Swinging Safari Page #7

Tommy got away.

- Eugh!

- What's it like?

Awful.

Is this it?

We're gonna be grown-ups soon,

like our parents.

It's not like the movies, is it?

Maybe she's trying to tell us something.

If our parents have everything,

why are they so miserable?

- What do you reckon?

- Piece of piss.

Get rid of it in about three seconds.

Seagulls do the rest.

Christ, it's almost 9:00.

We gotta go. Come on.

Come on. Come on!

Stop. We've got to go back.

- No, we need to leave now.

- What about the whale?

No, we've just got to get out

of these damn clothes

and just go... we'll go back...

Hey, lovebirds.

Hey, are you having fun, Engelbert?

Yeah. Great. Happy it's over.

Who says it's over?

Love you.

Stop, Melly.

Come.

Put your arms around me.

Like your Nanna.

Come on, love.

- Morning, morning, morning.

- Hey, hey, hey.

- Hey, mate.

- Hey, Rick.

How'd it go?

It sounded like the bloody

walls of Jericho coming down.

Oh, sh*t!

- Stop it! Shush!

- Alright!

Let's get this over with.

- Right?

- Couldn't agree more, mate.

Springboks - best team in

the world. Why can't we watch?

I don't agree with that. Not at all.

I just want to watch rugby.

Let's go and talk to them. Yoo-hoo!

- Hello.

- Hello, darling.

Did you have a good night?

Cripes! Look at the time.

Better get a move on.

Yeah. Big news down at the beach.

Your whale is all over the telly.

Christ, he's right.

We've gotta get a park.

Every bugger and his dog

will be down there!

Come on, then.

We've gotta beat the queue.

- Gonna be a bloody nightmare.

- Come on, love.

Now there's two lanes and

BOTH bloody lanes are packed!

Oh, my boy.

Everybody clear off!

This is your last warning!

This is a blast zone!

For the last time, move back!

Sod the lot of youse! Hope you

all get blown to kingdom come!

Hey. You getting a good shot

there, tiger?

- Yeah, Dad.

- On ya, son.

You see? That's why

we had to beat the traffic.

Look at us. Winners are grinners.

Every news crew. Let's just

hope that it all goes to plan.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Every news crew in Australia.

Don't take any chances.

- Make sure you get rid of it.

- You're the boss.

Hey, boys!

Double it!

- Yeah, tops.

- Double it, boys.

Looking at it from this angle,

it's just massive.

It's a... massive mammal.

It's a dead whale, not a fish.

You see? That's why I get here early.

Hey, Keith. Keith! Over here.

Saved you a possie.

- Sorry we're late.

- Position A.

Gerome's driving the porcelain

bus like a right nong.

I think I'm gonna spew again.

Hair of the dog. Drink it.

Get it into ya, mate. Good for ya.

Come on, suck it up.

Found a better view?

I'm sorry.

I don't know what happened.

Maybe...

Maybe I was just too nervous.

Maybe you were just looking out for me.

Do you still want to go to Melbourne?

Race you.

Come on.

What do you reckon will happen?

I don't know.

It's gonna be a mess, though.

Aww!

The big fish, christened Chips

by the boys at the station,

is about to spend his last day

in paradise

thanks to Mayor Bradley

Brimshaw's final solution.

Our friend could have picked

any strip of sand in the

country to end his days,

and he wisely chose ours -

1975's Tidy Town winner!

That's a good one, that one.

Our glorious beach

is about to get even tidier.

- Ladies and gentlemen...

- Nigel.

...boys and girls,

bid a hearty farewell

to our great blue whale.

The whale's gone!

Goodbye, whale!

What a f***ing fizzer.

She did it! She finally escaped!

Oh!

' Eugh! ~ Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Eugh! Eugh!

Oh! Sh*t a brick! Run!

Sh*t!

Ohhh!

S' Ah... S'

So, if this is

the decade that defined us,

then it ended with two superheroes

and two tonnes of dynamite.

Melly and I took flight

and never looked back.

Don't get me wrong -

I loved my childhood.

Our parents did the best they could

with the bent tools, they were handed.

And the upshot of trying

to force a kid into manhood

with a packet of condoms

was the licence to be a 14-year-old

for the rest of his fabulous life.

When people ask me

what happened in the 1970s,

I've got a simple answer...

You should have just left

her at the airport, honestly.

Because we come here to have

a holiday, a family holiday,

and you just... all you've done is yell

and sit there and look fat

in your purple togs.

Fiji is a dump! I told you

we should have gone to Tonga!

Here, sir! Look what I found here.

Look how beautiful this turtle is.

Hey, come, look what I found.

Look at this.

Has he got a hole drilled in his shell?

Yes, he does.

It's Tommy!

He used to live opposite Mum and Dad.

We have to take him back.

OK. Are you recording?

Go, Mama!

Oh, sh*t!

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