrienne, look I saw

a movie once about a real

live talking Jedi.

I'm telling you what, it freaked

me out, I almost switched teams.

[laughs]

-Adrienne...

-It's so ridiculous.

It's not ridiculous.

It's not ridiculous, Adrienne.

Um, could we talk about

the duplex and your

down payment, please?

Hey, Adrienne, do you remember

I can't pay for anything.

I'm cash poor, you know that.

I know because you sunk your

freaking money into a

donut holes scheme.

Which deep fried

your credit score.

Listen, Doughglobes

has franchise potential

A franchise

is like Starbucks, okay?

Colonel Sanders was holed up

in a gunny shack in the middle

of Monroe, Kentucky,

now look where he is.

Here's your food.

Thank you. Awesome.

That looks... That's amazing.

Thank you so much.

That's really nice.

-What is this stuff?

-It's vegan.

Listen let's just switch

subjects, I've got

really good news.

-You do?

-I do.

Great.

What are we talking about?

A voice over part.

Honey! Honey!

-Thank you. Great.

-1500 dollars.

That's even

better. Nice.

-Okay.

-Yup. We have

to use your studio.

-Is that cool?

-Yeah.

No, seriously. That's great.

Definitely. Yeah, sure.

[soft piano music playing]

Governor Sollow promises

a cleaner environment

and yet,

his administration has

side stepped the natural

wildlife act at every turn.

Gutting some 50,000--

More forceful at the end.

Baby, if you didn't stare me

down the whole time too

that might be helpful too.

-Cause you're just kind of...

-What?

...his administration has

side stepped the natural

wildlife act at every turn.

Gutting some 50,000 acres

of our state's most pristine

forestry.

The Sierra club recently called

Governor Sollow a great

environmental disappointment.

Governor Sollow,

how low will he go?

Oh, great right hook.

Right on the kisser.

-I think you did it.

-Great.

Great job.

-Excellent job. Hi.

-Oh, thank you. Hi.

-Susan.

-I'm Ethan. Nice to meet you.

Oh, yes, so I finally

get to meet Adrienne's

mystery boyfriend.

Yeah.

I'd love for you to meet

my daughter, Julia.

Hi, so nice to meet you.

So great to have another

soldier on the ground.

Yeah, it's great to be here.

We just got her back

after a year in the Sudan.

That's cool, I'm, uh, I'm Ethan.

Hi.

So, listen I'm willing to pull

out all the stops for you.

'Cause I think you're

amazing and I'm here.

So, if you need me...

Thank you, Adrienne. I love

your energy. And you're

already proving invaluable.

Everything is just great.

You know what we really

should get going,

you've got that, uh...

That interview with

The Post.

You've got that fund-raiser

with the preschool.

And a brunch with Aaron Ivenson

Oh, well, what I need

is a strong cup of coffee.

Oh, Doughglobes has coffee.

-I don't know

what Doughglobes is.

-It's a donut.

I don't, I don't really

understand you.

Anyway, thank you so much.

I can't wait. This is great.

Nice meeting you guys.

-Nice to meet you, bye.

-Bye, nice to meet you.

Thanks for the gig,

I really appreciate it.

It's helping out a lot.

You're not getting

paid for this.

What are you talking about?

I mean that goes against

the 8000 dollars

that you owe me.

If you want to put a down

payment on a duplex,

that's your decision, not mine.

First of all,

we had a verbal agreement.

Adrienne, you're ridiculous.

Okay, you know what,

that hey...

-You know what, that's fine.

-See you, Adrienne.

[man on TV] Gold, the universal

symbol of wealth.

Ancient man forged coins

inventing money.

Today money

is not always gold, but

thankfully gold is always...

[cellphone ringing]

[gasps]

F***!

[cellphone ringing]

-Wow!

-Take it easy, Luke.

-For f***'s sake.

-It's the station man, sorry.

Yeah, hello?

Hey, Rouge, sorry to bother

you, uh, I don't know where

Tom is.

-What do you mean?

-I don't know where he is.

-Uh, he's not here.

-Your kidding me.

He's never been

late in eight years.

Um...

Okay, well you're gonna

have to run an old show.

The tape is in the vault,

Rouge and it's locked.

Sh*t.

Yeah, I got the keys. Um...

You...

You're gonna have

to cover the show.

-What?

-Yeah...

[sighs]

Look, we can't go to dead air,

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