Take Me Home Tonight Page #2

- Wendy, you're going to England.

- I don't know. I don't even know if I'd go.

Why?

I don't know if Kyle would come or not.

We took possession of the condo on Tuesday...

I mean look, he'll visit. He needs to

experience a new language. Open it!

I just applied to see if I could get in.

Okay, Wendy, you know that I hate

giving you compliments, right?

I've read your short stories. They're

amazing.

I know.

Open it, open it, open it.

F***in open it!

- No!

- Ok!

No I'm not going to. No, not now.

No, I just want to have fun tonight.

Matt? Don't tell anyone, promise!

You can trust me. I'm a Goldman

Sachs man.

Good luck with that...

Ok, here we go. Nelson Mandela,

Purple Rain, windsurfing.

- Windsurfing?

- Windsurfing?

What am I doing?

I'll never get this girl.

I don't wanna hear that talk tonight. Ok?

How long do I know you?

- Since 5th grade.

- Since 5th grade, right?

You're whippin it real good now. Look at

you. You're the smartest guy I know.

The acne is all cleared up.

Hey, you've had sex now.

- Yeah.

- Yeah!

I'm gonna be with you, every step of

the way. You're gonna do this, Matt!

And you're gonna do it well.

You're gonna get this broads number.

Hey great work today guy, alright. Thank

you very much. Good job today.

Appreciate it. Bien. Mucho!

- Hey Kyle.

- Hey.

Get these lights on. Let's see what

this looks like.

Hey watch. I'm gonna school this

b*tch, man.

Guys. Get a beer. You're off the clock.

Hang out. Good job today.

Stellar! That's exactly what I'm talking

about. We having a party here or what.

Play that f***in music, white boy.

Oh, if I didn't have a cast on, I'd

school you little b*tches.

- Oh sh*t! I can't show up in this car.

- Why not?

Uh, the Frederking does not roll in a

kumquat.

That's my ?? bottle from MIT. Come on,

I was saving that for something special.

It's kinda special that I've never drunk

this much, this fast before.

Hey, listen. You will get through this.

I got fired today, ok? Fired.

I didn't go to screw all day and drink all

night college, like you twin bastards did.

Tonight I'm catching up.

- Take a right at these lights up here.

- Why?

Take a right! I'm sorry.

I'm having no part of this.

Yeah Barry, I'm a little fuzzy on how we're

gonna get away with this.

I have a set of keys. I know all the alarm

codes. It's almost perfectly legitimate.

Almost.

- You just honk the horn if anything shows up.

- Roger that.

Listen Barry. We really don't want to spend

tonight in the LA county jail...

Giving some white supremacist a crying

blow job.

That's not gonna happen, Matt. There's

no way you'd cry.

Look!

Mike the prick bastard sales manager keeps the

keys to the 560SL in his prick bastard desk.

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon.

I don't know ??

We're gonna bring it back later, nobody's

gonna know the difference, okay.

I don't know. What if someone sees us?

I think there might be security cameras.

Matt, stop thinking. Ok, we'll just

do it.

- Shut off the alarm.

- No problem.

F***!

They changed the alarm codes, man. Those

bastards didn't trust me.

I wonder why.

Oh my god. Holy f***! This is great!

- You p*ssy! Get back in the game!

- C'mon.

What the hell is he doing?

Test drive?

- Holy sh*t!

- Stole a car! We stole a car!

Unbelievable.

I've never driven the 560SL before, Matt.

They never let me.

- Man... maybe you should take it back.

- No.

You need this car tonight, Matt. You

need this car tonight.

Doreen! What's up?

Tell 'em Where You from.

Straight Outta Compton

Another crazy-ass Nigga.

Punks I smoke, yo, my rep gets Bigger

I'm a bad mutha fucka and you know this.

But the p*ssy ass niggas won't show this.

But I don't give a f***, I'm a make my snaps.

If not from the records in the jack and the craps

Like burglary, the definition is jackin .

But when I'm legally armed, it's called packin.

Crazy mutha fucka from the street.

Oh my god...

Think your prick bastard boss keeps a

comb in here?

Holy...

Are you stupid?

- What is that finger thing?

- I don't know.

- Tastes like aspirin.

- My tongue is numb.

Holy sh*t, Barry. That was awesome.

My god!

- Sunshine!

- Hammer pants!

- Hey, how's it going ??

- Did you two manage to f*** each other yet?

- What?

- What?

Oh sh*t, Matt. Matt Franklin. And uh, your

buddy your always hanging out with.

What's up. You never makes these

things, man.

So that's the "ball".

In person, live, via satellite.

- You know it's not via anything, right?

- Yeah, I get the point.

- I don't think he knows what "via" means.

- Yeah f*** you.

Wendy get up here. C'mon baby. Get your

hot ass up here and give me a kiss.

Be careful.

Oh, sorry.

Ok Matt. Share with everybody.

- Nothing.

- Go ahead. What? What were you saying?

This looks suicidal, man.

C'mon. You just don't like it cause the

ball represents "balls" ...

...which you don't have.

Kyle.

- Oh, is this one of those "metaphors"?

- Matt!

Wendy, no. I got this one.

Yeah, yeah, it's a metaphor.

- So the "ball" is...

- Balls!

Good one.

- This is...

- That is a metaphor. I totally got him.

Oh my God. Exclamation point! Matt

Franklin.

Do not go anywhere.

Nice shades, a**hole!

- No sign of the Frederking.

- Yup.

Man I feel like I'm in 10th grade again.

I'm gonna put these on ice.

Hey Franklin.

- Down here Hans Solo.

- Ah, f***!

- Carlos, what happened to you?

- 67 times 365?

- You're in a wheelchair.

- Answer!

- Uh... 24455. What's up?

- I've been really lazy. Just kidding.

I got hit by a drunk driver right

after graduation, but...

"Don't cry for me Argentina" It's not so

bad, I get better parking, tons of p*ssy.

I mean I have stronger opinions about

hills now but, whatever.

So what have you doing, building

jet packs?

- Uh, no, I work at Goldman Sachs.

- No you don't! No way you work there!

No I do. I work in Asian takeovers.

That's funny, cause you know where I

work? Goldman f***ing Sachs.

- You don't work there!

- You work at Goldman Sachs?

You bet your legs I do. Think I'm gonna

let this sh*t hold me back?

You don't need to walk to speculate currencies.

I said "You don't need to walk to speculate currencies"!

I'm doing what I want. I'm following

my dream.

- Eat it.

- I thought you wanted to play baseball!

- F*** you, Franklin!

- Ah, look. Do you know Tori Frederking?

- Yeah, I know her.

- Well if you see her, could you show her this...

... and tell her I work at Goldman

Sachs.

Wow, that's pathetic dude.

Probably not gonna work either. We

don't have an LA office.

Everybody knows that, who has

half a sack. Spelled with a "k".

- Well just don't rat me out.

- Yeah I'll think about it.

If I'm not gettin laid. When I'm gettin

laid I don't think about much else.

Anyway, kinda gettin bummed out talking

to you. What do you do, anyway?

- I thought you went to MIT.

- I work at Suncoast video.

Wow... Congratulations? Mom and dad

must be psyched.

I'm gonna get outta here. Check this

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