Swing State Page #3

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of you out here.

Standing up

to liberal hypocrisy.

Standing up to the bleeding

hearts, I am proud of each

and every one of you.

God, that guy is such a dick.

You know, he actually had

the audacity to call my Mom

roadkill that just won't die.

Really?

The nastier he gets,

the higher his ratings go.

Why don't you get a few more?

Give them to your kids,

get them involved.

That sucks.

Yeah.

I haven't been

in a hospital since birth.

[laughs]

That's...

[laughs] Um, I don't

know do you wanna come

in for a coffee, maybe?

-Sure, yeah.

-I can give you a tour.

It's pretty remarkable how

there are certain films

that actually connect

patients to their past.

That's pretty amazing,

how do you pick the films?

Well, we have thousands

of movies from Westerns

to Kabuki theater.

But, the ones that really hold

the audience's interest

are the love stories.

Okay.

Keep them shut.

-Okay.

-Okay, open.

No way, a parking permit.

This is amazing,

how did you get this?

I swapped a night shift with

Doctor Carl Murray.

What's the point of having

your BMW if you can't drive it.

This is really thoughtful,

Jefferson.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah this is my friend...

Ah, Jules, I am late for

a corroded artery.

-Nice guy.

-Yeah, he's great.

-Brilliant surgeon.

-Oh...

[piano music playing]

Yeah, so this is where

I get to go to work everyday.

This is really cool.

Yeah, it's part of this new

program where we're studying

the effects of old films

on Alzheimer's patients.

Amazing. What a novel idea.

[engine revs]

Doesn't matter

How hard yo try

Oh, how about

"Love is Like Oxygen"

by Sweet.

-Yeah, sure, why not.

-Great.

What about, um...

What about...

"Swept away" from The Very

Best of Yanni.

Sure, yeah, add it on there.

Okay, man, what's going on?

I've tried to get that song

past you before.

Did you get back together

with Adrienne again?

No, no, no.

I did meet a pretty cool

girl yesterday, though.

Susan Davis daughter.

-That's interesting.

-Yeah.

Her name is Julia.

She's a nurse at

Harborview hospital.

-Admirable.

-Yeah.

[cellphone ringing]

Gnarly Neil's hotline.

Hello, Neil?

No, guess again.

-You shitting dog,

you can put Neil on.

-Oh.

He's pissy, man.

It's Rouge.

-Hey, Rouge.

-Hey, Neil.

So, Tom had a massive stroke.

He can't even move his lips.

-No way.

-Way.

Poor guy. So, uh...

All channel is coming down

tomorrow and I'm not gonna

make it back till nightfall.

All channel is coming to the

station tomorrow?

Peter Dennon and company.

Big decisions have to be made.

And, um...

Really good job covering.

We got some really

good feedback.

Yeah, it wasn't me.

It was a guest from

next door.

-What?

-Some conservative guy

visiting.

Oh...

Okay, he can cover tomorrow,

right, we're paying.

I don't think so.

I think he went back

to his home.

No, dude, come on,

I could use the money.

Do it. What are you doing?

Okay, I think I can get him

for tomorrow but after

that he leaves forever.

Good, good,

and remember we got

the Ann Alcott interview.

Sh*t.

[playing "Happy Birthday"]

Wow, wow, that was...

[claps]

Jeez, that was fantastic, wow.

Thank you so much.

Happy birthday to us, right?

Happy birthday, Seattle.

That's Ears Wide Shut, 87.9.

We gotta go.

You got everything?

What is this? This is great.

We're gonna do this.

-They're Dockers?

-They don't wrinkle.

They don't zip?

Proper. I pop. I pop.

Well, you look like one of them.

I know.

What are you talking about?

Hey, Mary Sue. Hi, how are you?

What have we got going on here?

It's performance art.

Yeah, this is a character

for our show.

This is your Lois Lane moment

where you get to be sworn

together in secrecy.

Well, I love the fact

that there are true

performers in this building.

I won't your be

your Kryptonite.

-Okay.

-Oh, oh, happy birthday.

It's Scott Brooke's greatest

hits on vinyl.

I gotta get the tapes,

I'll meet you in there.

He's gotta get the tapes,

so, we'll meet you.

So, tell me Charles,

where you from?

Great question, actually it's

upstate Maine, in the,

the Maine region,

it's a part

of the Maine area.

I didn't realize Maine was big

enough to have an upstate.

[laughing]

Well, it's upstate enough

to know we're not

Canadians, Peter.

You know what I'm saying?

[laughing]

He got it, he got it,

he figured it out.

Oh, look it's our tardy

producer, Rasputin.

Rasputin say hello to Peter

and Ryan from All channel.

-Nice to meet you.

-Ryan.

I'm sorry, we gotta start.

I'm sorry.

Well, good luck to you,

young man.

-Sure.

-Show me your magic.

I'll be up here listening.

-Great, thanks Peter.

-You got it.

All right.

[recorded voice] Get ready for

two hours with the mic

on the right,

the sage from Seattle,

Mr. Tom Fleischman.

Hello, and welcome fellow

Seattlites, I'm Charles Fern,

your humble guest host,

and I'll tell you what, wow,

we have a great show today.

And I am amped after my third

cup of Doughglobes coffee

that blends symphonically

with this buttermilk

Doughglobe that you can

get down off the five

on Hudson.

It's called Doughglobes, folks,

tell them Fern sent ya.

Magnifico, anyway with us

in the second segment is

renowned commentator Ann Alcott.

But first, some election news.

Wow, and I tell you what

the papers are hot today.

Today's Seattle Post has

governor Sollow up

by six points.

But, this is not good

news for the governor.

This left leading Kool Aid

drinking whore-mongers,

marshaled their forces

again and what say

you Seattle?

Let's take a call here

and discuss.

We have a caller here.

Rasputin, is there

someone on the line?

Do you wanna speak

into the microphone?

The folks at home think

you are some kind of a ghost.

The phone lines

are all blinking, Sir Charles.

Caller state your case

and make it snappy,

krackerjackie.

Yeah, I'm Ron and I just,

I really wanna say that I

really like Susan Davis.

Oh, yeah, isn't she wonderful?

Wow. Yeah, she is kind

of likable.

If you're smoking a three

foot bronze bong,

you mangy hippie.

I resent that.

Well, you resemble it, Ron.

You're just another yellow

belly, taxes spending,

cut and run

toking, smoking,

midnight coking,

porn making liberal

is what you are.

I don't make porn.

I watch it.

Well, schlemiel schlimazel,

Ron, you can't hate the sin

and love the sinner,

can we baby,

that's masturabitorial,

self-aggrandizement that

you lefties

love to wax on about.

Let's have a moment

of honesty here, Ron.

All your huffing and puffing

has caught up with you,

you are in a perpetual

John Holm sized hangover,

you've got your gerbaise

of the dark side of your

Luna, comprehende?

That's not fair.

Oh, it's not fair, Ron?

Is it not fair?

Well, listen you are

a trembling,

simpering puss puss.

Well, woof-woof, prune juice.

It's time to take a cold

dark look at the mouse

in the mirror, baby.

[crying]

Is that a cry?

Are you crying?

Is he crying?

Are you a baby

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