Tales of the Riverbank Page #2

to my watery death.

Hello!

Oh, dear.

Can't this chair go any faster?

We'd go much faster if we went

the other way, with the river.

We didn't come from

the other way, though, did we?

No, but the world

is round, isn't it?

So if we kept going far enough,

we'd end up where we started.

It stands to reason.

Hammy, how do you dress

yourself in the morning?

- I don't dress.

- Course you don't.

It's a bit scary here, g.P.

Nonsense.

Hammy:
Perhaps... perhaps

it might be better

if we did go back for a while.

No time for the faint-hearted.

I thought you wanted

to get home.

I do, but...

Ooh, we're going to hit a Mountain.

Stop the engine.

- It won't stop.

- Brace for impact.

Assume crash position.

Where are we?

If I'm not very much mistaken,

we're in a tunnel.

Nothing to worry about.

Just a tunnel.

Oh, I don't remember coming through

a tunnel when I was on that log.

We must've taken

the wrong fork.

Nonsense. I have

a perfect sense of direction.

Is that terrible noise normal

for a tunnel, do you think?

Oh, yes. All the best

tunnels make groaning noises.

A bit of whistling now and

then, but mainly groaning.

What about rumbling?

Uh... that's less common.

- Bits falling off the roof?

- Unusual.

Roderick, it would be very good if you

would get the engine going again.

I'm trying.

That's done the trick.

Or maybe not.

Oh, dear.

Hate to hurry you,

but there's just a small chance

that we're about

to be buried under

a million tons of Mountain!

Hurry up, hurry up!

Well done, that rat.

Rodent know-how

is all it needed.

Well done, that rat.

No going back now.

So we press on,

my rodent chums.

They've done very well

to get this far,

but then, they don't know

what's waiting

around the next bend.

You know how it is.

You just get used to being

the last surviving animals

on the whole riverbank,

when suddenly,

a mouse wearing jewelry

and a load of ferrets

in a helicopter turn up.

Isn't it always the way?

Helicopter.

Yes, we all know

what it is, roderick.

Do we? Oh, right.

The question is,

what is it doing?

Pull over to the right.

Pull over to the right.

I'm pretty sure they want us

to pull over to the right.

You think?

Easy, boys.

They don't look like trouble.

Miss... ooh!

You just reeled us in

some tourists.

Tourists?

Excuse me, madam. We happen

to live on this river,

and we don't take too kindly

- to being attacked by your gang of thugs.

- They're not my thugs.

Keep away.

I don't want to have

to use force.

My paws are registered with

the police as lethal weapons.

- Ha!

- Ow.

I have to warn you,

I have a black collar in karate.

Back off, fellas. It's okay.

Consider yourselves lucky.

Sorry about the ferrets.

They're a little

overprotective of the talent.

We're the talent. Well, she's the talent.

I'm a comedian.

I'm Sonia.

Mistress of the microphone,

empress of the ears,

and the mouse with the most.

Now we've been hired

by the w.M.D.

To give a show at

their headquarters upriver.

And what or who

are this w.M.D.?

Why, it's the waffle, marmalade and

doughnut corporation, of course.

Where you been puttin' your

sweet tooth all these years?

I just had to get a break

from that noisy helicopter.

Did you hear about the blonde

hamster who crashed her helicopter?

When they asked her

what went wrong, she said,

she got to 1,000 feet,

she felt cold,

and turned off the big fan.

He's funny.

- I don't get it.

- No offense.

That's a funny joke.

Hey, hot rod.

- Me?

- Yeah, you, good-lookin'.

Good-looking?

You wanna show me how much chug you

got in that chug-chug boat of yours?

Sorry. I don't quite follow.

You folks around here

never do any water skiin'?

No. No.

Is that all the chug

you've got?

- We got a bit more.

- Oh.

Press the... et cetera.

Ooh! Now that's more like it.

You're my kind of rat, hot rod.

I can't. Oh!

Bye-bye, boys.

Write if you get work!

Bye!

That Sonia's

a bit special, isn't she?

She seemed very... nice.

I think they behaved

appallingly.

And as for those ferrets...

never trust a ferret.

They'll have your leg off

as soon as look at you.

The waffle, marmalade

and doughnut corporation

are welcome to

the lot of them. Ha!

Ha!

Merrily, merrily,

merrily, merrily

life is but a dream

row, row, row your boat

gently down the stream

merrily, merrily,

merrily, merrily

life is but a dream

row, row, row your boat

gently down the stream

merrily, merrily,

merrily, merrily

life is but

a dre-eee-eee-am!

this is better.

Yes, I feel as though I'm

getting the old sea legs back.

Sea legs, roderick? But we're...

please don't say we're on

the river and not the sea.

No, right. I wasn't.

Oh! Oh, my goodness. It's

making me feel quite giddy.

I thought you had

the power, Betty,

to see things coming

before they came.

I was right about needing

an umbrella, miss much.

Yes, but foolishly, I assumed

it was to hold above our heads.

This unlikely pair comprises

miss much, the rabbit,

and Betty, another hamster.

The one with the ears that could

pick up satellite television

is miss much.

She's a schoolteacher.

And Betty, well,

Betty says she has a gift,

and can see into the future.

Yes. Makes you wonder

why she hasn't noticed

she's going to

crash into that boat.

Oh, no! I see a boat

coming towards us.

Well done. Very clairvoyant.

Thank for

the early warning, Betty.

Get out of the way.

We're coming through.

- Clear the channel, please.

- You clear the channel.

Downstream vessels

give way to upstream vessels.

Oh, yes?

Got that out of

a Christmas cracker, did you?

- Watch out!

- We're going to...

Lean to one side, Betty.

They're obviously stupid.

Pull over, roderick.

They're obviously stupid.

Miss much:
Oh, men!

I told you

to get out of the way.

Excuse me, madam. There was...

- it's miss, actually.

- Excuse me, miss.

It was you who hit us,

not the other way round.

Nonsense. You're a menace.

- We're stuck, g.P.

- Oh, joy!

Would you mind going away, please?

We wish to leave.

- I'm trying!

- Really?

Oh, I'm getting a vision.

Not now, Betty dear.

I'm arguing.

Here it comes.

I see things

sorting themselves out

by themselves.

Just leave everything alone.

Some chance with this overgrown

pajama case getting in the way.

- What did you say?

- You heard me.

Oh, dear.

I mean... I mean,

listen to them.

Now you know why owls

only come out at night.

It's not until after those noisy

little furries have gone to bed

that we feathery types get

any peace and quiet at all.

- Very elegant.

- I shall choose to ignore that remark.

Look. The boat's

got free by itself.

Isn't that great?

Just like Betty said.

Shame no one's

in it, though, hammy.

That is a pity, yeah.

- Now look what you've done.

- I've done?!

Roderick, you and hammy run

back down the bank and get it.

- Roderick:
Gotcha.

- How do you see all these things, Betty?

Betty fancies herself as

something of a fortune teller

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes