Take Me Home Tonight Page #3

out, "moon walk".

Will you guys move. I'm trying to

f***ing party here.

And it's Kyles crazy grandma, standing there.

And she says, listen to this...

I can't tell if your f***ing or drowning.

But neither one is letting me get any sleep.

So embarrassing.

So, uh, the next day, my dad pulls me

aside...

...and he offers to help with the

down payment on a condo.

Yeah, so I guess we screwed ourselves

into the market.

"Literally".

Yeah, anyway so we're moving in on Tuesday, and...

but it's great cause there's a hot tub...

Hi. I can't handle this right now. I want

to do some of the coke.

What do you mean you can't handle this?

- I want to do the coke!

- No, what can't you handle?

- Not doing the coke!

- Ok, Barry, we're not cocaine people.

A, My dad's a cop. B, I'm defining my

gray area...

...which I'm pretty sure doesn't include

hard narcotics.

- Give me the bag.

- No.

Give me the bag or you don't get

the car keys.

Okay, just take it easy "Scarf ace."

This one here is an alarm...

- Tori Frederking?

- Rick Herrington. Oh my god.

- How are you?

- I'm good... wow... oh.

Hey, how are you?

What's up man? Good to see you.

Dude and I we're just packing up.

Moving in together next week.

- We got a condo.

- Yeah, baby tell them the story.

We're here 4th of July. My family always has

the big party here, and the house is packed...

...with relatives and so there's no place

for us too...

- I know.

- You know?

So we come down to the pool, where

it's always kinda quiet, right.

- You know, getting into it, water splashing...

- So embarrassing.

A flotation ring hits me in the head. And

I'm like mid pump, its like... what?

And I look and it's my crazy grandmother

and she says to me...

...I can't tell if you're f***ing or drowning,

but neither one is letting us get any sleep.

Next day, dad pulls us aside and offers

to help with a down payment on the condo.

Yeah so I guess we screwed ourselves

into the market.

That's good.

Hey, um, Matt you remember Tori.

Whoa, yes... weird.

- How's it going? Mark?

- Oh, heh heh...

Very funny.

It's Matt.

Is my name.

So, high school again, huh?

Freaky Deeky.

How's that?

Wow, this breeze is great. It's like,

wind surfing weather, you know.

I tell you, I'd love to be out on

my board tonight.

- You're into wind surfing?

- Hell yeah!

- Big time, you?

- No, I'm not!

- Really?

- No!

Yeah, no, well... cause wind?! F*** that!

Um, I should probably go check to make

sure we're not running out of soda, inside.

- So I'll see you guys later.

- Good seeing you.

See ya.

- You know it's funny...

- Hey, you ever find yourself in Paris?

- Uh, yeah...

- Yeah?

There's a lovely bistro right around

the corner from the Sorbonne, called the...

It's chevre chaud is impeccable.

We are doing cocaine. Ok.

Looks so easy in the movies.

Let's do this. You're gonna do this, ok.

You're gonna feel unbelievable.

Nostrils ready. We're doing this. Ok.

Nice!

Great.

I get stuck with a bag of sh*t.

Blammo!

Hey, you're hot!

I'm growling at you! Did you hear me. I

was growling at you like a lion.

A lion in the jungle.

I'm Barry.

Confirmation, yeah you're hot!

- What?

- Hello.

Show them the ??

You are tall. But I can still hear you.

Whoa, you're gonna hurt somebody man.

You're gonna take someones eye out.

- That guy is my boyfriend.

- Hope he screws better than he dances.

Oh sh*t he's about to do the splits. I

can see it in his eyes. There he goes.

He's got no testes left.

He's got no testes left.

Who's got a watermelon?

Yo, go find your own date.

I got my own date. I think that

you used to know her.

What's up? Want to dance?

Let's see what you got, boy!

Take a good look around you. Everything

changes, but "nothing" changes.

Yeah, I hear you brother.

So I been getting into this whole wine thing lately.

Tasting it and talking about it.

We should go down to my dads boat and uh,

do a little sampling.

Oh hey... there you are.

Matt, hello? When are you

gonna show me that thing?

Right, the uh, waterfall. On the other

side of the patio.

- I was gonna show you that.

- I love waterfalls. I'll just be back in a bit.

- How do you like that?

- That was awesome. So good. I got goose bumps.

So...

This waterfall's... you know...

There's no waterfalls.

I know.

- Have you seen Niagara?

- No I haven't. Have you?

No.

Hey Tori, uh...

- Have you...

- Hey! Everybody.

Barry Nathan and Tyler Jones are

having a dance off.

But I am, my ridiculously dressed friend.

I am in downtown tokyo, I am the samurai dance master...

... and I'm gonna dance your dummy playing

ass into the ground.

Yo, DJ... hit it!

Wow, that's amazing.

That's all you got?

You had enough? You had enough?

F***in a, Barry.

I got you b*tch.

- C'mon. Chill out, alright?

- Cool, cool, cool.

- C'mon you guys. We are adults.

- Fine, fine, fine. It's over.

Don't do it again, white boy. Here.

God damn it, Barry.

- Are you OK? Oh my god she's choking.

- Somebody help her.

I got her. I got you. Breathe...

breathe...

Get off her.

- You're gonna pull through. C'mon! Breathe!

- What are you doing?

- I'm giving you the Heimlich.

- I wasn't choking. She was.

I'm such a jackass. I'm sorry.

I suck at this. I'm... I'm... What

am I doing? I'm sorry!

You're awesome. I'm trying so hard, and

I... it's...

Here's the thing. You were my high

school crush, by the way.

And I just physically assaulted you in

front of a bunch of people.

I just hit rock bottom. So... don't

mind me.

- Really?

- Oh, yeah.

I don't see how it could get any worse.

Nope! Got it!

I could ask you to dance and, chuck

my drink in your face...

And twirl you into the f***ing wall.

I'll do it.

I'm sorry... I was...

Oh I love this song!

I love this song.

- Do you wanna... do you wanna dance?

- Sure!

Are you insured?

I will dance with you if you promise,

no twirling.

Right, I promise. I'll go slow.

- I was wondering, uh... if I could get your phone...

- What?

I was wondering if I could...

I could, uh...

I could always tell in high school, um,

that you were gonna land on your feet.

Ladies and gentlemen, if I could get

your attention please.

First of all I want to say thank you to

everybody for chillin with me...

...on my very last labor day party.

You know nothings changed it

seems like since we graduated.

Trevor, talking to you. What's up

with that f***ing ear ring, dude?

We are changing, and we're moving on.

We're going our separate ways. And some of

us are going our separate ways... together.

You all know Wendy.

- Wendy Franklin here. Honey get on up here.

- What are you doing?

What is he doing?

I think that she is... one hell of

a chick.

Because she turned a lump of coal like me

into a diamond.

From all the pressure she put me under. Oh!

Oh, wait. There's something I got here.

- Oh my god!

- Oh my god!

Wendy, will you marry me?

- No!

- Hell yeah!

Yes, yes I will.

Oh man, come on!

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