Swing State Page #2

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we'll both lose our jobs.

It will just be for a couple

of minutes until Tom gets back.

Okay?

I'm not trained for this.

I don't care if you're

a f***ing communist.

On the Tom Fleischman show

you are a conservative

republican. All right?

Just take a few calls,

let them talk.

Okay.

Hey.

Ethan. Ethan.

I have a problem.

What, what is the problem?

Tom didn't show, Rouge

wants me to cover the shift.

What's the problem?

You know I get tongue...

[stammering]

Tongue tied.

Neil, were your parents mimes?

All right, problem solved.

I'll do it.

I could use the paycheck anyway.

-No, I could use the paycheck.

-Rouge would fire me.

What about Sheila?

Well, Sheila was in a very bad

ice yoga accident.

She shattered her femur.

How can her karma f***

my karma? That's not fair.

I'm rooting for you, buddy.

Feel good about you.

-F***! All right, you do it.

-That's what I thought.

Okay, but you have

to be a republican.

-Piece of cake.

-Totally gonna f*** this up,

aren't you?

-What are you talking about?

-Yeah, you're gonna

get me fired.

-No, am not.

-And arrested probably.

Your gonna say something and

it will offend a whole bunch

of people like Donald Trump.

You're out of control.

Let's do this.

[recorded voice] Get ready for

two hours with the mic

from the right,

the sage from Seattle,

Mr. Tom Fleischman.

Top of the morning, folks.

I'm Charles Fern.

Visiting from out of town,

missing my home where

my heart is.

And in the world,

there is a lot of things

in the world.

A lot of things

in the world are happening.

And lots going on right now.

Uh, and, and...

Actually right now, number

one album in America

today, guys,

is none other than gangster

rapper, Ridicule.

And I tell you what,

this album is an outrage.

It is an outrage, all right.

This thing is vulgar,

it is virulent

and at times it is vexing.

Let me read you

some of his "poetry."

"N-word what, N-word what,

N-word, please,

I got your p-word in my face

and my d-word up your sleeve."

I tell you what, this is enough.

I'm calling for a boycott.

Enough is enough

over here, folks.

Let's tell these people

what they really need to hear.

Let's send a message over

to Periscope records.

We're not gonna take it,

no, we're not gonna take it.

No, we're not gonna

take it anymore.

My producer Rasputin over

here is telling me that we have

some callers calling in.

Uh, Tiffany from Mount Rainer,

state your case please.

Hi. I totally agree with

everything that you are

saying, Charles.

My four year old boy called

his sister a "hoe" yesterday.

Whoa, a hoe. Wash that potty

mouth out with Pine Sol.

Yes, well we found out his

friends at school, they are

playing that rapper music.

Ah, Tiffany, well it's all part

of the coarsening of the society

by if it feels good,

let's mash it up and stuff

it into a syringe and just

stick it right up my urethra

liberal mentality.

I love your boycott idea.

Wow. You know what you are

a wonderful, wonderful

Republican MILF.

Mothers of Inspirational

Liberty and Freedom.

You're a fine MILF indeed.

Thank you, Tiffany.

Have a wonderful day.

Well, ladies and gentlemen,

our country has been hijacked.

It has been overtaken

and overrun,

but, we will not let them

pull the wool over

our eyes anymore, will we?

No, we will not

get fooled again.

But, now a word

from our sponsor.

Glorious way to start your day,

a delectable assortment

of Doughglobe donut holes.

Tasty, tasty to stuff

your face-y, face-y.

Take the MO King exit off

the five and it's right there

on Hudson.

Tell him Fern sent ya.

[guitar music playing]

Think with the check and that,

you could definitely pitch in.

What?

Are you suggesting that we sell

my grandfather's Martin guitar?

Yeah.

I don't...

Do you know what this is?

I sure do. It's your only asset.

Honey, I am stepping up,

you just gotta give me some

more time.

How are you stepping up?

And how much more time?

All right, well I guess we

should be filming right now.

What? You're filming?

Yeah, I'm filming us.

Why are you filming us?

I was filming us

if we're breaking up.

Because it should be on tape.

We're not breaking up?

That's great. Oh, we're gonna

film our breakup now.

That's great.

Hey, everybody, hey, Adrienne

wants to film our breakup.

So, we're just gonna... you

wanna just send this to me?

Then we'll just post it?

No, we don't have

to call anybody.

We'll just send this and we'll

just post it to everybody.

Then that's how

they'll find out.

They'll find out and send it

to the whole world.

You see that face?

You see that face

of an a**hole?

Oh, I am the a**hole.

I am the a**hole.

-Can't bug the system.

-Yeah.

Get a ticket.

Pay the ticket same day.

Save yourself a major headache.

Thanks, man.

You got a week before

it goes to auction.

Then your car becomes my car.

[sighs] Stupid boot.

Now let's head on over

to the vacuum concession stand.

Where for premium members

we're offering a thousand

signed copies

of my first ever children's

book, Who's got your back?

It's available now at

BobBernard.com.

And of course the usual

merchandise, The Vaccum

is sealed, t-shirts,

sweatpants and blazers

are only a mouse click away.

All righty folks, that's it

from me, I'm Bob Bernard

and until I see you again,

The Vacuum is Sealed.

Hey. Thanks for letting

me stay here, man.

Yeah, of course.

I'm sorry about that.

Yeah, well lock of shame.

It's a viscous cycle you know.

You get the lock of shame

because of unpaid parking

tickets, but then it just

creates more unpaid

parking tickets.

Well, everybody knows

the dice are loaded so...

Yeah.

So, what do you wanna do

for your birthday?

I don't know,

probably go cliff diving.

I know a place where

they drain the water.

You know what I mean?

Oh, check this out.

I found this hardcore

track by Ridicule.

He taught me to survive

The Harlem

Sometimes it's harder

Disguised in the dark

Look in the eyes of the

Snake singing

Inside the monster

To rise be divided

Conquer

If it's all about money

I don't respect your power

That's weak

They could prowl and devour

They cowards you ask me

Powers that be mistreat us

Mislead us

Thinking eventually

We gon' bite the hand

That feed us

Some of them

they tried to keep

all up and from them...

Hey, Julia.

Oh, hi.

Need a lift?

[laughs]

That's a joke.

Skateboard, joke, yeah.

Right, got it.

Where you headed?

Harborview hospital.

I'm a nurse, you know.

Cause the outfit

didn't give me away.

I gave blood once.

Which is...

I'm not saying that that's...

-Right.

-Comparing to what that is.

Sure, um, so I'm sorry,

what do you do anyway?

You're like a voice over person?

No, well, I run a radio show.

Called Ears Wide Shut.

-Wait, are you serious?

-Yeah.

I love that show. Yes,

I've been trying to figure out

where I knew your voice from.

That's crazy, yeah.

Feels terrific to see all

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