Table 19 Page #3

Not now, big fight.

Are you all right?

You look lost.

I do?

If you need help, just ask us.

Sorry, "If I need help"?

Do you?

Do you need my help?

Why would I need your help?

Well, you have no one.

I did the table assignments

with Francie.

How could the person who did the table

assignments have no one else here?

I planned half the wedding.

Okay.

Table one is Francie,

Doug and everyone

who actually matters

including Teddy Millner,

the best man-child

and Nikki Carmichael,

the second-choice

maid of honor.

Table two,

Francie's hideous dad...

Roger?

No, he's a lovely bloke.

Roger and his trophy wife,

and Doug's parents

who are married but miserable.

Table three, Francie's

disaster at a mother,

her actual sorority sisters who are at!

Divorced, mostly twice,

sometimes more.

What's happening now?

Four, Doug's

kooky college friends.

Five, grandparents, no comment.

Six, Doug's dad's

military buddies.

Seven, decent cousins.

Eight, indecent cousins

including Infamous Kate,

the Millner family nymphomaniac.

Where is eight now?

Nine, Francie's

scintillating work.

10, Doug's even

more scintillating work.

11, kids' table, no comment.

12 and 13

are two tables of singles,

one supposedly cool,

the other supposedly not.

14, Doug's dads

diner world connections.

The hell are we doing back here?

15 are the wedding hires

including the reverend,

the hairdresser,

the hairdressers colorist.

And then there's three more

rabies until you get back here.

Do you know what Francie's

mother calls this table?

Enough.

What Carol Millner

calls Table 19?

The table that should have

known to RSVP regrets...

but not before sending

something nice off the registry.

Enough.

The table that could

disappear in the middle

of the wedding and no one

would even notice.

Enough!

I did the table assignments

with Francie

before I was replaced

as maid of honor

because her brother broke up with

me over text after two years.

That's the kind of

table this is.

I told Francie Millner a never-ending

story when she was five.

I taught her

a dozen rock-n-roll songs.

I gave her, her favorite

toy in the world.

A golden bird that she so loved,

I bet she still has it now.

Does that sound like a person

they would put at a table

of people they don't care about?

It sounds like someone who

was invited to a wedding

because Francie's

mother found out

she was paying $200 a plate

for the groom's nanny

and wanted to settle the score.

Oh, and me too.

I mean, I'm here too.

Even though Teddy Millner is

the worst person I ever knew.

I wanted to see if maybe

I was still in love with him.

So, thanks for the offer but I'm

done looking for help from people

who are as lost as I am.

I'm Teddy.

And I'm Nikki.

I'm the best man.

Maid of honor.

Welcome for their first dance

Mr. and Mrs. Douglas Grotsky!

Gel this party started!

See the people

walking down the street

Fall in line

just watching all their feet

They don't know

where they want to go

But they're walking in time

They got the beat

They got the beat

They got the beat

Yeah, they got the beat

Hi.

No.

Of course not.

Hello. I am Renzo

representing House Eckberg.

Uh-huh. Okay.

I'm Luke Pfaffler.

Can I help you with something?

Mr. Pfaffler?

May I have a word

with your daughter?

Oh, this is not my daughter.

She's just my Pfaffler today.

Can I ask what her name is?

Megan-Ann.

There it is.

I may come to you one day

asking for Megan-Ann's hand

in marriage.

She's not my daughter.

But today, I'm only going to ask

for her hand in this dance.

And the rest of her,

along with her body.

Good. No,

I don't think that's...

You don't want to dance, right?

No.

She doesn't want to dance.

Maybe I should have a word

with her actual father?

He's not here.

Same with mine.

Okay, I think this

conversation is over, right?

Because it started with

you asking for a dance

and then the answer

to that was no.

First, can I ask if she'd like to

hear about my extracurriculars?

Okay. I'm gonna go out

on a limb here,

Rezno, and say that she has

evaluated the whole package,

including the

after-school specials

and she's not really ready

to dance with that, okay?

So you could just stand awkwardly

in front of another table.

Oh, okay.

Thank you

for the clarity of that.

That was bracing, so thank you.

My pleasure.

Would it matter

if I'm in a band?

What instrument?

Lyrics.

No.

We got the beat

We got the beat

Well, that was weird.

I thought we were gonna be

murdered there for a second.

Mmm-hmm.

Oh, my God, the

lighting in here is brutal!

God!

My dance number is next and

I cannot look like my hair

just got humped by a hurricane.

Hello, Carol.

I must look

very different to you

since the last time

we saw each other.

O-M-G! Oh!

That's mortifying

that I would forget.

Nanny Jo.

Well, you've had

a lot on your plate.

No, I am a Champagne

mental patient.

It is inexcusable.

No, it's fine.

No, it's not.

No, it's fine.

No, it's not fine.

On, my God.

All right. We have to catch

up one of these years,

when my brain is

made of less liquid.

We will die laughing.

One of these years.

My daughter is

a goddamn married woman!

The funny thing is,

the bloke doesn't realize

he's on the ninth green with

his pants around his ankles!

Funny.

This...

is my nephew.

Hello.

My name is Walter and I'm

a successful businessman.

Nice. What line of work

are you in?

I could ask you

the same question.

Me?

Yeah.

Oh, I'm in beer

and wine distribution.

Same.

Oh, you are?

Ever heard of a guy named

Donny Haczyk?

Yes. He's a knobhead.

- He's a what?

- A knobhead.

Like a d*ckhead.

I'm Donny Haczyk.

Good to see you again, Donny.

And pull her close

and there, there, there

And take your baby by the ears

And play upon her darkest fears

We were so in phase

In our dance hail days

Oh, boy.

People do weird things

at weddings.

What was I ever thinking?

It's so weird, one day you

can be 100%, the next...

Are you hungry?

Because there's a plate

of pigs in a blanket

about to come through that door.

Just grab it.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

How did you...

My sense of smell

is my best feature.

Ooh!

Was that a bread roll?

Happy Anniversary.

What's wrong with you?

What are we doing here?

What if I'm just here

to enjoy all of this'?

Huh? We used to dance, Jerry.

Why can't I just be here

to reminisce

on the early days

of Bina and Jerry?

Please.

I give up.

Where's Mr. Manny?

Mr. Manny?

A lady at Table 4 says she tries

to eat her own weight in

purple cabbage every week.

How do I figure out if the kitchen

has that much purple cabbage?

I don't know

why you're telling me...

Okay, forget it.

Take this. Take it.

I'll find Mr. Manny myself.

Oh, come on!

Hmm.

I should go somewhere.

Yeah, I mean...

You should be

traveling the world.

Hmm.

I've never actually

been outside the country.

It almost happened

after high school

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes