Swinging Safari Page #6

- No. No. No, no...

- Give me the phone.

- Bob, give me the phone.

- I'm c... l'm calling him!

Oh, you fool!

You fool!

Swiss finishing school.

Advanced etiquette, foreign languages...

Lord knows she doesn't speak English.

- Rick Jones.

- We need a truce.

No. I do not need a goose.

- No, a truce.

- What?

A truce! Not a goose. A truce.

Who is this? I can't understand you.

Rick...!

The phone is full of

your bloody make-up!

Darling, it's for you.

Hey, Melly!

You're looking a bit crook.

I brought you a Polly Waffle.

Where are you going?

I'm going to the ends of the earth.

I'm running away to a place

where no-one will ever find me.

Melbourne.

I'll start eating again

if you come with me.

I've got enough money to get us there.

We can change our names,

we can become new people,

and we'll never have to see

our parents again.

Will you come with me?

Yes.

You mean it?

Yeah, I mean it.

We have just one last chore to do

before we get out of this hellhole.

How did it come to this?

Well, mate, it started

with a pile of keys and a vase.

Maybe if you had just taken one

for the team and boned Kaye...

- Oh, right!

- ..everything would be OK.

Alright, already!

But we've got to fix it.

Our bloody women

whipped this whole mess up,

so it's up to us to sort it out.

Like men.

Go home, Tommy. You hear me?

As fast as you can.

There you go. You're free.

Tommy's going to paradise.

And so are we.

So, if we make the first bus to Central,

we can make the 10 o'clock

train to Canberra.

- Have you got any dosh?

- 57 bucks Grandpa gave me

just before he ate

all the potpourri and died.

But I know where Mum stashes

her tennis kitty.

That's alright. We'll get jobs.

I'm ready. I packed. Last Easter.

You're not gonna let me down,

are you, Jeff?

No. Never.

Jeffrey!

Oh, Christ! Not another one!

Get over here, you trollop!

Bedroom! Now!

- Bedroom? What...?

- Separately. Come here!

Enough! You crossed the line this time.

Let's kill him.

He kissed a girl!

Thank God!

There I was thinking he was a bit... gay.

She's 14 years old!

Does she even know which end

to put a tampon in?

Well, she kissed a boy.

There I was thinking she was a lezzo.

This is what happens when you

let them watch Sonny & Cher!

Oh, darling!

Out in the street like a prostitute!

Everybody looking!

Richard, it's just sex.

Finally, a reason for birth control!

They've taken my money and my bankbook

and they're talking about moving.

You? Over.

Dad's locked me in my room

and given Liam permission

to kill me if I try to escape.

I'm sorry, Jeff. Over.

Me too.

Over.

Is it over? Over.

It's over. Over.

- Over and out.

- Over and out.

So? My parents were tough.

I was chained to a drainpipe

for stealing a bike,

and look how I turned out.

President of the Lions Club

three years running!

Oh, for God's sake, will you

get your feet off the carpet?!

Oh, cripes!

Oh, for cryin' out loud!

- What?!

- Hi. We're a p...

Mr Marsh?

Nigel.

Give Kids a Chance? We're a charity.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Arggh! Oh!

Arggh!

No!

Yeah, sure.

- CE-'day, mate.

- Hey, mate.

- How's that?

- Thanks, Mr. Marsh.

Hey, it's good to see you again.

- Yeah.

- Bye.

Oh, and thanks for giving kids

a second chance.

Oh! Yeah. Sounds about right.

I AM a good example.

Can't get 'em to listen to me.

I could just...

Can you just... just stop?!

So...

...why are we here?

You know, what's our purpose?

Eat, sh*t and die.

Yeah, and along the way, we

bring new life into the world.

And we set a good example.

At last count, I reckon we're all doing

a pretty crap job of it.

- Speak for yourself, Bob.

- I am, Gale. I am.

You know, Swingin' bloody Safari?

Christ! What were we thinking?

We're chasing our tails and

our bloody kids can smell it.

They're all out of control

and it's up to us

to pull them back into line.

Exactly. Exactly...

Whatever you've done, you've

stuffed it up for everyone.

You're dead meat.

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Just listen to yourselves!

All raised sh*t-scared,

and, gee, that turned out well

for everyone, didn't it?

The kids shouldn't be punished.

They should be rewarded.

Oh, Kaye!

For Wallaroo parents,

it's been unusu-whale, factu-whale,

but now, unsustaina-whale.

Now, after careful consideration,

we, your... parents, have decided...

You're going to the Blue Light Disco!

Together.

Together.

- Disco!

- Disco!

Disco!

Whoo!

Attention, shoppers.

Today is children's day.

All children will be rewarded.

Welcome to the club, men.

Eugh!

Get it into ya.

Little men.

That's the way.

It's true, shoppers.

All children will be rewarded.

The pill, sweetheart.

Your father and I think it's time.

- Don't we, Bob?

- Yep.

Thank you!

Thank you.

Thank you!

And, yes, children,

it's true - rewards, rewards!

Hey. Charger!

Go, boys! Go on!

Let 'em learn the hard way.

Shut up.

- You call this a reward?

- It's a tough world, kids.

Sometimes tough decisions

have to be made.

So, say goodbye to Doody.

- He's going to live on a farm.

- No! Please!

I know, sweetheart. But you'll

thank us for this one day.

Good bye, Doody.

Bye, Doody.

You look like Engelbert Humperdinck!

Mum!

CE-'day, g'day. J0?

- Ah. CE-'day, Rick.

- CE-'day, mate.

Here comes the blue-eyed boy.

Oh! Fabulous.

- Oh, Gale!

- I know!

- This is fantastic, isn't it?

- What a screamer.

Look at you, you dark horse!

- Gorgeous.

- Yeah.

Here you go, mate.

- Oh!

- My little princess.

Rowr!

Oh, my.

Look what we made. Hmm?

Barbra Streisand in A Star Is Born!

Yes.

- Isn't it?

- Yes!

There comes a time

in every man's life when...

Bugger it. Just take 'em.

And you know how to put 'em on, right?

'Cause I could take you

to the bathroom and show you.

No. No.

There you go.

Oh, Christ, where's the camera?

- In the car.

- Oh, Christ!

- Go and get it.

- Shall I get it? Alright.

- I'd like to leave now.

- Yeah.

I want to tell you something, alright?

Spontaneity is the key to pleasure.

A little gift from all of us.

Go get 'em, tiger.

Oh, it was only yesterday

they were in floaties!

Remember your first dance, Rick?

Yes, mate. Sharon Lee.

Got so pissed she didn't

remember a bloody thing.

What a night.

- This car smells like prawns.

- Yeah.

It's not good.

After-dinner mint?

We'll pick youse up

around nine, alright?

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Come on.

- Do I look OK?

- You look great.

Youse two look like knobs!

Oh, stick a sock in it, Knucklehead!

Welcome to the Blue Light Disco.

- Here. Give it to me.

- Where'd you get that?

Mum and Dad. Unreal, hey?

Jeez, I wish I had parents like yours.

Jeez, I wish I had parents like yours.

Take one and grab a boy.

- Which boy?

- Doesn't matter.

Just tell him you're on the pill.

I'm on the pill.

Want to dance?

No.

Ooh!

Want to get out of here?

I'm on the pill.

She's just like you and me.

Stuck here. Rotting.

And they'll never let her get away.

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