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Tabloid Page #9
a pill of some kind,
but this nurse appeared
with a large syringe
and just stuck it in her.
And we wheeled her out
in this wheelchair
that was provided,
unconscious,
and got her back to the hotel.
Her father, this gentle man,
came in with his wife
and tried to put his arms
around Joyce.
And she just sunk her teeth
into his forearm.
of tussle.
And he managed
to get himself free,
and there was blood
trickling down his arm.
He'd been attacked by a vampire.
Joyce then fled the whole lot
of us in her nightie.
And we kind of followed her
and chased her down.
And there was this freeway
that went past the back
of the hotel with huge trucks
and cars whizzing past
in both directions.
run across this freeway,
miraculously being missed
by all these vehicles
and kind of disappearing
somewhere into the distance.
I know.
Exactly.
Because would you believe
McKinney is back?
Joyce McKinney,
the "sex in chains" girl,
arrested.
She kept us all entertained
in 1977.
She used to phone me up
every day, two or three times,
for months, saying,
"Lawks, have mercy!
I'll kill myself... what
the Daily Mirror said about me."
she'll still pursuing
this unfortunate Mormon.
Can you believe it?
Oh, dear.
You saw him in 1984?
Yeah.
Yeah, I was at the airport,
and his... overweight
Mormon wife saw me.
And I guess she was disturbed
I was using the public airport.
She went and called the police
and said,
"Oh, McKinney's here.
Go get her."
What was his job
at the airport?
- I hate to say this,
but he was a doo-doo dipper.
A doo-doo dipper?
Yeah.
What is a doo-doo dipper?
- That's someone
who takes the doo-doo
off the back of the plane.
They married him off
to this big, overweight woman,
and they told her to start
having kids as quick as possible
so that he would get over me.
That fact that I could have
given him children, I guess,
was bypassed.
I was kind of glad
she was not too good-looking.
I mean, If she had been
really great-looking,
really awful, you know?
Cried my eyes out,
but it wasn't any competition,
if you know what I mean.
The only thing she had
that I didn't have
was 100 extra pounds,
and she was a Mormon.
She was found lurking
outside his office.
I think she was arrested
for stalking him or something.
Do you still love him?
I'll die loving him.
I never got married
because of him.
I'm the incurable romantic,
you know?
The idea of marrying somebody
that I didn't love
and have his kids
and live a humdrum, blas life
with half a love...
a short few weeks
with someone who was
the star in the crown
than to spend my life
with someone and be miserable.
Love is not a changing thing.
It doesn't... it's a steadfast
and eternal thing.
It's like an eternal flame.
It doesn't just stop because
of circumstances or situations.
It goes on, even past death.
It's a very bleak future
you paint for yourself.
Well, first of all,
I want to write my book
and make sure
because, regardless
of what you've heard,
I haven't sold my life story
to anyone, to any newspapers.
The only newspaper I have talked
to has been the Express,
who did the article about
my adventures in America,
and that's it.
And I want my story to be told.
Are you really prepared
to condemn yourself,
'cause that's what it is,
to a very solitary life?
Yes.
Today's date
is September 25, 1986.
September 25, 1986.
It is the interior
of the McKinneys' house,
the office.
This is the office
where the McKinney daughter
is currently working on a book.
Could you work
at this computer
with the Benfield coon dogs
barking outside your window?
My father is trying
to take a nap.
Outside, both Benfield hounds
are barking.
This shot is done
through the screen.
This shot made
on August 8, 1986,
shows absolutely nothing around.
This shot shows absolutely
nothing in the picture.
This shot made
on August 8, 1986,
shows absolutely nothing
in the picture.
This shot made
on August 8, 1986,
shows absolutely
no other animals
or anything in the picture
to agitate the barking
Benfield hound.
This is the same dog, of course,
that's been barking
in the other pictures.
I finally got
what's called agoraphobia.
It's when you can't
go out of the house.
We had a big old farmhouse
with a river on one side
and woods on the other.
And we thought that was, like,
a natural barrier to paparazzi.
But they would just
put on fisherman boots
and just wade
right through that river.
I remember one time a woman
came on our property,
ignored
the "no trespassing" signs,
and she was just gawking
in the window,
like, trying to get up
to see what Joyce McKinney
looked like.
It went on like that for years.
to go feed the horses.
So finally, I got me
this big old guard dog.
His name was Tough Guy.
He was a huge dog.
Solid muscle.
Pit bull mastiff bulldog.
Jaws like a alligator.
And I just put him right
out in the front yard like,
"Come on, boys.
Come on."
One day, he got bee-stung.
These two women
that worked at the pharmacy
who didn't like me
decided that it'd just be a hoot
to add a zero onto
that Prednisone prescription
for Joyce McKinney's guard dog.
Wouldn't that be funny?
Probably drive him nutty,
wouldn't it?
Well, it drove him
more than nutty.
The capillaries
in his brain exploded.
But not before he attacked me.
He didn't know who I was.
He amputated...
I can't raise this arm up.
But he amputated my left arm.
He tore off three fingers
on this hand.
He ripped my intestines out
of my stomach wall.
He shredded my knee
from my right kneecap
to my ankle.
I was bleeding to death.
I was dying.
by the side of the road
I named him Booger.
And Booger
was a little pit bull.
I hit the brakes,
and I backed up,
and I got out, and I said,
"Could you use a friend?
Okay, I'm a softie.
Get in the car."
So he went...
He had a little five-beat
musical bark, Booger did.
Booger, Booger, Booger.
I had taken him home with me,
not realizing that he was
gonna be famous someday
or that he would save my life
or change the lives... my life
and the lives of so many people.
The night that this big mastiff
attacked me, the guard dog,
I got next door
I said, "Help me, Booger,"
and Booger shot out,
and he jumped on that other dog
and pulled it off of me.
It was a fight to the death,
and I thought,
"Poor little Booger,
he's gonna give himself
in a Christlike love for me."
When I came home
from the hospital,
he sat on the bed beside me,
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"Tabloid" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 1 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/tabloid_19290>.
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