Tales of Halloween

1

Attention, all you

trick-or-treaters,

it's time to get your ghoul on,

for tonight is

All Hallow's Eve,

my favorite time of the year.

Our little town really

comes alive on October 31st,

when witches and devils,

imps and monsters

roam our town.

As the holiday

activities begin,

the streets are filled

with all kinds

of creatures of the night.

Some wear masks to disguise

their dark intentions,

while others choose

to hide in plain sight.

So warning to those of you

collecting your treats

and filling your bellies.

Keep your wits about you

and don't forget

to check your candy.

Hey, Mikey, slow down.

You're gonna

make yourself sick.

Oh!

What'd I miss?

Just Mikey being

a human garbage disposal.

Ooh, I see.

Seriously, Mikey, you better

save some for Sweet Tooth.

Who's Sweet Tooth?

About 50 years ago,

Timothy Blake

lived on this very street.

Timmy loved Halloween.

He loved to dress up.

Most of all,

he loved trick-or-treating.

But he was always sad

when he had to go home.

But that's the best part.

That's when you get

to eat all the candy.

Not for Timmy.

See, Timmy's parents

were really strict.

They would let him go out

trick-or-treating,

but they never let him

eat any of the candy.

They said eating candy

would make him fat and lazy

and rot his teeth.

Go to your room, son.

Why let him go

trick-or-treating then

if he couldn't have any candy?

What do they do with it all?

That's exactly

what Timmy wanted to know.

So one Halloween,

Timmy snuck downstairs

to find out.

Where'd he get all this?

Did you find it?

Mmm! Mmm!

Suck on this!

There's my candy bar!

What did he do?

No!

No, no, no!

After he killed his parents,

Timmy finally had

his first piece of candy.

He was hooked.

He ate every last piece

his parents hadn't.

- But...

- What?

He wanted more.

But there wasn't any left.

Yes, there was.

No way.

Timmy ate all the candy

he could find

inside his parents, but...

- What?

- He wanted more.

Now every Halloween,

every single Halloween since,

his evil spirit comes back

trick-or-treating.

If you don't share

your candy with him,

he will come and take it,

all of it,

even the candy

you've already eaten.

Anything to satisfy

his sweet tooth.

Lizzy, is it true

what Kyle said?

It was just a story, Mikey.

He was just trying to scare you.

He's a douchebag.

Get some sleep.

As long as they have you...

- What are you doing?

- Celebrating.

I think Mikey

almost sh*t his pants.

Thanks for the assist.

We'll be lucky if he gets

any sleep tonight.

I think we might have

taken it too far.

Come on, Liz.

The Sweet Tooth story's

a Halloween tradition.

Every kid in town falls for it.

It's like a rite of passage.

I know, but you didn't

have to be such a...

An awesome guy?

A douchebag.

His words, not mine.

Peace offering?

Trick or treat.

Get out in that field.

It could be a barn fire.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe we ate it all.

I feel sick.

Where you going?

I'm going to get some Pepto

before we both get sick.

Better hurry.

You know we are going

to have to get more candy.

Don't say the C-word.

Hit him in the head,

right between the eyes.

Good shot.

Okay, he's dead.

Let's go get him.

That's another one

for the fire.

Trick or treat.

Mikey?

I'm coming! I'm coming!

Don't puke! Don't puke!

You gonna live?

You better get going.

Mikey's parents

will be home soon.

Kyle.

Kyle!

Trick or treat.

Lizzy!

Mikey!

I'm too tired.

- I don't wanna drive her home.

- I don't eith...

- Whoa!

- Jesus, Mikey.

Don't yell at him tonight.

It's Halloween.

- I'm too drunk to yell at him.

- Trick or treat, by the way.

Trick or treat.

- Do you want a treat?

- Yes.

- Do you want a treat from me?

- I want a trick first.

- What about the babysitter?

- Okay, okay, shh.

I'm gonna keep this thing on.

I promise you that, okay?

Absolutely you can tuck me in.

They ate all of my candy.

I can't believe I let you

talk me into this.

It's 3 p.m., and we're

dressed like a**holes.

I can talk you into anything

I want dressed like this.

Gross! I'm right here.

You mad that your sister

took your costume, bud?

How can you even breathe

in that thing?

It's 100 f***ing degrees

outside.

- You get used to it.

- Leave him alone, Todd.

- He likes his dorky outfit.

- Oh, my God, Billy!

I am an idiot.

I totally forgot to ask.

- Did your mother dress up?

- What?

Is your mother in a slutty

costume like your sister?

- Hey!

- What?

You remember your mom

brought you to school

in that Catwoman

outfit one year?

- We still talk about it.

- You're such a pig.

Can't we just go

trick-or-treating?

Is he special?

It's not even dark yet.

Plus, I think it's time you do

Halloween like the big kids.

Todd, don't. Do we have

to do this every year?

- Do what?

- Pranks.

Do the tricks

and get the treats.

With us, tonight.

Billy, you love candy, right?

- Yeah.

- And you also love Halloween

'cause you're dressed like

a retarded six-year-old

from Leave it to Beaver,

no offense.

But you know who doesn't

love Halloween?

Your next-door neighbor.

He has to watch you

spaz out every year.

And does he even

put up any decorations

or leave the lights on

or leave out a bowl of candy?

No way.

Why would we egg anyone?

Why do you think

kids tag his house every year?

I mean, it's been going on

for as long as I can remember.

- It's a Halloween tradition.

- It kind of is.

I actually started

when I was about your age too.

Plus, if you don't,

I will tell everyone

that you pissed your pants.

But I don't pee...

No one else will know that,

Captain Pisspants.

But I don't pee in my pants.

Really? Fine.

Go. Up there.

Oh, my God.

- Oh, shoot!

- Holy sh*t, run.

Oh, sh*t!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Nice costume.

I didn't...

I mean, I had no idea.

No idea that what?

That you terrible children

have been destroying

my home for years?

He said... They told me it was

a Halloween tradition to prank.

Quiet!

Young man...

tonight...

you are going to learn...

what a real Halloween prank is.

By the way, Billy,

is your mother dressing up

again this year?

Hmm?

Yeah!

Ladies, Happy Halloween.

Ooh.

Meow!

Boo! Boo!

Come on.

Ohh...

Happy Hallo... ween.

Candy rots your teeth.

Can't have that, can we?

- Ugh!

- Don't forget to floss!

What an a**hole.

Happy Halloween!

- What the hell?

- Hey!

- Billy, what the hell, man?

- Billy, you little sh*t!

What are you doing?

Is that gasoline?

Are you joking me?

What are you doing out here

by yourself?

It's not funny!

It is not funny!

Hey, give me the candy!

Hold that.

He's got a gun!

That's it!

Go, go, go, go, go, go!

Go, go, go!

Get the trick-or-treater!

Get 'em, kid!

It's tight! Tight in the shirt!

- It's a heart attack.

- Oh, my God.

Are you okay?

- Aren't you Adrianne Curry?

- Yes.

Ooh! Might I have

your autograph?

Big fan, big fan!

Okay.

Thank you.

Adrianne Curry!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes