Tadpole Page #3

Now, who needs

to use it as a symbol...

when the thing itself

is so magnificent?

- The thing itself.

- Hmm.

Well, as a symbol,

it should be replaced.

The heart's had its day.

Why not the kidney as a symbol

of love, or the liver?

Hmm.

"You broke my liver."

"My liver aches for you"?

Doesn't rhyme as well...

you know, for country songs

and Shakespeare.

Sure it does.

I'm aquiver.

Please deliver.

Deep as a river,

my love, my liver.

I just can't...

Hello?

Hi.

Oscar's here, visiting.

Yeah.

I know. OK.

Your father says,

"Don't forget...

"we're having dinner tonight."

I haven't forgotten!

He says, "Did you ask

Miranda Spear to join us?"

- Who?

- Miranda...

No. No.

Tonight's family night.

Don't worry about that, Oscar.

I mean, Diane is coming.

Diane?

And Phil.

It sure would be nice

to see Diane and Phil.

Have you met Phil?

I think so.

Well, Phil isn't coming, OK?

Diane likes

to keep her options open.

It's just Diane. Right?

Yeah. I thought so

Hey, buddy. Come on in.

- Is Diane around?

- She isn't.

Is your back

still bothering you?

Well, come on in.

I'll give you a rub-a-dub.

Thanks. Anyway

I'd rather not trust my back

to a dentist.

The old gal

taught me a few tricks.

Why do you call her "old gal"?

You make her sound

like she's a horse.

Actually,

she's more of a wildcat.

Diane's with the girls

down at Payard

if your back's really that bad.

Hey, you know, buddy, you're

gonna have to learn to relax.

You're gonna be dead

before you reach twenty.

Thank you very much

Here you go

No, you didn't.

Is that right?

Diane.

Can I talk to you

for a minute, please?

You must be Oscar.

I'm Samantha.

So, it sounds like you have...

some interesting ideas

about French philosophy.

Yes. Diane was telling us...

that you regard Voltaire

as a comedian.

Well, I think that

when you look at his body...

Excuse me. Diane, can I talk

to you for a minute, please?

In a minute, Oscar.

Oscar, have some tea.

The assertion

that all man's actions

are essentially self-serving

has never been taken

in the spirit it was intended...

which was a quote, a quote.

And that's what Adam Smith

was really saying...

in The Wealth of Nations.

At least,

that's what I've always thought.

- More tea, Oscar?

- Thank you, Abigail.

Now, most people

are going to tell you...

that Quine's belief

in the inherent goodness...

But, Oscar, I don't see how you

can dismiss Mirabeau so easily.

Mirabeau never even

got out of the gate.

Oh, you naughty girl.

- Where did you find him?

- Isn't he lovely?

He's so passionate,

and he really listens.

Do you mind

if I give him my number?

No. Go ahead.

Oscar, I'd love to chat

more with you...

about this sometime

or, um, about anything.

I'm pretty busy

with midterms and all.

Anything, anytime.

- Bye, Oscar.

- Bye, Samantha.

- Bye, Oscar.

- Abigail.

- Bye, Diane.

- Bye, girls.

Well, Oscar,

it was a pleasure to meet you.

Pleasure.

You two be good Heh heh

I'll call you tomorrow.

- Diane.

- Mm-hmm.

You didn't, uh, tell anybody...

about what happened last night,

did you?

Does it matter if I had?

You're a grown-up...

or close enough.

Did you?

I didn't say anything definite.

I may have hinted a little.

Hinted? Why do they need hints?

This isn't charades.

What if one of them tells Phil?

- Phil, schmil.

- "Phil, schmil?"

That isn't very nice. That

isn't very sensitive at all.

Oscar, please.

Phil and I are not an item.

Ahem. Excuse me.

There's no smoking.

OK.

Forget about Phil.

Diane, I'd like to ask you...

not to come to dinner tonight.

Not go to Cafe Balou?

Are you kidding?

Your father's paying.

I want to minimize

the likelihood...

of your blabbing to Eve.

Maybe you've already told Eve.

I haven't even seen Eve yet.

Yet?

Do you plan to tell her?

Oscar,

Eve and I grew up together.

Jeez, the stories I could tell

you about Eve when we were 15.

You wouldn't have

recognized her.

I don't want to hear it.

When we were fifteen,

Eve had this thing for Elvis.

- Elvis Presley?

- Hmm.

Flipped for any guy

in sideburns.

Sideburns? What's so great

about sideburns?

I don't know.

The strangest things

made her happy.

She was always happy back then.

Back then?

Are you saying now she isn't?

No.

That wasn't my intention.

Look. You know what?

Let's just forget it.

I shouldn't have said anything.

No. We can't just forget it.

We're talking about

Eve's happiness here.

I guess I can confide in you.

We're close now, right?

In a manner of speaking.

OK. Ahem.

I don't think Eve is happy.

There's a void.

Something's missing.

What makes you say that?

It's a woman thing.

I sense it. I feel it.

Plus, last week,

she said there was a void...

and something was missing.

Did she say what?

Couldn't put her finger on it.

I wouldn't worry about it.

She'll get over it.

So. Who is this girl?

A friend of the family's.

You gonna see each other again?

Tonight. But her best friend's

gonna be there.

Well, is the friend cute?

I wouldn't call her cute,

exactly.

I mean, would I like her?

Well, you know,

I slept with her last night.

With the friend?

Damn!

Yeah. With the friend

But you don't like the friend.

Not really. Not like that.

But you're going to dinner

with both of them...

the woman you like

and the woman you slept with?

Yeah.

My dad's coming, too.

Nothing's simple

for the Grubber.

Talk to me, Oscar.

What's going on here?

I don't know, Charlie.

I found her.

The girl with the great hands.

Terrific hands.

Are you gonna tell me her name?

Eve.

Eve... like your mother.

Eve's not my mother.

She's my stepmother.

We're not blood relatives

at all.

Wait. So, your Eve is that Eve?

Your mother?

She's very wise...

and soft.

Are you out of your mind?

Do you want to end up in hell

or something?

Charlie, I love her.

Oscar,

Eve is married to your father.

I know, but I sense there's

a void there... something missing.

She needs something more

in her life.

Oh, and that would be you...

her stepson.

I mean, hey, I know you're

French, and you have, like...

a different idea

of family relations, but...

Wait.

This means you slept with Diane.

I realize that was a mistake.

She was wearing Eve's scarf.

It smelled of her perfume.

I got confused.

Uh... I mean...

Diane's pretty hot...

for that age group.

These look fake.

You really f***ed up.

Charlie, help me.

I need sideburns.

Well... all right.

Let me think.

I know

we've talked about it

just being the two of us

but the Shermans love

Beethoven. As it turns out

Is it all right with you

if they come with us?

Honey? Did you hear me?

Sure Fine

Norm knows the Galea

like the back of his hand

He'll be humming along.

Like he did with Carmen

Remember that?

Eve. have you seen my tie?

Honey?

Honey. I want the tie

the Shermans

gave me for Christmas

- Hi.

- Hi.

You look nice.

You look, uh, different.

Worse or better?

Very handsome.

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