Tadpole Page #4

You're making me nervous.

Relax.

I'll be very good tonight.

Just don't let me drink.

He looks over at me,

and he goes...

"You know,

you have really beautiful eyes."

I go, "Yeah, I know that."

But, you know,

we're in a movie theater.

There's no way he could see

my eyes. It's dark.

So, he goes, "You know what's

wrong with the modern woman?

"They're acutely sensitive."

So, Oscar,

are you happy at Chauncey?

You already asked me that, dad.

I did?

And what did you say?

I said it was OK.

Sometimes

you don't listen so good.

So well. Listen so well.

See, you correct,

or you add facts...

or you give

your own little anecdotes...

but you don't really

absorb the reason...

the person is saying

the thing that she is.

- She?

- Me, I mean.

The reason

I'm telling you something.

Hmm, that's interesting.

- And silence, dad.

- Silence?

Listen to what it tells you.

Sometimes it's peaceful,

sometimes it's a shrill scream.

Honey, this is Bob Spear.

Oh, pleased to meet you.

This is my daughter Miranda.

Oh, how's Chauncey

treating you, Miranda?

Good

- Have a nice holiday.

- You, too.

Nice to meet you

Hello

I'm Stanley Grubman

Oscar's father.

- Oscar Grubman?

- He's here.

This is such a coincidence

We were just talking about you

today... about. Uh...

Dad! Dad!

I was just

meeting your friend here.

And if you don't mind

my saying so...

she is a little firecracker.

I think Eve wants to see you

She has to give you a pill

or something.

What pill?

For your condition.

For my cholesterol?

Yes. Yes. Your cholesterol.

I'm sorry.

He gets a little confused.

- How are you, Oscar?

- Uh, fine.

Happy Thanksgiving.

What are you two talking about?

Colorado.

- What's this about pills?

- He's never been to Colorado.

Oscar,

you're acting very strangely.

What pills?

Bon soir. Would you like

to take something to drink?

May we see a wine list, please?

In fact, forget the wine.

Nobody wants it.

What's this? No wine?

Pardon?

The boy, he says you are

not in the mood for wine.

Oscar...

Oscar

I'm in the mood.

Me too.

Shouldn't we take a break

once in a while?

I mean, what are we, dependant?

We can't have a good time

without alcohol?

Oscar, you're making it sound

as if we have a problem.

Fine.

Wine list, please.

But why Portugal?

When people go to Portugal

I always think

all the hotel rooms in Spain

must have been booked

See. To me.

Portugal is the one

that's always held

the eternal mystery

Oh...

none for me, thanks.

And what do you want, Diane?

Peter says I may have

a shot at the English prize...

if I read Beowulf properly.

That is, taking into account

the times...

instead of reading it

with a contemporary slant.

You can't discount history,

Oscar.

No, you can't.

You can't discount it at all.

The sales representative...

this twenty-five-year-old kid

who's talking to me

about book jackets

for four hours

I went cross-eyed

Diane:
How many pages

you got there. Stanley?

Stanley:

Well. I have about 715

How are you?

I'm good.

No. How are you?

I'm good, Oscar.

It's good to see you.

You, too.

Are you sure you don't have

a girlfriend at Chauncey?

I would think

they'd be lining up.

Eve... l've been thinking

about maybe going premed.

Maybe Columbia.

I'd be in the city,

we could meet...

to go over my homework...

I mean, if you'd be willing.

Well, I'd love to, Oscar,

but you love literature.

You're fluent in French.

You should be a scholar.

A lot of medicine's

in Latin, right?

So, I figure, French, Latin...

I'm not doing so badly

in biology.

I mean,

I know what an isotope is.

But if you went premed...

you couldn't get caught up in

the poetry of the pericardium.

I would get caught up

in the poetry...

of the thing itself,

like you do.

Don't quote me back to myself

Is the world really waiting

for another academic?

A new subject

Something I am passionate

Diane?

Diane. Would you

pass the bread. Please?

Ahem

Thank you.

Are you coming down

with something?

I'm fine.

Are we still playing tennis

tomorrow?

Oh, is that tomorrow, tennis?

Don't you think

you've had enough?

Look at some

first editions he just bought

He suspects he's been swindled.

Must you be so uptight...

I'm not saying anything.

You're making me nervous.

OK. Maybe you could go

to Norm's in the afternoon.

I could

I could go in the afternoon

Get your foot

out of my crotch, please.

Get your foot

out of my crotch, please.

The thing is, I hate tennis.

I have the court booked.

I'll play tennis with you, Eve.

I love tennis.

Yes, Oscar's a wonderful sport.

There you go.

Oscar'll play with you.

- You will? You don't mind?

- Not at all.

Oscar is very gallant.

Oscar has a new girlfriend.

- Really?

- Mm-hmm.

It seems last evening...

he had quite

the late night conversation.

Oh, tell us about it.

Diane,

wine is bad for your heart.

I thought wine

was good for your heart.

It is, in moderation.

So, who is this girl, Oscar?

She's quite a little number,

by the looks of her.

I thought the girls at Chauncey

hadn't lived enough.

Can we change the subject,

please?

Well. If we're going

to change the subject

I'm going to excuse myself

for the ladies room.

Excuse me.

I think that's why

he's acting so strangely.

What the hell are you doing?

- What do you mean?

- What do I mean?

You're drinking.

You're making these jokes.

You have your foot

in my crotch...

- Loosen up.

- Loosen up?

I asked you

not to let them know.

Oh, my!

What is it?

Something very unusual.

No one knows anything.

What is that on your face?

What?

Oh! Aah! Ow!

Do you two have something

you'd like to share with us?

What?

Oh, God.

What's going on?

Well?

OK, I think what

we're talking about here...

is Prufigger's

theory of distortion...

which states that

prismatic effect of a body...

reflected on a plane

at a certain angle...

Stanley, what is it?

An illusion...

Oh. What the hell

We're all adults here

No, actually, we're not.

Eve...

- Oscar and l...

- Both speak French.

Oscar and I are lovers

What?

What? Are you drunk?

Oscar, just relax.

I saw them in the mirror.

I just hope Miranda Spear

didn't see it, too.

Dad, there is no Miranda Spear.

There is no Mir...

What are you talking about?

I just shook hands

with her father.

When did this happen?

Last night?

Mm-hmm.

Stanley...

Of course, you know,

it's not that uncommon.

In ancient Rome,

fifty-year-old men...

would marry

fourteen-year-old girls.

This is not ancient Rome.

I am nowhere near fifty!

Well, it is all very

The Graduate.

Except that Oscar

hasn't graduated.

There.

Thanks.

So, you coming to bed soon?

Uh, in a while. I just have

to finish these chapter notes.

Good night, sweetheart.

I just don't see

why you're so upset

I'm entrusted with his welfare,

Diane.

I mean, can you imagine

if Oscar's mother found out?

She's French, isn't she?

They're not all like that, OK?

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