Table For Three

Barkeep, what's

the drunkest I can get for, um,

two bucks?

For two bucks

I can let you drink

everything that spilled

on my overpour mat tonight...

Splatmat Special.

That sounds terrible.

Bring it.

- Third-wheeling it, huh?

- Huh?

Oh, yeah.

They're just friends from work.

You want some advice?

Watch your back

around those two.

- Watch my back?

- Couples are not to be trusted.

We just work together.

Yeah, it all seems innocent,

till one day

you're sitting in a bar,

telling a stranger about

how your life got ruined.

- You don't have to telI...

- It all started four months ago.

Karen Elizabeth Beale,

will you do me the great honor

of marrying me?

Look what you've done

to Alfonse!

Hey, you know,

it could have been worse.

How?

Technically she never said no.

Maybe it was too soon.

Too soon? We've been

dating for three months.

Almost.

I think anything under

a solid decade is impetuous,

if not downright irresponsible.

I'm sorry about this, man.

This is such bad timing.

I wish I could be here for

you right now, but...

No, I know. Look, it's fine.

I know how long you've

wanted this job, so...

Yeah well, if you ever

find yourself in central Germany,

you know,

schtop by!

Yeah, for sure.

Hey, do you mind?

We're having

a modern male moment here!

Take your time, Mr. Sensitive.

It's not my flight we're gonna miss.

Oh sh*t. Um, okay, I gotta bolt.

You sure you're gonna be okay?

Yeah, I'll be fine.

Oh, listen. Don't go falling for the

first girl that comes along, okay?

I know how you get.

All that hopeless romantic sh*t

will get you in nothing but trouble.

Trust me. Any shred of romance

that was left in me

was ground to

a bloody pulp yesterday.

Oh, good.

I mean, not good. I mean...

f***, you know what I mean.

Well, auf wiedersehen.

Eat some schnitzel for me

or something.

Aye. Be well.

And stay out of trouble.

Echo?

# La la la la #

# La la la la #

Knock it off, fuckhead!

# La la la la #

A**hole.

She won't let you out

for one beer?

Come on. What's that all about?

No, I'm not calling your wife a b*tch.

No no no...

Hello?

Come on, man.

How long have we been friends?

Okay. How long have

we been acquaintances?

Scott Teller. I bought

your futon a few years ago.

# Last night

I picked up the phone #

# Late call said

you were alone #

# Crying to me about #

# All of the things that we said #

# Apologized

for your ways #

# Said that you hadn't

slept in days #

# Said that you need me... #

Hey. I'm Nina.

Hi. Hi, Nina. I'm Scott.

I know this is

incredibly forward, but

I think you're really cute

and I was just wondering

if you'd maybe like to go out.

I'd love you.

I mean, I'd love to

go out sometime.

Not to say that I couldn't

love you at some point.

It's just, you know,

life is a very funny thing.

You never know what's

going to happen next.

Nina?

# So I came back,

opened my mind #

# Decided to

give you the time #

# To make it up to me #

# And not turn away... #

I gotta get a roommate.

You know, the best way

for me to introduce myself

would be to do a monologue.

Okay.

As she leads me to her bed,

I see for the first time

piles and piles of pink panties.

Heh.

Harold just has difficulty

communicating with others.

- Mmm.

- Don't you, Harold?

Mmm...

My vagina is unto the world's

vagina!

I live just around the corner,

so I can visit all the time.

Thank you.

Ryan Beckett.

Mary Kincaid. Hi.

Hi. Scott Teller.

Nice to meet you.

So, this place is awesome.

I was looking for a change last year,

so I moved downtown.

I'm a senior product reviewer

for "Open Collar Worker."

It's a magazine for work-at-home

professionals.

How do you like working

from home?

I won't lie to you.

It gets Ionely sometimes.

Which one of you is interested

in the apartment?

- Actually...

- Both of us.

To be honest, I'm not really sure

about living with a couple.

No offense, but it seems like

it could get kind of awkward.

Is everything okay?

Yeah. We've just been

having a hard time

trying to find a place.

Yeah, and we're really into the whole

downtown loft thing, so...

Yeah.

- Are you okay?

- Hmm?

No, it's just your beard...

Yeah, that.

It itches like a bastard.

I don't know why I keep it.

Someone on the street yesterday

called me "Vermont Guy."

I keep meaning to shave it off,

but I guess I really haven't

had a reason to,

not since Karen...

but I don't want to bore you

with that story.

Uh, no. We're not in

any rush, Scott. Try us.

You can tell us, Scott.

Okay.

# We sit around #

# Looking for flaws

in the diamonds #

# We sit around spilling our

ice cubes on the lawn #

# We sit around

fighting our way #

# Through the darkness #

# And we waste our time #

# When we could be

righting every wrong #

# And we trace heartbreak

where we #

# Can see heartbreak

don't belong... #

Drum roll, please.

Here he comes.

- Yay!

- Hey!

Much much better.

Yeah, considerably less

"creepy shut-in" with this look.

That's exactly what I was going for.

Thanks.

Well, this was really fun

meeting like this.

- We should get going.

- We should.

Hey, listen. Here is our card.

Yeah, call us sometime if you

want to do something,

or just talk.

Good luck with

the roomie search.

Whoever you find is lucky to live

with a guy like you.

Hey, guys, let's do it.

Why don't you move in?

Scott, are you sure?

You guys are the

nicest people I've met,

and let's face it... you're

the nicest people I'm gonna meet.

This place is totally big enough

for the three of us.

Scott, you are not gonna regret this!

We will totally keep

to ourselves. It will be like

- having just one roommate.

- Yeah.

When can you guys move in?

- This weekend?

- Yeah?

- This weekend!

- Great!

I'll see you then.

- All right!

- Awesome!

Okay. See ya!

See you soon.

I can't believe how well our colors

work together. We're both autumns.

Is that fate or what?

Uh, yeah. Looks great.

Give him a break, Mary.

He's only got one X chromosome,

which is why he is much more

interested in this bad boy!

Holy crap!

Well, I am just so glad to see

that you two stayed together.

Yeah, it really looked like

you guys

were on the ropes

there for a little while, so...

Well, fortunately Nerissa has

a high bullshit threshold.

Aww.

Come on, you two

scallywags, join us.

What?

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I know I always do this.

I know I suck. I'm so sorry,

but it really isn't my fault.

I was driving here from work

and I was on the PCH and

the traffic suddenly stopped

and there was a turned-over beekeeper's

truck from some almond farm up north

and there was a cop

who was supposed to be

directing traffic

around the truck

and he's swatting at all the bees.

Everybody gets confused,

and there's like six more accidents

so there was honey

all over the cars.

Ted, it was not my fault this time,

I swear to God. It was not my fault.

Okay, calm down. We have

a couple of minutes.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes