Tadpole Page #5

You're taking advantage of him.

Oh, bullshit, Eve.

Oscar's a smart kid.

Now, there are

some forty-year-old men...

of whom I am taking advantage.

Am I overreacting?

He's fifteen!

Well, you and I were hardly

innocent when we were fifteen.

Who went to the Jefferson

Airplane concert...

and pulled down

their tube top and...

That's different, OK?

All right, that's different.

I know why you're upset.

You're upset because you know

that deep down inside...

if our situations

were reversed...

you would have done

the exact same thing.

- Don't be ridiculous.

- You would have.

With a fifteen-year-old?

Not on your life.

Not just a fifteen-year-old.

A smart, sweet,

passionate person.

You're not the only one

with something missing.

Samantha Steadman

gave Oscar her phone number.

And you let her?

He can take care of himself.

I'm not his mother.

Neither are you.

What is wrong

with your friends?

- Nothing.

- Jesus.

And if you hadn't met somebody

in a really long time...

who was very excited

about life...

you would consider

a fifteen-year-old.

Love-thirty

Or, zero-thirty.

As if you know what love means

Comes from

the French word for egg.

L'oeuf

Eve...

I know how it must look.

I understand how misled

you must feel.

I spoke of poetic thoughts

of love and livers

merely hours after having

cheap, meaningless...

sexual intercourse

with your best friend.

No.

That's fifteen-thirty, right?

Serve!

Eve...

sometimes

the natural call of man...

is just too strong to...

No. Ugh.

So that's fifteen-forty, right?

A ratio

you seem particularly fond of.

And, yes, Eve,

true passion does still exist...

and I know this...

because I'm a man

who feels true passion.

I think you'll be fine.

If you're gonna mess with

the stuff of

Greek tragedies. Oscar

you're gonna have to be

prepared for the fallout.

Charlie, help me.

OK, let's look

at this rationally.

If you had met Eve

in, say, a coffee shop...

would you still be

attracted to her?

I mean, it's not just 'cause

she's your mother, is it?

She's not my mother.

Stop saying that.

OK, look,

maybe it's not your fault.

Since your father's been

married to another woman

in the eyes of the church,

he's a polygamist.

So maybe you're just

genetically predisposed...

that is, programmed

to repeat the mistakes...

or sins of your biological...

Shut up, Charlie.

You kids having fun?

Do you want some cookies

or anything?

No, ma, we're fine.

My, Oscar, I can't believe

how big you've gotten.

Yeah, I guess

I hit quite a spurt there.

All right, yeah, uh...

All right, ma, thanks.

And I'll, uh, see you later.

Stick to your own mom,

will you?

Hey, Jimmy.

What's on your mind, Tadpole?

Nobody calls me that anymore,

Jimmy.

What do they call you now?

Stupid.

Everything's messed up.

Well, what's the trouble,

Tadp... uh, Stupid?

Women, I guess.

Not girls?

No, they're definitely women.

No women...

no cry.

Thanks for that, Jimmy.

I made you a sandwich.

Thanks.

Grilled cheese... my favorite

I know

Good thing it's something

I can actually cook.

Dad always burns them.

He won't use teflon.

Well, he's a traditionalist.

These, uh, teflon make

replacement heart valves, right?

You know way too much

for a fifteen-year-old.

Nothing worth knowing.

That's not true, Oscar...

plenty worth knowing.

You know...

with Diane...

Oscar, I've already decided

it's really none of my business.

You are old enough

to make your own decisions.

I want to explain.

With Diane, well...

it was teflon sex.

Pardon me?

She was doing this thing

to my back... pressing.

And I was drunk,

she's a chiropractor...

- that kind of thing.

- That kind of thing.

Hormones racing out of control

or pheromones.

I'm not that kind of a person.

You told me once

that it could be years...

before anyone

really understood...

what the hell

I was talking about...

but that the day would come...

when everyone caught up to me.

And while I knew that maybe

you were just being kind...

I knew one thing.

That I love...

things.

- And, and, uh...

- It's OK.

And there was Diane...

and she was...

wearing your scarf.

I better do the dishes.

Well, I lost big-time.

Look at you.

You're a good boy, Oscar.

Where's Eve?

How should I know?

In bed. Probably

Probably.

That Professor Tisch,

I think he's a cheat.

I bet he palms

off the bottom of the deck.

Oscar. have you noticed

anything different about Eve

this weekend?

Different? Like what?

I don't know,

for the last few months...

she's been going to bed

earlier.

Maybe she's just tired, or...

Or what?

I don't know what.

Maybe I'm missing something.

I thought about

what you said last night.

Maybe I haven't been

listening too well.

Then again, maybe

I'm just imagining things.

Tom. Get your plane

right on time

I know

your part'll go fine

Fly down to Mexico

Do-n-do-n-do-n-do

and here I am

The only living boy

in New York

I get the news I need

on the weather report

I can gather all the news

I need on the weather report

Hey. I got nothing to do

today but smile

Do-n-do-n-do-n-do

and here I am

The only living boy

in New York

Half of the time we're gone.

But we don't know where

And we don't know when

Ahh

I'll get your ticket.

I'll be right back.

You have a loose button.

I'd sew it for you,

but I don't sew.

I know.

I'm not a very good mother...

step-mother.

Who says they have

to cook and sew?

Anyway,

you know how to monitor...

cardiac myocytes...

that's enough.

How's your liver?

Hurts.

Broken?

No.

I love your father very much.

Me, too.

So, see you back here

in about three weeks?

You two look very serious

We're talking about Christmas.

Oscar's going to his mother's

in France.

He is?

We're going to Portugal,

just the two of us.

- We are?

- Lf you want.

Hey.

Bye, sweetie.

Here.

Thanks, Oscar.

You're welcome.

See you at school.

OK.

"If we don't find

anything pleasant...

"at least we shall find

something new."

What's that?

Voltaire.

Oh, right.

See you at school.

She is so hot for you.

She smells nice.

She what?

Still don't know

what I was waiting for

And my time

was running wild

So, what happened with Eve?

Every time

I thought I'd got it made

Come on, talk to me, Grubber.

So I turned myself

to face me

Well, it wasn't as important

as I thought it was.

Of how the others

must see the faker

I'm much too fast

to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Turn and face the strain

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Don't want to be

a richer man

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Turn and face the strain

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Just gonna have to be

a different man

Time may change me

But I can't trace time

Ooh. Yeah

I watch the ripples

change their size

But never leave the stream

of warm impermanence

And so the days

float through my eyes

But still the days

seem the same

And these children

that you spit on

As they try

to change their worlds

Are immune

to your consultations

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