Table 19 Page #2

to the bride and groom?

Right, yeah, that's the sort

of question you ask back here.

Ifs not gonna be

what you want to hear.

It won't be

what she wants to hear.

You're Jo Flanagan, right?

You're the nanny.

Francie's nanny.

How do you know that?

And you know Henry Grotsky

from the diner scene,

you're those people...

Jesus, not the Klumps.

Wow.

The Kepps.

- Bina and Jerry Kepp.

- Right.

And I'm Walter,

just a successful businessman

who just likes to read

his favorite book.

That one.

And you're

Grotsky's friends kid?

You requested

the singles' table.

That was never gonna happen.

How do you know us?

So, Francie, today's bride,

is my oldest friend.

Oh... Thank you!

There's been along discussion

about what kind of table this is

and you've just resolved it!

She is the best friend

of the bride.

Well, oldest.

How close to the toilet

do you feel now, Mr. Kepp?

The same.

The distance is the same.

You know what?

It's the same wedding.

It's the same celebration no

matter what table you're at.

I'm a fan of

detective fiction, Eloise.

Big, big fan.

So when I find that something

doesn't add up, I investigate.

Can't help being a detective,

it's just who I am.

And you want to know what rank on

the force my husband has attained?

He manages a diner in Columbus, Ohio.

That rank.

Fill us in anyway, would you,

on how exactly

the bride's best friend

ended up back here

with the Klumps.

Oldest friend.

Leave it alone.

No, that's fine.

It's not, it's...

It's no mystery,

it's not a big deal.

I got dumped

by Francie's brother,

Teddy Millner, the best man.

That tall drink of sh*t

over there at table one

you can barely see.

God, look at him.

That guy is exactly

who you think he'd be.

Yeah, just a selfish jerk.

Which I somehow didn't see

until two months ago

when he dumped me out of the blue.

Then I saw.

So I dropped out

as maid of honor

because it was awkward

and I RSVP'd "No."

Well, "Yes" and then "No."

And then I thought,

this is about Francie,

it's her day,

and I won't let her brother

scare me away from that.

I'm glad I came.

I'm fine.

I feel nothing, actually.

I'm, like...

I feel liberated.

I feel free.

God. You have no idea

what that feels like.

Someday.

I mean, I am free.

I do, I mean,

I'm a free man,

I do know how it feels.

Right. Great.

Well, then, you know.

It feels great.

I don't have to think

about him anymore.

Talk to him, or...

Excuse me.

All right. Our newlyweds waif!

Be joining us

for their first dance soon.

Okay, what's going on, man?

Meanwhile, enjoy the open bar.

Come on, what does that mean?

What does that mean?

It means you leave me

a voicemail

telling me to tell Francie

not to open your RSVP card.

Then you leave me a voicemail

telling me that you're coming

and then another one saying

"Disregard the last one."

So that's what I mean,

what are you doing here?

You listened to

all those voicemails?

Hey, guys, right here.

Come on, El,

please don't go all crazy.

"All crazy"?

Now what does that mean?

It means you get mad.

You do something big

and you can't take it back

and it's too late, and then...

Crazy.

I do that?

I do that?

I'm not your mom,

so, I don't do that.

I think it's funny, mostly.

But not today.

Nikki will murder me...

All right, all right.

Nikki can calm down.

What is the deal with Nikki?

Really?

Wow. "What's the deal

with Nikki?" That's funny.

Why would you care about Nikki if

you're just here for my sister?

You're right.

Yeah.

You're right.

It's none of my business

if you cheated on me with her.

What?

Why should it even bother me?

Come on! I didn't

cheat on you with her.

It started after we broke up

and you dropped out

as maid of honor.

How does a guy who...

After two years, you break

up with me over text?

"Good luck with your

future endeavors?

Were you firing me?

What the f...

You're an a**hole.

Oh, my God,

you're such an a**hole.

You're a ridiculous a**hole.

Why don't you just go home?

Yeah?

Yeah.

Before you ruin

all this for Francie.

I don't have a ferry ticket

till tomorrow, anyway.

Swim.

Think she'll be back?

I vote yes.

Hey! Let's chat,

you and me.

No, I'd like my

elbow back, Nicole.

Fine.

Just don't make a scene.

Why does everyone

keep saying I do that?

Hey, Jerry Kepp.

Uh-huh.

Just a hypothetical.

If someone offered you

20 bucks to go up

to our room and read your

book in the tub, would you'?

Say yes.

No. You know how I feel

about a hotel bathtub.

People do unconscionable

things in hotel bathtubs.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Bina, stand up. Bina, please,

stand up right now, please.

Why?

I will give you

20 RSVP'd dollars

if you stand up right now.

All right, then.

Okay?

What?

Honey.

Oh.

Sh*t.

What a shame.

Here you go.

Oh, thank you.

So much.

How long have you worked here?

I don't

really work here.

Yeah. What's up?

Look at that

That is why I'm here today.

Rodriguez & Hayes

must be overjoyed.

Actually, I heard

they were fighting.

Okay, look.

Teddy broke up with you.

I know how hard

that can be, okay?

A long time ago,

he broke up with me

to go out with you, so I get it.

But you have to stop now.

I fit into this family.

You never did.

I was Francie's first choice

for maid of honor.

I was Teddy's first choice

for a girlfriend.

Sometimes, first sticks.

Sometimes, it doesn't.

He listened to every

voicemail I sent,

so what does that tell you?

Tells me you don't know

when to stop calling.

Hey, Bina.

Hmm?

Make use of the jacket

and grab us a cheese plate,

would you?

That's funny.

Last week,

I did a search history

on our computer.

And one of us looked up

"Topless Dame Helen Mirren."

Wasn't me.

M-I-R-R-E-N.

Why did you do that?

Why did you come here?

Jerry said he wasn't coming,

and then all of a sudden

he changed his mind

and he won't say why.

Since when does a man

need a reason

to go to a wedding

with his own wife?

See? He has

a pathological aversion

to answering

a question directly.

He always answers

with another question.

Why did you make

Facebook friends

with Henry Grotsky on Facebook?

You answered with a question.

Why are you looking

at my Facebook?

You just did the same thing.

Okay.

Actually, with Henry Grotsky

and Tom Fo.

Tom Fo?

Mmm-hmm.

Well, Henry Grotsky owns

five diners in Central Ohio.

We own a diner in Central Ohio.

Everyone who owns

a diner in Central Ohio

is Facebook friends.

You'd know that

if you paid attention.

Tom Fo. Okay.

Am I Facebook friends

with Tom Fo, really, Jerry?

Okay. All right.

Bina lost her virginity to a

loser immigrant named Tom Fo.

He was from Canada.

From the province of Canada that

produces the most insufferable people.

That's not true.

Manitoba. It is true.

Tom Fo is my first boyfriend,

and we loved each other.

Great, I'll friend

my first love now.

Helen Mirren will be thrilled.

Renzo, pick up the phone.

Renzo, pick up...

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