Tales of Manhattan Page #6

---

PHOOEY!

TOO LATE:

TO APOLOGIZE.

COME ON, CHARLIE.

LET'S GO.

COME ON NOW,

WILL YOU?

COME ON.

Wait.

WHAT IS IT?

EXCUSE ME, MAESTRO,

BUT SMITH IS HERE.

WHAT SMITH?

CHARLES SMITH THE COMPOSER,

THE MAN I TOLD YOU ABOUT.

WHEN?

FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS.

YOU PROMISED:

TO SEE HIM TOMORROW.

THIS ISN'T TOMORROW.

BUT THAT WAS YESTERDAY.

THAT'S WHEN YOU

TOLD ME TOMORROW,

AND THAT IS TODAY.

SORRY. NO TIME.

BUT, UH, MAESTRO,

THE MAN IS A GENIUS...

A MASTER.

OH, NO, MAESTRO.

I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF

STRAVINSKY AS THE MOST, UH...

NO.

WORTHY OF YOUR:

DISTINCT CONSIDERATION.

GOOD EVENING.

GOOD EVENING.

WHAT?

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

PLAY.

YEAH.

MARVELOUS!

CUBBY,

DID YOU DO IT?

I DID IT! I DID IT!

OH!

WHAT DID HE SAY,

DARLING?

HE KISSED ME ON EACH CHEEK.

OH! DIRTY PIG.

WHEN IS HE:

GOING TO PLAY IT?

I'M GOING TO

CONDUCT IT MYSELF.

WE REHEARSE TWO WEEKS,

STARTING TOMORROW.

THE SCHERZO FLOORED HIM.

I HARDLY WONDER.

HE CAME RIGHT OVER TO ME

WITH HIS EYES SHINING.

"SMITH," HE SAID,

"YOU'RE A GENIUS."

HE'S GOING TO PRESENT ME

TO THE PUBLIC HIMSELF.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...

I HAVE THE GREAT HONOR

TO PRESENT MR. SMITH

AT THE CARNEGIE HALL.

OH.

GOOD HEAVENS, 8:
00!

WE'VE GOT TO RUSH.

MAMA, IT'S CHARLIE'S

BIG NIGHT.

OH, MY BABY.

CHARLIE, YOU CAN'T CONDUC THE SYMPHONY IN THAT.

TAILS AND WHITE TIE.

BUT HE HASN' GOT A TAIL COAT.

YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGH OF THAT BEFORE!

I SHOULD HAVE?

I'VE GONE CRAZY

THINKING OF EVERYTHING-

OH! WHY, CUBBY, DARLING,

I CAN:

GET YOU A TAIL COAT.

I KNOW JUST WHERE.

NOW, YOU TWO RUN ALONG.

I'LL BRING EVERYTHING

TO THE DRESSING ROOM.

ALL RIGHT, DARLING.

OH, HURRY, PLEASE,

IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.

ALL RIGHT, MADAM, NOW

WHAT SIZE IS YOUR HUSBAND?

HERE. HERE IT IS.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

YOUR HUSBAND'S

A MUSICIAN, ISN'T HE?

YES.

OH.

LET'S SEE NOW.

THERE YOU ARE.

THAT'LL FIT LIKE A GLOVE.

UGH!

IT'S TOO SMALL.

OH, DEAR.

AND THERE'S A HOLE

IN IT. LOOK.

NO ONE WILL SEE IT.

YOUR CUE, MR. SMITH!

IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT,

DARLING.

IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

WE'RE DINING OU TONIGHT, BUBBLES.

HERE.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...

MR. CHARLES SMITH.

SHH!

WHAT?

Your sleeve

is torn in the back.

CONTINUE.

PLEASE.

HA HA HA!

I BET YOU KNOW SOMEBODY

WHO'S DOWN ON THEIR LUCK.

INDEED I DO.

GIVE THEM THAT,

WILL YOU?

OH, THANK YOU, SIR.

OH, IT'S A TAIL COAT.

NO, NO, NO.

THAT'S A RABBIT'S FOOT.

GOOD NIGHT!

BLESS YOU!

COME ON.

COME ON. COME ON.

DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A

RABBIT'S FOOT TO YOU?

HMM? RABBIT'S FOOT?

LOOKS MORE LIKE THE REAR END

OF A MILLION DOLLARS.

HA HA HA!

THERE ARE THE KEYS.

OH, SHUT UP.

PLEASE.

HELLO, FOLKS!

IF THOSE ARE BILLS,

KEEP GOING.

I'VE GOT TO

DELIVER THEM,

BUT YOU DON' HAVE TO OPEN THEM.

ANY MAIL:

FOR ME, DAD?

NO VALENTINES.

WILL YOU SHUT UP?

MOLLY, WHA DO YOU MAKE OF THIS?

GOODBYE.

HUH? OH, GOODBYE.

COME AGAIN.

"AVERY L. BROWNE."

AVERY L.?

YOU DON'T SUPPOSE

THAT COULD BE LARRY?

"BLACKSTONE HOTEL,

CHICAGO."

MIGHT BE AT THAT.

HE SHOW UP:

LAST NIGHT?

NO. PROBABLY UP

TO HIS OLD TRICKS.

FANCY WAY TO SPELL

"BROWNE," WITH AN "E."

YES.

I THINK I'D

BETTER GO AND SEE.

DON'T FORGE TO LOCK UP.

OH, NO.

HELLO.

HELLO, HELLO.

GO AWAY.

LARRY.

IS THIS YOURS?

NO.

WELL, IF YOUR STOMACH

GETS TO GNAWING,

DROP AROUND.

HERE.

GIVE IT TO ME.

WHAT ARE YOU STANDING

THERE FOR?

GO ON. READ IT.

THAT'S WHAT YOU BROUGH IT HERE FOR, ISN'T IT?

"CLASS OF 1917,

UNIVERSITY...

"25th ANNIVERSARY DINNER

AT THE WALDORF-ASTORIA,

8:
00, OCTOBER 5th. "

WELL, THAT'S TODAY.

"URGE YOU IN

THE NAME OF THE LOVE

"WE ALL BEAR

FOR OUR ALMA MATER

"TO BE WITH US,

H.B. HANK BRONSON."

HANK.

"FORMAL DRESS."

WHISKEY.

THERE YOU ARE.

OH. I FIGURE THIS WILL

PUT ME ON MY FEET AGAIN.

SURE. SURE.

GO RIGHT AHEAD.

GOT A CIGARETTE?

NO.

HERE. HAVE ONE OF MINE.

GO AHEAD.

OH.

THANK YOU.

YOU'VE BEEN AROUND HERE

ABOUT FIVE YEARS NOW, LARRY.

SIX.

AND EVERY DAY:

FOR SIX YEARS,

YOU'VE BEEN TALKING

ABOUT GOING UPTOWN,

GETTING ON YOUR FEE AGAIN, AWAY FROM ALL THIS,

BUT YOU ALWAYS SEEM

TO NEED ONE MORE DRINK

TO GET YOUR NERVE UP.

MAYBE IF YOU:

DIDN'T GET IT UP,

SOMEDAY YOU:

MIGHT REALLY GO.

YEAH, WELL, I...

I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

OH, SURE, YOU DO.

AND I DON'T WANT ANYBODY

PREACHING AT ME.

DID I EVER SAY:

NOT TO TAKE IT?

IF YOU NEED ANOTHER,

HAVE ONE. I'LL BUY.

HERE.

LARRY, THEY TELL ME THEY GOT A

MIGHTY GOOD COOK AT THE WALDORF.

WHY DON'T YOU GO?

OUGHT TO BE:

A NICE PARTY.

HERE'S YOUR CHANCE

TO GET UPTOWN AGAIN,

AND I DON'T MEAN NORTH

OF 14th STREET.

I MEAN:

NORTH OF YOURSELF.

OH, LARRY, YOU'VE

SEEN ENOUGH OF GUTTERS

AND FLOPHOUSES:

AND HANGOUTS.

MAYBE IF YOU GOT YOUR FEE UNDER A TABLE AGAIN FOR A SPELL,

ORDERED A THICK STEAK,

SLEPT IN A CLEAN BED,

TALKED:

YOUR OWN LANGUAGE,

YOU MIGHT BE RIGH IN THERE PUNCHING AGAIN.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

WHAT IS IT,

A COSTUME PARTY?

YOU WANT ME TO GO

AS J.P. MORGAN?

I WANT YOU TO GO

AS AVERY L. BROWNE,

AVERY L. BROWNE

WITH AN "E."

HEH.

IF YOU'RE WORRIED

ABOUT YOUR LOOKS,

THAT'S IN MOLLY'S

DEPARTMENT.

WE JUST GOT A DRESS

COAT IN THIS MORNING,

PROBABLY SEN RIGHT FROM HEAVEN.

PETE, WILL

YOU SHUT UP?

REALLY OUGHT TO HAVE

PATENT LEATHERS, BUT-

I THINK THOSE BRITCHES

ARE LONG ENOUGH.

I DON'T BELIEVE

ANYBODY WILL NOTICE.

YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN

HIM A REGULAR SHIRT.

THEY COST $1.75.

I DON'T CARE.

SUPPOSE THAT RIDICULOUS

WHATCHAMACALLIT, UH...

DICKEY, MOTHER.

SUPPOSE IT POPS OUT?

IT WON'T IF HE KEEPS

HIS VEST BUTTONED.

THEY CALL THEM WAISTCOATS

UP WHERE LARRY'S GOING.

THERE YOU GO, LARRY.

PUT THAT ON.

A NICE PIECE:

OF GOODS, MOTHER.

IT MUST HAVE COS A PRETTY PENNY.

FEEL THAT SILK.

MMM!

YOUR WAISTCOAT,

MR. BROWNE.

THERE. THAT OUGHT TO

HOLD A MAN OF YOUR SIZE,

IF YOU DON' EAT TOO MUCH.

WHY, YOU'D THINK

IT WAS MADE FOR YOU,

ALMOST.

ALL RIGHT, LARRY.

LET ME SEE IT.

OH, THAT'S FINE.

GIVE HIM:

THE HAT, MARY.

PUT IT ON.

ALL RIGHT.

PERFECT!

OH, UH...

HERE, LARRY.

HERE'S WHAT WAS LEF IN THE BOX.

IT'S ENOUGH FOR

A COUPLE OF DRINKS,

OR IT'LL TAKE YOU UPTOWN.

GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT,

MR. BROWNE.

WAIT.

THANK YOU, MY DEAR.

GOOD NIGHT.

COME JOIN AND CHEER

THE ALMA MATER:

OUR GUIDING STAR

TO LIVE THE DAYS

OF HOPES AND JOYS AND

SING THE SONGS ONCE MORE

FRIENDSHIP:

OF COLLEGE DAYS:

SHALL NEVER, NEVER PASS

COME JOIN AND CHEER

THE ALMA MATER:

SING THE SONGS:

ONCE MORE:

HEY, WHO'S THAT?

WELL, IF I ISN'T LARRY BROWNE!

YOU OLD SON OF A-

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?

WELL, I THOUGH YOU'D NEVER GET HERE.

IT'S ABOUT TIME.

HEY, FELLAS,

LOOK WHO'S HERE...

LARRY Y BROWNE:

IN PERSON.

HELLO, BROWNE!

WELL, YOU

JUST MADE IT.

WHAT KEPT YOU,

LARRY?

WE'RE JUS GETTING STARTED.

HELLO THERE.

HOW ARE YOU?

HI, EBB.

HA HA!

SOUPY HALES.

HA HA!

LARRY BROWNE.

YOU OLD ROOSTER, I COULD KISS YOU.

HA HA HA!

SAY, YOU'VE LOS A LITTLE WEIGHT.

I DIDN' REALIZE IT MYSELF

UNTIL I GOT INTO

THIS COAT TONIGHT.

HAVEN'T THEY BEEN FEEDING YOU RIGHT?

OH, NO. JUST HARD WORK,

MY BOY, JUST HARD WORK.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote