Tales of Manhattan Page #3

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COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU,

BEING UNABLE TO TELL

WHETHER YOU MEANT ANYTHING

OR WERE ONLY ACTING.

I THOUGHT THAT WOULD SHOW

HIM A SAMPLE OF REAL ACTING.

PAUL, HE DIDN'T TRY TO

SHOOT YOU. IT WAS ACCIDENTAL.

THE ONLY THING ACCIDENTAL

ABOUT IT IS THAT HE MISSED ME.

THAT WAS PURE ACCIDENT,

NOT HIS,

THE COLONEL'S.

I'M AFRAID, SIR,

YOU'LL HAVE TO DEMOTE HIM,

MAKE HIM A CAPTAIN AGAIN.

HA HA HA.

OH, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE WORRIED

ABOUT YOUR WIFE, MR. HALLOWAY.

OH, SHE MAY BECOME INTOXICATED

WITH THE WINE OF ROMANCE,

BUT YOU, YOU WILL ALWAYS

BE THE MORNING AFTER.

YOU SHOULD HAVE:

ASKED ME ABOUT HER.

THEN YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN

SAVED THE EMBARRASSMEN OF TRYING TO MURDER ME.

PAUL, IT'S NOT TRUE.

I SAW IT.

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

YOU MUST BELIEVE IT.

YES...

YES, MR. HALLOWAY,

SHE MEANT IT,

THE THINGS YOU DOUBTED.

SHE MEAN EVERY WORD OF THEM.

SHE LOVES YOUR STRONG, MANLY WAYS

AND YOUR STALWART BANK ACCOUNT.

SHE LOVES YOU:

VERY DEVOTEDLY:

WITH HER WHOLE,

SIMPLE HEART,

GOD BLESS HER.

GOODBYE, ETHEL.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO

DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS?

NOT A THING.

ORMAN, I DON' KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

WHEN YOU DO, SAY IT TO HER

IN A CANADIAN MOONLIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT,

MR. HALLOWAY.

GOOD NIGHT, CAPTAIN.

GOOD NIGHT.

ALL OVER?

YES.

WHERE TO NOW?

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WHY, YOU'RE BLEEDING. YOU'VE

BEEN SHOT. WHAT'S HAPPENED?

ARE YOU HURT BAD,

MR. ORMAN?

WHO DID IT?

WHY, YOU'RE SOAKED!

CAN YOU TALK,

MR. ORMAN?

YES, YES.

STOP YELLING.

WHY, THEY SHOT YOU.

YEAH. SPOILED

MY NEW SUIT.

FINEST SUI I EVER HAD.

IT'S MY FAULT.

I PUT IT ON:

THE WRONG DUMMY.

I'LL GET A DOCTOR.

NO, ST. LUKE'S

HOSPITAL.

STEP ON IT.

REMEMBER,

AN ACCIDENT.

NO PUBLICITY.

I DON'T WANT YOU

TO SPOIL MY SCENE.

HA HA.

I WAS SUPERB.

AND THAT GUY SAID THIS SUI WOULD BRING YOU GOOD LUCK.

AHH...

PERHAPS IT HAS.

YES! YES!

WAIT A MINUTE AND

I'LL GET YOU AN ASPIRIN.

GOOD MORNING,

EDGAR.

OH, IT'S YOU,

LUTHER. HELLO.

IS IT, UH...

IT'S ALL RIGHT TO COME IN.

MR. WILSON'S STILL ASLEEP.

LOOK OUT FOR:

BROKEN GLASS.

WHAT HAPPENED:

AROUND HERE?

MR. WILSON GETS

MARRIED TONIGHT.

OH, OF COURSE

IT'S TONIGHT.

WAS THE BACHELOR

DINNER HERE?

IT JUST AS WELL:

HAVE BEEN.

MR. WILSON BROUGHT BACK

SOME FRIENDS AFTERWARDS

FOR A NIGHTCAP.

HA. THEY SEEMED TO HAVE

HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE

GETTING ONE TO FIT.

WHAT'S HAPPENED

TO THE LIVING ROOM?

THE GENTLEMEN WERE

USING IT AS A STADIUM.

THEY THOUGHT IT BES TO PLAY SEVERAL QUARTERS

OF A YALE-HARVARD GAME.

HA HA HA HA.

THESE WERE:

THE GOAL POSTS.

DID ONE OF THEM:

FALL ON YOU?

OH, THIS?

THAT OCCURRED:

WHEN THE GENTLEMEN

DECIDED TO PUT ME IN

THE LAST FEW:

MINUTES OF PLAY.

A SCRIMMAGE?

NO, THEY

GAVE ME THE BALL

AND I MADE THE MISTAKE

OF RUNNING THE WRONG WAY.

THAT'S DANGEROUS.

I KNOW THAT NOW.

MR. WILSON

PERSONALLY TACKLED ME.

HE WAS AN ALL-AMERICAN.

A TRIPLE THREAT.

WHERE ARE YOU:

TAKING THAT?

HERE, TO YOU

- THE VERY THING TO WEAR TO THE WEDDING.

MR. WILSON HAS

HIS OWN TAIL COAT.

YOU MIGH LIKE TO WEAR I AS A MARK OF RESPEC FOR YOUR EMPLOYER.

ANY RESPEC I HAVE FOR MR. WILSON

CAN BE EXPRESSED

BY WEARING SHORTS.

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

I NEED $10.

I THOUGHT I COULD

LEAVE THIS AS HOSTAGE

UNTIL I GE PAID SATURDAY.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S

HAVE A LOOK AT IT.

THIS IS:

MR. ORMAN'S COAT.

YES, BUT HE DOESN' NEED IT IN THE HOSPITAL.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?

SOMETHING OF:

A PERSONAL NATURE.

ISN'T I A BEAUTIFUL COAT?

MMM, YES.

DO THEY MAKE ALL THESE

COATS WITH HOLES IN THEM?

HOLES?

MUST BE A MOTH.

PRETTY BIG MOTH.

MR. ORMAN ALWAYS HAS

THE BEST OF EVERYTHING.

YES, INCLUDING

.32 CALIBER MOTHS.

NOW, SEE HERE, EDGAR,

EITHER YOU LOAN ME THE

$10 AND KEEP THE COAT,

OR YOU DON'T. THERE'S

NO NEED TO QUIBBLE.

I'M NOT. I HAVEN'T TIME TO

QUIBBLE OR NOT TO QUIBBLE.

ANOTHER INTERRUPTION.

EDGAR, FOR THE SAKE OF

OUR LONG FRIENDSHIP...

EDGAR, I SAY FOR THE SAKE OF

OUR LONGSTANDING FRIENDSHIP-

ALL RIGHT. BUT OUR

LONGSTANDING FRIENDSHIP ENDS

IF YOU'RE NOT HERE ON

SATURDAY WITH THOSE 10 BUCKS.

THANK YOU, EDGAR.

THANK YOU. GOODBYE.

GOODBYE-

OH, I SAID HELLO.

OH, GOOD MORNING,

MISS DIANE.

UH, WELL, YES,

MR. WILSON IS HERE-

DON'T GO ANY FARTHER.

I KNOW THAT TONE.

IT MEANS MR. WILSON

IS STILL ASLEEP.

YES, UH...

STOP MUMBLING. JUST REACH OVER

AND VERY FIRMLY PRESS THE BUZZER.

WELL, WHO CARES

ABOUT HIS HEAD?

OH.

HELLO?

OH, HELLO, BABY.

HOW ARE YOU?

AND WHO ARE YOU?

ONLY THE GIRL:

YOU'RE GOING TO MARRY.

NOW, GET UP, DARLING.

YOU HAVE A LUNCHEON DATE

WITH ME, REMEMBER?

I TAKE IT BY THA GARGLING SOUND YOU DO.

WHAT TIME IS IT?

IT'S 11:
25,

THE DAY IS TUESDAY,

THE MONTH IS SEPTEMBER,

THE LARK'S ON THE WING,

AND I'VE GOT A DATE

TO BE MARRIED TONIGHT.

YES, DARLING. WELL, I'LL

SEE YOU IN A LITTLE WHILE.

GOODBYE.

ASLEEP AT THIS:

TIME OF THE DAY.

MARK MY WORDS-

A GROOM THAT SLEEPS

MEANS A BRIDE:

THAT WEEPS.

THAT'S A HAPPY THOUGH FOR MY WEDDING DAY.

HELLO, ELLEN.

HELLO.

AH, DIANE,

MARRIAGE STINKS.

THAT'S ANOTHER

HAPPY THOUGHT.

WHAT'S THE MATTER,

ELLEN?

OH, EVERYTHING. MY

HANDKERCHIEF IS SOAKING WET.

GET ONE OF MINE. A TOWEL

WOULD BE MORE PRACTICAL.

HA HA HA HA.

THIS IS NOTHING:

TO JOKE ABOUT.

I'M MISERABLE.

I'M GOING

TO DIVORCE JIM.

HE KNOWS I'VE ALWAYS HATED

WOMEN WITH RED HAIR.

OH, THERE'S A WOMAN

WITH RED HAIR.

THAT'S A RELIEF FROM

THE USUAL MENTAL CRUELTY.

HOW DO YOU KNOW:

SHE HAS RED HAIR?

I FOUND A COMB:

STAINED WITH HENNA

IN THE POCKE OF HIS TAIL COAT.

SHE DOESN'T EVEN

HAVE REAL RED HAIR.

AND WHAT WERE YOU DOING

IN HIS TAIL COAT POCKET?

WHAT WAS I DOING?

NOTHING. I-

DID YOU FALL IN?

I HAPPENED TO BE

LOOKING FOR SOME STAMPS.

THE POST OFFICE:

IS TOO FAR AWAY?

DO THEY USUALLY CARRY STAMPS

IN THEIR TAIL COAT POCKETS?

YOU'D BE SURPRISED WHA THEY KEEP THERE. ONCE JIM-

THAT SOUNDS LIKE A LONG

STORY. I'VE GOT TO GET DRESSED.

COME TO HARRY'S WITH ME.

I'M TOO GLOOMY

TO GO ANYWHERE.

THIS IS MY WEDDING DAY.

YOU'LL BE

THE "SOMETHING BLUE"

THAT BRINGS GOOD LUCK

TO THE BRIDE.

I'LL TELL MR. WILSON YOU'RE HERE.

DON'T WAKE HIM

ALL THE WAY UP.

I JUST WANT HIM TO LOOK

AT ME FOR A SECOND.

HE'LL HAVE DOUBLE

VISION AFTER HAVING THIS.

WHAT'S THAT?

UM, A HEALTH DRINK.

JUDAS!

WHAT'S IN IT BESIDES

EMBALMING FLUID?

TABASCO SAUCE,

SPIRITS OF AMMONIA,

RED PEPPER, BRANDY, AND,

UH, A JIGGER OF MILK.

I SUPPOSE IT'S THE MILK

THAT PACKS THE WALLOP?

I'M SURE IT IS,

MISS DIANE.

OH, ELLEN, CHEER UP.

HOW CAN I BE CHEERFUL

WHEN I KNOW:

WHAT I KNOW ABOUT JIM?

WELL, IN A WAY,

IT DOES:

SERVE YOU RIGHT.

YOU SHOULDN'T BE

LOOKING IN HIS POCKETS.

YOU NEVER LOOK:

IN HARRY'S POCKETS?

THE SUBJEC HASN'T COME UP YET.

WHEN IT DOES,

I ASSURE YOU-

WELL.

WELL, WHAT?

THE SUBJECT'S

COME UP, DEAR.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING

TO DO ABOUT IT?

I'M NOT GOING TO

DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

BECAUSE YOU TRUST HARRY

IMPLICITLY, I SUPPOSE?

EXACTLY.

MM-HMM.

I WISH I'D HAD THIS CHANCE

BEFORE I'D MARRIED JIM.

THINK OF THE TIME

IT WOULD HAVE SAVED ME.

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