Tales of Manhattan Page #9

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EYE-TALIANS.

WHAT WON'T THEY

GET INTO NEXT?

TWO PAIR OF PANTS

WITH EVERY SUIT.

TWO PAIR.

TWO PAIR OF PANTS

WITH-THAT'S A HOT ONE.

HOW DO YOU DO, UH-

I'D LIKE TO SEE

SOMETHING IN A-

HOW DO YOU DO?

IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN-

WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?

HAD EVERY RIGH IN THE WORLD,

TILL HE PULLED A KNIFE

ON HIM THAT LONG.

CHARLIE! CUSTOMER!

WAIT A MINUTE!

WAIT A MINUTE!

TAKE YOUR TIME!

WAIT A MINUTE!

I WANT A COAT WITH TAILS!

TAILS! QUICKLY!

UNHAND ME!

COME THIS WAY.

WE'LL GIVE YOU-

ARMENIAN RUG PEDDLERS!

YOU BROUGHT YOUR BOY.

HOW ARE YOU, SONNY?

HAVE THE FINESSE

OF A HERD OF BRAHMA BULLS!

NOW THAT'S FINE.

LET GO OF ME!

IT FITS:

LIKE A GLOVE.

I DON'T WANT IT TO FI LIKE A GLOVE.

I WANT IT TO FIT LIKE

A SUIT OF CLOTHES-

IS THAT ME?

SEEMS TO BE QUITE

AN ILLUSION HERE.

BUT GET ME OU OF THIS STRAITJACKET!

HE DOESN'T LIKE IT.

WHY, IT'S JUS LIKE NEW ON HIM.

A LITTLE GAMY,

ISN'T IT?

A LITTLE HIGH.

MY WIFE'S IN THE KITCHEN

COOKING PASTRAMI.

OH, MY ERROR.

BUT GET ME OU OF THIS WINTER QUARTERS

FOR BEES AND INSECTS!

HALF A TICK-

WAIT A MOMENT.

THIS COAT BELONGED

TO A MILLIONAIRE.

YES, SIR!

MUST HAVE BEEN A JOCKEY OR

ONE OF PICCOLO'S MIDGETS.

HOW'S IT LOOK,

SHIGOGOOMI?

THE TRUTH, PROFESSOR,

IT AIN'T VERY GLAMOROUS.

MAYBE THE SUI TOO BULGY.

TAKE YOUR FILTHY

HANDS OFF ME.

THE BULGE GIVES ME

CHARACTER.

IT DENOTES A BIG HEART.

GENTLEMEN,

AFTER MUCH MEDITATION,

I'VE DECIDED

TO CONSUMMATE A DEAL.

SHALL WE ARRIVE:

AT A SUM?

VERY WELL.

THIS COAT...

YOU CAN HAVE I FOR $15.

FIF-

THERE'S NO ONE

IN BACK OF YOU.

THERE MUST BE. YOU'RE NOT TALKING TO ME.

I'LL GIVE YOU

3 SMACKERS FOR IT.

YOU BETTER TAKE IT OFF.

WAIT A MINUTE!

UNHAND ME,

YOU BODY SNATCHERS.

I'LL-

GIVE YOU THE $15.

HERE.

THANK YOU.

I'LL WRAP I UP FOR YOU.

I'LL WEAR IT MYSELF.

I'LL BREAK IT IN.

THANK YOU FOR NOTHING.

COME, MY ANEMIC

BLOOD BANK.

HERE. HOLD THESE.

I'VE BEEN HOODWINKED.

I'VE BEEN ROOKED.

FLEECED BY A COUPLE

OF ESKIMOS.

OH, BEG PARDON,

MR. LANGAHANKY.

EH, MADAME LEFT WORD

THAT YOU SHOULD REMAIN

AT HOME THIS EVENING.

SHE WAS QUITE FIRM.

OH, ANOTHER MEETING.

WHAT IS IT TONIGHT?

I THINK, SIR,

IT'S THE UPTOWN ASSOCIATION

FOR THE DOWNFALL OF ALCOHOL.

PROFESSOR POSSFLETHISTLE

WILL BE THE LECTURER.

OH, LECTURES,

MEETINGS.

EVERY WEEK SHE BRINGS

HOME A NEW CRACKPOT.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH

OF THIS.

TO BE TRUTHFUL, SIR,

I'M QUITE FED UP MYSELF.

HMM?

OH! COCOANUT MILK.

RICHARDS, I BELIEVE

I HAVE AN IDEA.

THIS EVENING'S LECTURE

IS GOING TO BE THE LAS IN A LONG

AND PAINFUL SERIES.

WITH THE HELP OF GRANDFATHER, OF COURSE.

BUT, SURELY, SIR,

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO-

DON'T YOU WORRY A THING.

BUT IF MADAME SHOULD DISCOVER

THIS SECRET OASIS, SIR-

SHE NEVER WILL.

COME OVER HERE.

OH, SIR-

TAKE THAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.

YES. VERY GOOD, SIR.

THIS WILL BE THE STRONGES MILK THEY EVER DRANK.

YES, SIR.

WILL YOU PLEASE BE SEATED?

YOU'LL BE CHARMED WITH

PROFESSOR POSSFLETHISTLE-

GANGWAY, JAMES,

MY BONNY BOY.

MY DEAR:

MADAME LANGAHANKY.

IT'S SO NICE

TO SEE YOU.

OH, IT'S SO GOOD

OF YOU TO HAVE ME.

PUT IT IN THERE.

THANK YOU.

AND GREETINGS TO YOU,

MY BROTHER AND SISTER

PROTAGONISTS:

IN THIS GREAT BATTLE

AGAINST OLD NICK'S BREW.

THANK YOU.

A windfall-a large

and prosperous audience.

BEFORE I PROCEED WITH

MY SUBJECT THIS EVENING,

I WOULD LIKE TO ANNOUNCE

THAT THE DELICIOUS BEVERAGE,

WHICH MY ASSISTAN IS PASSING AMONG YOU,

IS ONE OF MOTHER NATURE'S

MOST PRECIOUS GIFTS.

THE MILK OF THE HIGH-HUNG

COCOANUT OF KEDULLA-KEDULLA.

DRINK FREELY.

AH! HA HA.

Polite papaya.

EH, NOTE THE PLEASING

RESULTS:

OF THIS HARMLESS,

YET EXOTIC, LIQUID.

AHH!

NOTE THE TINGLE:

AS IT TIPTOES:

THROUGH THE BODY,

TRIPPING O'ER THE TONGUE...

THROUGH THE ESOPHAGUS.

HOW DIFFERENT THE EFFECT.

COMPARE:

THIS NOURISHING ELIXIR

WITH THAT INEXORABLE ENEMY

OF MANKIND... ALCOHOL.

DO NOT FORGET THE NAME.

ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES.

THIS IS THE ESOPHAGUS

OF WHICH I SPOKE...

THE FIRST PART OF THE ANATOMY

TO FEEL THE SHOCK

OF THE CONCOCTION

OF LUCIFER...

BEELZEBUB.

AND HERE-

AND HERE:

WE FIND THE LIVER...

very good with bacon.

THIS MAJESTIC ORGAN

FALLS EASY PREY...

FALLS EASY PREY...

TO THESE MISGUIDED MOMENTS

OF LIQUID SATURNALIA.

OH! IT'S AWFUL

STUFFY IN HERE.

OPEN THE WINDOW, WILBUR.

Better open the other alley.

WHERE WAS I?

OH, YES.

HERE IS THE BURMA ROAD.

I REMEMBER THE TRIP WELL-

STORM BLEW UP,

AND OUR LITTLE PARTY STOPPED

AT A WAYSIDE INN.

FOR TEA, SNAKE'S LIVER-

SNAKE'S LIVER-HEH.

UH, SNAKE'S LIVER

AND DAINTY COOKIES.

A LITTLE GIRL NAMED MING TOY

WAITED UPON US.

SHE WAS A VISION

OF LOVELINESS.

SHE HAD MORE CURVES

THAN THE ROAD ITSELF.

I CONTINUED MY JOURNEY

IN A CRUDE CART.

OOH!

That's done it.

THIS BRINGS OUR JOURNEY

TO A VERY HAPPY CONCLUSION.

WAS!

MY ASSISTANT WILL

NOW PASS THE BUCK-

UH, THE HAT-PLATE,

UH, AMONG YOU.

I AM ALLERGIC:

TO THE SOUND OF SILVER.

I THANK YOU!

AND REMEMBER, FOLKS,

WE SHALL NOT RES UNTIL COCOANUT MILK IS

SOLD ON EVERY CORNER.

AND ALSO IN THE MIDDLE

OF THE BLOCK.

GOOD EVENING.

OUCH!

SAY...

AH, MY CAR.

I'LL JUST HAVE

ONE FINGER.

NO, NO, NOT HORIZONTAL,

VERTICAL.

LET 'ER GO.

THEY WON'T EVEN TAKE

THE TIME TO LOOK AT ME.

QUIET.

I'LL HANDLE THE JOB.

YOU STICK IN THE CAR.

I'LL SLIP IN

WHEN THEY OPEN THE DOOR.

YOU GOT TO WEAR:

MONKEY TAILS TO GET IN.

IT'S STRICTLY

A PARK AVENUE LAYOUT.

COME ON. HURRY UP.

TAKE IT EASY.

WE GOT TILL 10:
00.

WE GOT A HOT CAR.

THE GUY WILL FIND

IT'S BEEN SNATCHED

AND START SQUAWKING.

SHUT UP.

OH, I'M A FRIEND

OF MR. REED PATTON'S.

GOOD EVENING, SIR.

EVENING.

GOOD PLAY TONIGHT?

YES, SIR.

PLACE YOUR BETS,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

STICK 'EM UP!

AAH!

NOT A BAD TAKE,

ABOUT 50 Gs.

WHAT ABOUT THE PLANE?

IT'S WAITING.

SLIP THE PILOT 2 GRAND

AND NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

YOU'LL BE IN MEXICO CITY

TOMORROW.

MEET ME THERE:

NEXT WEEK.

DITCH THE CAR, NOT TOO

CLOSE TO THE AIRPORT.

WHERE'D THAT COME FROM?

HEAVEN.

HA HA HA!

SHUT YOUR MOUTH.

CAN'T YOU SEE

THE LIGHTNING:

PUT THE MARK OF THE LORD ON THIS THING?

I AIN'T ASKING WHERE

IT COME FROM OR WHY,

BUT IT COME:

AT THE RIGHT TIME-

THE DAY:

BEFORE CHRISTMAS.

HALLELUJAH.

PRAISE THE LORD!

I BEEN PRAYING:

FOR THAT BRINDLE COW

EVER SINCE:

I BEEN MARRIED.

GLORY!

PRAISE THE LORD!

THE LORD'S DONE

BEEN HERE AND GONE.

I'M GONNA BUY ME

A TRACTOR,

ONE OF THEM RED ONES,

WITH A BRAND-NEW ENGINE

A- HUMMIN' AND A-SHININ'

IN THE SUN.

I'M GONNA BUY ME

TWO TRACTORS.

THREE TRACTORS.

A BIG PIECE:

OF BOTTOM LAND, SEEDS,

AND A GREAT BIG HOUSE.

YOU GOT TO PRAY:

FOR THINGS LIKE THAT.

YOU AIN'T NEVER PRAYED

FOR NOTHIN' IN YOUR LIFE.

I WISHED FOR PLENTY, 'CEP MAYBE I DIDN'T BEND MY KNEES.

WISHIN' AIN'T PRAYIN'.

IT AIN'T OURN TO KEEP.

IT'S SINFUL TO HAVE

SO MUCH MONEY.

REVEREND LAZARUS

- HE'S THE MAN OF GOD ON THIS PLACE.

HE'LL KNOW WHAT'S

ON THE LORD'S MIND.

LET'S TAKE

ALL THAT MONEY TO HIM.

HE'LL TELL US

WHAT TO DO.

IF YOU PRAYEYED:

FOR A TRACTOR,

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