Table 19 Page #5

I was not the kind of girl

who ended up with you.

And when it was time for you to

stand up and say that she's wrong

and they' re all wrong and

they're idiots and stand by me,

then you ask me

if I want to keep it.

That's your first question.

What was I supposed to say, El?

I constantly disappoint you.

Then you tell me

that you think our kid

will grow up thinking

that I'm just a joke.

That I was never

good enough for you.

And you finally found

a way to tell me.

And I was so scared

of losing you that

when you told me

you were pregnant,

I asked if you

wanted to keep the kid.

I'm ridiculous

in a million ways.

I am. I know that

But I can't spend my whole life

disappointing you

as much as I disappoint myself.

Sh*t.

I'm sorry.

Hey, stop.

Teddy! Stop! Teddy!

Leave me alone.

No, Teddy!

No, he doesn't get...

Oh.

Oh, my God.

No, we can fix this.

We can fix this. No, Teddy.

On!

Oh! I'm sorry.

I've been hit.

- Oh...

- Sh*t.

Oh, my God.

Oh...

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, my God.

But I'm ridiculous?

Shake ii up

Thank you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Let's go. Thank you.

Shake ii up

Shake ii up

Yeah, shake it up

Oh...

You want me to call Mr.

Manny on these people?

I have a confession to make.

I'm not actually

a successful businessman.

I was in prison because I stole

$125,000 from

the father of the bride.

It was not a table of honor.

I have a bag of dope in my room.

Room 115 for the dope

in case any of you feel that

a bag of dope

would be fun to do.

Not you.

And not you.

You two can drop by and choose

something from the mini fridge.

That was the worst invitation to

anything I've ever received, ever.

Is your room this way?

Or are you just following us?

Who, me?

Just following.

Honestly, it stiff sounds

better than junior prom, honey.

Junior prom is a honor show.

Well, if the thinking was for me

to see people at their most happy,

I would have to say that seems

to be a huge miscalculation.

Did you just break

another chair?

What kind of nanny are you?

Retired.

Wow, the last time

Jerry and I did this

was the last time

Jerry and I had sex.

Three... Actually,

over three years ago.

But no one's counting.

Oh, thank you.

You don't have to do this.

It might be best.

If Uncle Roger finds out,

he might tell my parole officer

and then they'd

send me back to jail

or extend my time

at the halfway house.

I share a room with a man

called Jalapeno

who has a smiley face tattooed

on the end of his penis

so that when he pees

it looks like

it's vomiting sunshine.

He's not as sweet as he sounds.

Well, then you shouldn't do it.

Jalapeno doesn't sound like

a good roommate.

No.

I don't know, unless Uncle Roger

is lurking around outside the

door, I mean...

ls it Uncle Roger?

Nope.

Hi.

I just wanted to say sorry.

I take things too far.

Usually, I'm the only

one who gets hurt,

but it didn't work out like

that today, so I'm sorry.

Join us.

Or do you have

somewhere else to be?

No.

You know, a whole table

disappeared from a wedding

and I bet no one even knows.

We can go anywhere, do anything.

The day is ours.

Hello. My name is Walter

and I'm a successful pothead.

I'm smoking the reefer.

Who smokes pot?

Are you a potter?

- No.

- No?

You're a pothead.

You got a table

with a Jot of your friends

Waitin' for your ship to come in

Folks like me on the job

from nine to five

Concierge, please.

Hi.

Um, can you tell me

when the next ferry arrives?

In about 30 minutes.

Okay. Thanks.

There's a dog in your bathtub.

See? That's what I

mean about hotel bathtubs.

You know, marriage is

till death do us part.

What does that mean? Does that

mean you're gonna get to heaven

and men you'll be single,

and then do whatever

you want at that point?

Maybe.

Nobody knows

what happens after you die.

You are Romeo and Juliet.

And we all wish you

the same happy ending;.

Congratulations,

and best of luck.

When I was a kid,

I wanted to be a magician.

I always wanted to be

a nightclub singer.

Fiction writer.

Now I own a diner.

Bina took over

her family's diner.

And I got suckered

into managing it

after we got married

just like she wanted.

Like I wanted?

Who else would've wanted that?

You asked my father

if you could.

You renamed the family

diner after yourself.

That was your idea.

What?

Uh-huh.

I wanted to be a high school guidance

counselor but instead I went to prison.

You made the right decision.

How did you steal

all that money?

Right. Yeah, well, uh...

Roger got me a job in his office

when he worked

for the Ford Motor Company.

I'm quite good with numbers,

so I worked out a way

to steal $125,000.

So I did.

What did you do with it?

Oh, it wasn't for myself.

My friend Eric, who's an absolute

sweetheart, a lovely bloke,

his wife was very sick

and needed an operation.

Well, then you saved a life.

No. Because it turned out she

wasn't as sick as we thought.

On account of the fact

she didn't exist.

I don't think

he'd ever been married.

What?

He made it up

just for the money.

You just called him

a sweetheart!

He was a lovely bloke.

He was always nice to me.

Except for when he made me

go to prison.

Renzo.

Yeah, what?

What's with the fur tie?

Oh, thank you.

It's pretty dumb.

No, come on.

Yeah, it is. It is.

My mom believed it would

ever so slightly

convey my sexual prowess.

Clonk.

Terrible parents were

my bread and butter.

Remember that suit

I was wearing earlier?

The chaplain from the halfway

house got me that from Goodwill.

And then now I'm wearing

the suit of a beautiful lady.

Oh, thank you very much.

Thank you.

You wear it well.

No. I look all right.

Wait. Why didn't

your dad stop you?

Well, this is my dad's,

actually.

He's dead now, which is

why I get to wear it. So...

Did he say...

Yeah.

Sorry for laughing

about your dead dad.

Hey, no... Guys, no.

It's not all that.

I barely knew the guy, so...

Strangers die

all the time, right?

I mean, 150 people

die every second.

150 people right there.

Can't get worked up over it.

You know?

Better?

No, not really.

Thank you for trying.

My junior prom is tonight.

But my mom said I'd

probably have a better chance

here where nobody knew me, so...

I would have danced with you.

Now, in high school, I certainly

would have danced with you.

And if you want to dance now,

we can just turn on

the radio and just dance.

I don't think so, but thank you.

You smiled

You smiled

And men the spell was cast

Now here we are in heaven

'Cause you are mine

At last

F***.

Here, Ringo! Here, Ringo.

Wonder how my daughter's

gonna feel not having a dad?

Daughter?

Yeah.

I mean, I know it's too early

to know, but... I know.

Well, I have a request

Don't call her Jo.

I met you today and you think I'm

gonna name my daughter after you'?

No, of course not.

I've been a nanny to a lot

of children who've grown up

and if they don't see fit...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes