Sylvia Page #5

"I have

fallen a long way."

The moon sees nothing of this.

And the message of the

yew tree is blackness.

"Blackness and silence."

I don't know what else to do.

I can't

I can't go back to her,

but I love her so much, it's

You want another one?

Thank you.

This one is extraordinary.

And and

"Lady Lazarus."

The one about

the failed suicides

the despair,

the overpowering

sense of foreboding,

and yet without a trace of anger

or hysteria

or any appeal for sympathy.

The the wealth of imagery.

Such horrors.

But expressed with

with a coolness.

Like a

like a murderer's confession.

So, have you got a title

for your novel yet?

"The Bell Jar."

When's it coming out?

The new year.

Will you let me read it?

It's a pot-boiler.

Could you get me an ashtray?

Sure.

I didn't know you smoked.

I don't.

But I'm starting.

I'm thinking of trying

some new things.

Really?

Like what?

I'm thinking of taking a lover.

Oh, how glamorous.

Who is he?

Look

I know how you feel.

No, you don't.

I do.

We have we share in common

I:

I tried to

I tried to

How?

Same as you, sleeping pills.

I took too many.

Everybody does, don't they?

Sometimes I feel like I'm not

solid.

I'm hollow.

There's

nothing behind my eyes.

I'm a negative of a person.

It's as if I never

I never thought anything.

I never wrote

anything.

I never felt anything.

All I want is blackness.

Blackness and silence.

Look

one thing I do know about death

is it is not a

a reunion or a homecoming.

There's there's no

your life doesn't

flash before you

and the missing piece

of you clicks into place.

It's just

there's just f*** all.

There's nothing.

So what do you do

when your life

gets as bad as it can

and just keeps getting worse?

You just keep going.

Look

listen.

You are so beautiful.

And you've

you've a wonderful mind.

And you are a great

a great poet.

And you and Ted

you understand each other

in ways that

that other people

can only dream about.

So for God sakes, don't

throw it all away

I don't want to hear her name!

I was going to say

just because of an affair.

Are you all right?

Come in.

I'm going to die.

I'm going to die soon.

Who's going to take care

of my babies?

Mrs. Hughes,

I don't understand.

What do you mean you're

going to die? Are you ill?

No, I'm not ill.

I'm not ill.

I think I really

should call the doctor.

No, no, don't call a doctor.

Don't you know what they do?

They hook you up to the eastern

grid and fill you full of sparks.

Yeah. I'm sorry.

No, I'm sorry.

I'm just so on edge.

I'm just so on edge, I

Oh, God, it's all my fault.

It's all my fault.

It's all my fault.

All I could think about

is what would happen

if somebody took

him away from me.

You see, if you fear

something enough

it can make it happen.

That woman

I conjured her.

- Ma'am?

- I invented her. Do you understand?

No, I'm sorry.

I don't.

Oh, my God.

It's just that I'm so tired.

I'm so tired, I'm

if I could just sleep a little

bit, just a little bit.

I'm just so exhausted.

Perhaps we could get somebody

to look after your children.

Oh, my God!

I left them upstairs!

No, no, don't go.

I'll go and check,

see if they're all right.

Would you like me to do that?

You stay there.

You're a very nice man.

No.

You remind me a little

of my father.

Yes, hello, Kate, it's Sylvia.

I'm all right, I

I was wondering if I could

come 'round and see you.

I see.

Dr. Hawkins,

it's Sylvia.

I oh.

I need help. I

I don't think I can

manage.

You look

very nice.

You'd better come in.

Would you like a drink?

Please.

What do you want, Sylvia?

I wanted to see you.

I thought that you

might like to see us.

I thought there was

something wrong.

Alvarez said you tried

to make a pass at him.

And I've been told

you've been taking pills.

No.

God, I missed you.

I almost went mad.

We're not even two people.

Even before we met,

we were just

these two halves

walking around with big

gaping holes in us

shaped like the other person.

And then we found each other,

we were finally whole.

Then it's as if we couldn't

stand being happy,

so we ripped we ripped

ourselves in half again.

In the spring,

we should go back to Devon.

We'll go back to Devon

and it'll just be us

and the children and our work.

It'll be like this whole

thing never happened.

And the summer and the fall,

and this awful winter.

It'll all fade by the time

the leaves come out.

And it will just seem

like some nightmare

that was never real.

You don't love her

like you love me.

You'll never have with her

what you have with me,

you know that.

I know.

Leave her.

I can't.

She's pregnant.

Oh.

Everything all right?

Do you have any stamps?

It's silly, I know,

but I've got to post some

letters to America tonight

and I airmail,

and I don't have any stamps.

Well, can't you post

them in the morning?

No.

No, I've got I've got a

nurse coming in the morning.

You see, there's a nurse coming.

And anyway, I won't

be here in the morning.

Oh, I see.

Yes, I think I have some.

- Here we are.

- Thank you.

Stamps.

Thanks.

Thank you.

- Well, good night.

- Good night.

Look, do you want me

to call someone?

No.

No, I was just having

I just had the most

beautiful dream.

I love you, sweetheart.

"The box is locked.

It is dangerous."

There are no windows,

so I can't see what is in there.

There is only a little grid.

"No exit."

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