Tammy Page #9

Now's a good a time as any.

- Hey, Greg-

Come on in.

Really?

- Yeah.

Well, see you kind of

made yourself at home, huh?

Bold.

Uh...

Just wanted to, you know,

let you guys know that I'm okay.

You know? With me.

Not so much what you guys did that's...

I mean, you know,

that's really between you...

...and that guy upstairs.

But I think he frowns on adultery.

I'd say that, so I think you burn, actually.

So I'm just gonna get my stuff.

I, uh- I folded your clothes.

- So glad you're home.

- Thanks for letting me stay here.

Oh, yeah.

You look good.

Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Prison agree with me? Heh.

- Heh. Yeah. Ha-ha-ha.

Think it kind of did.

I got your room all set up so...

- Yeah?

Yeah.

Oh, God.

I'm not bunking with Grandma, am I?

- No. Heh. She's at Brookview.

What?

Did you lock her up? That is bullshit!

- Give me your car keys, Dad.

- Tammy, wait!

- I'm gonna remember that when you get old.

Tammy.

Hey!

- Hey, super-old guy, where's Pearl Baizen?

- What?

Oh, God.

Come on, man.

Grandma.

Tammy!

I didn't know you were coming.

Come here, give me a hug.

Look at you. It's worse than I thought.

Why do you have to go so fast?

All right, everybody. I'll be back.

I got the car. Let's go.

- Goddamn it. Ooh.

- I'll get the door.

You could've killed me.

What are you thinking?

Just stop. Do you hear me?

Oh, my God. You can still walk.

Of course I can walk.

I was teaching an exercise class.

Why were you sitting in a wheelchair?

Because most of them are in wheelchairs.

Well, why didn't you tell me

you were in here?

I didn't wanna make you jealous.

I mean, you were in jail,

and I'm at this cool place.

And my AA meetings are here.

I made friends,

and I'm seeing this 84-year-old from Philly.

He was a hockey player,

so he seems younger but...

We've been going kind of slow,

and this might be the weekend.

Ugh.

You look good.

Thanks. You look great.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

I was afraid to eat the meat in jail, so...

- That's a good call.

- Yeah.

God. I am so sorry.

So sorry about everything.

I'm sorry.

I was a total jerk to you,

and I should've taken better care of you.

No, it wasn't your job to take care of me.

Little bit, it was.

No, I love you so much. I really do.

Well, I'm pretty great.

You are really great.

I love you too.

We're gonna spend tonight at Lenore's

and get up early...

- ...and drive straight to Niagara Falls.

- Call me when you get to Lenore's.

- All right, I will, Morn.

- Don't forget.

- Mom, I've got it, okay?

Okay, great.

- Stay hydrated.

- All right.

Ah. Okay.

- Well, thanks for fixing up my car, Dad.

- Oh, not a problem.

- Just don't rob anybody in it.

- I'm not gonna rob anybody in it.

Let's light this candle.

RAUGHS]

Let's go, woman.

I got it.

- You're strong.

Ooh.

Dukes of Hazzard-style.

Lenore stocked up the RV,

so we're all good to go.

Oh, God. It's Jerry Miller.

Ladies. Who wants a bone cone?

- Go, go. Just go.

- Okay.

Ugh.

So, what do you think, Grandma?

It's a good day to go to Niagara Falls?

I'm ready.

My daddy always said that Niagara Falls

is the closest thing to heaven on earth.

Oh!

Sorry.

What are you doing here?

So how'd you know

to come here to Niagara, anyway?

A little birdie told me.

- Is the bird named Pearl? Ha, ha.

- Yes.

So, what's going on with you, Tammy?

What's next?

Thinking about getting my own place

in Louisville.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Interesting.

Yeah, it is. Isn't it?

Get myself a sweet little place...

...and, you know, maybe you can come over

and watch a movie.

Do you guys feel how the falls

are charging the ions?

- t's incredible, right?

Yes.

- Romantic.

- Yeah, it is.

Oh. Well, my daddy was right.

It's beautiful here.

Yeah, it's pretty cool.

You think I should try to rent a barrel

and try to shoot the falls?

I think we should just look at them, maybe.

- Yeah.

Really?

I don't know. I got a good feeling.

I feel like I've been thinking about a course...

...and if I just shoot out

into the middle soft spot there...

...it'll probably just pillow-carry me right

over that Canadian lagoon over there.

I think if anyone could do it,

it would be you.

Oh! Oh.

I thought I saw the Cheetos. It's not them.

You guys wanna get Cheetos?

- Hey, man. How you doing?

Hey. Good.

- What can I get for you?

- I'm gonna have the iced tea...

...and then the full rack of the pork ribs.

The full rack, that's a lot of sodium.

You wanna think about going half?

Oh. Uh, no, I'm gonna get the full rack.

I'm gonna say no.

I'm gonna say let's, together,

make a better choice.

How about salmon? Give you a little cup

of BBQ sauce on the side to spice it up.

- Better choice, still got zip.

- I'm just gonna do the ribs.

How's your cholesterol?

- t's a concern. It's up there, but-

- Oh, Jesus.

- I'm gonna take away the barbecue sauce.

Oh, man.

All right? Poom.

You're gonna thank me later.

- I'm gonna fill that up for you.

- Can I-?

I can't believe you're leaving me for that dick.

That dick is gonna have his own franchise in

three goddamn years. What are you gonna do?

Come on, shake a tit.

- Happy hour's over in 20 minutes.

Aah!

- That's how it's done.

This is BS.

This is a huge mistake.

You have got to stop

yawning so much, Charlotte.

Are you Keith?

- I'm Keith.

- Aah!

- Poom!

Help me, Charlotte.

You were right. This hot tub is awesome.

Right? Yeah.

- So how you liking Louisville?

- I love it. I love where I live, where I work.

I love the man I lay with.

- t's A-okay with me.

- Great.

Hey, Larry, this sangria is awesome.

Thank you.

The secret's in the maraschino cherries.

Oh. I see you got a couple

of maraschino cherries yourself.

- Oh! Ha, ha.

- Oh!

Pew.

Pew, pew, pew.

Pew, pew, pew. Pew. Pew.

Hey, don't let a deer hit you on the way out.

You dick. You know what?

You are no longer an employee

of Topperjack's.

My secrets! My secret!

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