Tales of Manhattan Page #4

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THINK OF THE TIME IT MIGH SAVE YOU, IF YOU LOOK.

WHY, THAT'S A TERRIBLE

THING TO SAY ABOUT HARRY.

LISTEN, YOU'D BE

LOOKING THIS VERY MINUTE

IF YOU WEREN' AFRAID I WAS RIGHT.

I DON'T THINK YOU ARE.

YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME?

UH-UH.

ALL RIGHT,

I'LL SHOW YOU.

STAMPS. UH,

WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

I DON'T SEE WHY HARRY

CAN'T KEEP STAMPS IN

HIS TAIL COAT IF HE WANTS TO.

THERE'S NO LAW AGAINS MAILING LETTERS AFTER 9:00.

A HATCHECK.

NOTHING INCRIMINATING

ABOUT THAT, EITHER.

LOTS OF MEN TAKE

THEIR HATS OFF INDOORS.

A HANDKERCHIEF.

STOP TELLING ME:

WHAT EVERYTHING IS.

I KNOW A HANDKERCHIEF

WHEN I SEE ONE.

HOLD IT UP.

NOT EVEN A TRACE

OF ANY LIPSTICK.

KEEP ON.

CIGARETTES,

MATCHES,

AND...

13 CENTS.

YOU CAN SEE I'M MARRYING

HIM FOR HIS MONEY.

KEEP GOING.

THERE'S NO PLACE

ELSE TO GO.

OH, YES, THERE IS. THE

MOST CRITICAL POCKET OF ALL.

THIS IS WHERE:

I FOUND THE COMB.

REALLY, ELLEN,

THIS IS GETTING...

LOOK, WHA DID I TELL YOU?

OH, IT'S JUST A BILL.

HAVE THEY STARTED

PUTTING PERFUME ON BILLS?

IF THEY HAVEN'T, IT'S

HIGH TIME THEY STARTED.

OH, NO, YOU DON'T.

IF YOU WON'T, I WILL.

"MY PASSIONATE LION."

YOU THINK I MADE IT UP?

I COULDN'T MAKE

THAT ONE UP.

HERE, LET ME SEE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

"MY PASSIONATE LION."

SOMEBODY OUGHT TO HAVE A TALK

WITH HER ABOUT HER SPELLING.

THEY'RE USING TWO Ss IN

PASSIONATE THESE DAYS.

NEVER MIND. GO ON.

"ALL DAY LONG I COULD

FEEL YOU STALKING ME AGAIN.

"I COULD ALMOST SEE

YOUR GLEAMING EYES

"AND FEEL YOUR

HOT BREATH ON MY NECK.

I COULD EVEN HEAR THE SOFT THUD OF YOUR PAWS

-"

THE LION'S GO ON RUBBER HEELS.

WHO'S IT FROM, DIANE?

WHO'S IT FROM?

IT'S SIGNED "SQUIRREL."

SO HELP ME,

IT'S SIGNED THAT WAY.

OH, YOU POOR DARLING.

"OH, MY LION,

MY LION,

EVERY MOMENT THAT YOU'RE

AWAY FROM ME IS ETERNITY."

DON'T STAND THERE.

GO OUT AND STOP THEM.

STOP THEM FROM WHAT?

FROM READING:

THAT LETTER.

WELL, HOW?

ANY WAY YOU CAN. INVEN SOMETHING. ANYTHING.

TELL THEM THE HOUSE

IS ON FIRE.

HELLO, GEORGE? DROP EVERYTHING

AND GET OVER HERE RIGHT AWAY.

EVERYTHING'S THE MATTER.

IF YOU EVER RAN INTERFERENCE

FOR ME, RUN IT NOW!

"OH, MY LION, I LOVE YOUR

STRENGTH AND YOUR GENTLENESS.

I LOVE THE WAY:

YOU ROAR WHEN... "

EXCUSE ME, MISS DIANE, I

THINK... SOMETHING'S BURNING.

I KNOW, EDGAR.

IT'S ME.

YEAH, BUT... WHAT?

WELL, GO TO THE CLEANERS

AND GET IT.

YOU'RE NO GOOD TO ME

WITHOUT A TAIL COAT.

I HAVE A TAIL COAT.

YES. IN THE KITCHEN.

HERE?

EDGAR, YOU'RE A DREAM BOY. GEORGE,

FORGET EVERYTHING BUT SPEED.

IT'S THE FOURTH DOWN.

WE'VE GOT TO PUNT.

"OH, MY PASSIONATE LION,

"MY ECSTASY IS

ALMOST UNBEARABLE.

"THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

THE MINK HAS JUST ARRIVED.

"IT IS HERE

ON THE BED BESIDE ME,

SLEEK AND WARM LIKE... "

BABY, WHERE ARE YOU?

GOOD MORNING,

DARLING.

NO, NO, NO, NO.

WELL, WHAT-

HELLO, ELLEN.

HOW ARE YOU?

I'M IN MISERY, AND

I THINK I'VE GOT COMPANY.

WHO COULD BE MISERABLE ON

A BEAUTIFUL DAY LIKE THIS?

HA HA HA HA.

WELL, ISN'T I A BEAUTIFUL DAY?

GREA FOR STALKING.

I THINK I'D

BETTER BE GOING.

OH, NO, DON'T GO.

YOU'RE DYING

TO BE ALONE.

OH, NO, WE'RE NOT-

I MEAN, UH,

WON'T YOU

STAY FOR LUNCH?

NO, THANK YOU, HARRY.

AFTER ALL, THIS IS YOUR

LAST LUNCH TOGETHER,

BEFORE YOU'RE MARRIED,

I MEAN.

GOODBYE, DARLING.

GOODBYE.

GOODBYE, HARRY,

YOU BEAST.

KING OF BEASTS.

HMM? HA HA HA HA.

YOU'LL HAVE TO

EXPLAIN THAT TO ME.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, LOST IN

THE DARKNESS OF THE JUNGLE?

JUNGLE?

JUNGLE BELLS,

JUNGLE BELLS:

JUNGLE ALL THE WAY

LA LA LA LA:

MAYBE THIS CAN MAKE THINGS

A LITTLE CLEARER FOR YOU,

MY PASSIONATE LION.

REMEMBER, THIS IS

HIS TAIL COAT.

MY TAIL COA IS HIS TAIL COAT.

CORRECT.

HIS TAIL COA IS MY TAIL COAT.

PERFECT.

AND HIS LETTER...

IS MY LETTER.

AND I DON' UNDERSTAND ANY OF IT.

WELL?

WELL-WELL-WELL-

WELL-WHERE DID-

YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL

WHERE IT CAME FROM-

YOUR TAIL COAT POCKET.

OH, DIANE,

I DON'T-I DON'T-

HARRY, STOP NOT FINISHING

SENTENCES. LET'S FACE IT.

FACE WHAT?

THE LION IN HIS DEN.

ANYBODY HOME?

GEORGE!

HELLO, GEORGE!

HOW IN THE WORLD

ARE YOU?

WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE

THIS TIME OF THE DAY?

YOU'LL HAVE

TO ANSWER THAT.

HELLO, DIANE.

HELLO, GEORGE.

OH, AM I INTERRUPTING

ANYTHING?

TO COIN A PHRASE,

YES.

WELL, THAT'S

A FAIR ANSWER.

AT LEAST YOU'RE ACKNOWLEDGING

THAT I'M IN THE ROOM.

THAT'S MORE THAN SHE

GENERALLY DOES, HARRY.

BUT YOU WAIT TILL I TAKE

THAT PERSONALITY COURSE.

WELL, GOODBYE, KIDS.

HEY, GEORGE,

DON'T GO.

I'LL BE BACK LATER.

DON'T BE AN IDIOT. DON' EVEN THINK OF GOING.

WHY DID YOU COME

IN THE FIRST PLACE

IF YOU'RE GOING

RIGHT AWAY?

OH, IT'LL KEEP.

WHY KEEP ANYTHING?

COME ON, GEORGE.

TELL US WHA IT'S ALL ABOUT.

WELL, IT'S JUST THAT AFTER THA FOOTBALL SCRIMMAGE LAST NIGHT,

I PUT ON THE WRONG

TAIL COAT.

YOU DID WHAT?

I WORE YOUR TAIL COA HOME BY MISTAKE

AND CAME TO GET MINE.

BEST MAN'S GOT TO HAVE HIS

OWN TAIL COAT, YOU KNOW.

THERE IT IS THERE.

NOW, YOU SEE?

GEORGE,

SAY THAT AGAIN.

I WORE HARRY'S TAIL

COAT HOME BY MISTAKE.

YOU MEAN-YOU MEAN,

UH, UH,

THIS:

IS YOUR TAIL COAT?

YEAH, LOOKS LIKE I TO ME. YEAH. IT IS.

CERTAINLY.

THAT'S RIGHT.

OHH.

MY CIGARETTES:

AND MATCHES.

GEORGE!

MY HANDKERCHIEF.

HATCHECK.

GEORGE...

ARE YOU SURE THIS IS

YOUR TAIL COAT?

I KNOW MY OWN:

TAIL COAT WHEN I SEE IT.

WELL, YOU DIDN' KNOW IT LAST NIGHT.

WELL, I WASN'T EXACTLY SHARP

AS A ROWBOAT LAST NIGHT.

BESIDES, HARRY AND I

ARE ABOUT THE SAME SIZE...

EXACTLY. WE'RE EXACTLY THE SAME SIZE.

WHY, YES, YOU

ARE, AREN'T YOU?

HA.

AND THE SAME BUILD,

TOO.

EXCEPT I THINK THAT...

GEORGE'S SHOULDERS ARE

JUST A TINY BIT BROADER.

HEH HEH.

HA HA.

HARRY, WHY DON'T YOU RUN

AND PUT YOUR PANTS ON?

THAT'S NO A BAD IDEA.

A SHAVE WOULDN' HURT, EITHER.

NO, IT CERTAINLY WOULDN'T.

A NICE, CLEAN SHAVE

LIKE GEORGE HAS.

WELL, GO ON, GO ON.

ALL RIGHT,

I WILL.

KEEP DIANE COMPANY FOR ME, GEORGE.

SURE.

ATTA BOY. THAT'S THE BEST FRIEND

A MAN EVER HAD,

DIANE.

WHAT ARE YOU:

DOING THAT FOR?

JUST THOUGH IT MIGH MAKE YOU FEEL A LITTLE MORE AT HOME.

IT SEEMS TO HAVE

THE OPPOSITE EFFECT.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING

AT ME LIKE THAT FOR?

HAVEN'T YOU EVER

SEEN ME BEFORE?

NO, I DON'T THINK

I HAVE.

AT LEAST NOT IN THIS

PARTICULAR LIGHT.

AAH! HA HA!

AHH.

WHAT ARE YOU LURKING

BEHIND THAT TABLE FOR?

WELL, THIS IS

THE FIRST TIME:

I'VE EVER BEEN ALONE

WITH A LION.

LION?

ME?

WELL, THAT'S WHA THE SQUIRREL CALLS YOU,

ISN'T IT?

SQUIRREL?

YEAH.

DON'T TELL ME YOU'VE

FORGOTTEN HER ALREADY!

OH!

SQUIRREL.

YES, OF COURSE.

LITTLE SQUIRREL.

GEORGE, I'M SURPRISED AT YOU.

I'M KIND OF SURPRISED

MYSELF.

YOU'RE CERTAINLY

DIFFEREN FROM WHAT I THOUGH YOU WERE LIKE.

I DIDN'T THINK YOU THOUGH I WAS LIKE ANYTHING.

YES, I DID.

I THOUGH YOU WERE DIM.

YES, THAT'S THE WORD.

DIM.

I THOUGHT YOU:

STAYED HOME NIGHTS

AND SOLVED:

CHESS PROBLEMS,

YOU KNOW, 'MATE IN THREE

AND THAT SORT OF THING.

BUT NOW...

NOW YOU DON'T THINK

I'M DIM?

I DON'T THINK

YOU'RE DIM.

AND THERE ISN' ANY CHESS.

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