Tammy Page #8

Life isn't fair. You're gonna have to scrape

and claw for everything you want...

...just like the rest of us.

You know, for years you've been bellyaching

and complaining about how your life sucks...

...but you haven't done one single thing

to make it better.

It isn't magic, you know.

You can't just b*tch and moan

and expect sh*t to change.

You think this house

just fell on my head one day?

I had to work hard.

You know, gay hasn't always

been in fashion, my friend.

Susanne and l...

If you had any idea how hard

we had to work...

We didn't have anything handed to us.

You need to grow up, honey.

You don't know anything about me.

You're not that mysterious.

Dogs are mysterious.

Ooh. Cats.

Birds.

Fish. Fish are the most mysterious.

And I've made a mint, thank you, Jesus.

But we're not mysterious.

Look, you know...

...she shouldn't have said all those ugly things.

I agree with you.

But she's drunk.

She won't remember it tomorrow.

Yeah, she's always drunk.

She's an alcoholic, Tammy.

She's sick.

You need to focus

on getting your sh*t together.

Why don't you figure out what it is

that you really want and just go after it?

Maybe you can help her out.

I'm gonna go blow up some fireworks.

Suzanne

Takes you down to that place by the river

Suzanne

Hey.

- Oh!

- Oh, God.

- Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.

- Why you coming at me, like, out of the dark?

- I was- I'm sorry, I was just checking on you.

It looked like you were

having a hard time out there.

Oh.

She kind of told me I was an a**hole

and to get my sh*t together.

Jesus, that's a little harsh.

I'm not so sure that she wasn't right.

Can't exactly keep complaining about my life

and not doing anything about it.

Yeah, but you had a hard night

with your grandma and everything.

- Yeah, that was great.

- Yeah.

Heh. I don't know. I'm the one that let her

walk off to the bar with Earl. I don't know.

I shouldn't have brought Earl here. I knew it.

But I wanted to see you.

Heh. Yeah, because I'm such a great catch.

No, it's not that you're a catch.

I mean, I'm not saying you're not a catch.

Just, you know, my life's boring,

and you're a very not-boring person.

And, you know, l... it's...

Wow. You're kind of super bad

at compliments.

Like, it's kind of amazing, really.

I'm doing my best,

but I think you know what I meant.

I know what you meant.

I don't know. I don't really think that now...

...is kind of a great moment for either one of-

You know.

You've got your dad you're chasing after.

And I don't even have a car...

...or, you know, a job.

You know, I don't think...

...that putting two messes together

is gonna somehow...

...make an unmess, you know?

I guess I just think you're wrong.

Probably.

I usually am.

Well...

...I should probably get out of here...

...because my dad is now starting...

...to flash his breasts to the lesbians.

Huh. Oh, God. Yeah.

- That's probably your cue.

- So... Yeah.

- I guess we're goodbye-ing again.

- Yeah.

- Just wanted to mix things up a little.

All right.

I still think you're wrong, I gotta say.

I can't hear you. Lenore's blowing sh*t up.

- Morning.

- Morning.

Morning.

Quite a party, huh?

'Twas, indeed.

Oh. I'll get in on that.

Thanks for the ass-kicking last night.

No problemo.

- Where's Grandma?

Outside.

Maybe I'll bring her a cup.

Can we call a truce,

or do we have to actually fistfight?

Grandma, I brought you some coffee.

Hey-

Hello?

Grandma, I brought you some coffee.

Grandma?

Grandma?

Grandma? Grandma.

Grandma. Grandma.

Come on. Sh*t. Come on, wake up.

Grandma, wake up!

Wake up! God.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Sh*t.

Hey!

- She's not breathing. She's dead.

What?

- Oh, my God, what?

She's dead.

Oh, Robin, call 911.

She's dead. She's not breathing at all.

- You can't be serious.

What's happened?

She's not breathing,

and I just let her drink all night.

No, no, honey. It's not your fault.

It is my fault.

Tammy, it's not your fault.

Oh, my God. What happened?

Pearl! Oh, my God!

Oh, God! Oh, my God, Pearl!

Pear!

What the f***?!

- What the f***?

- What happened?

Go get her.

- Oh, my God.

She's not dead.

on, my God.

What?

Sit. Okay, okay.

- I think she passed out.

What were you thinking?

- What?

You weren't breathing.

We all thought you were dead.

You are gonna clean your sh*t up.

You're gonna stop all this drinking.

Do you hear me? You look terrible.

Well, my feet- I don't feel so good.

Goddamn it, Pearly.

Nobody should die in a lawn chair.

All right.

All right, don't shake her, don't shake her.

Don't bounce her so much.

Remember, she's not taking all of her pills

she's supposed to be taking.

Okay. Thank you, ma'am.

Did I flash my b*obs last night?

Yeah. You did.

- Did I?

Yeah. You were throwing them

around last night.

Beep, boop. All the way.

Yeah, Earl has them all over Facebook.

They look good. I mean...

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, I was mean...

Oh, I was mean to you.

I called you Cheeseburger. Oh, my God.

- t's okay.

Pearly, we'll be right behind, okay?

It's okay. It's okay.

Oh, no.

We'll follow, okay?

Yeah.

Oh, sh*t.

Hey, officers.

Ambulance got here first,

but she's gonna be okay.

So don't worry about it. Thank you, though.

Ma'am, we got reports that someone was

burning a Jet Ski on the lake last night.

- You see anything?

- Oh.

Uh, it's super uncool.

I would never burn a watercraft.

- Oh, no.

- No.

No?

We've also been tracking

a 2004 Cadillac de Ville...

...towing a Jet Ski that was involved

in a robbery. Anything on that?

Uh...

You know, uh- Ooh, wow.

That's a Hawaiian bear shirt.

You don't see a lot of those around here.

You probably see quite a few.

You're gonna have to come with us. Let's go.

Oh. Come on, man.

- Let's go, ma'am.

Stand back, ladies. Right this way.

I'm going with...

- I bet you see a lot of bear shirts.

No, no, ma'am.

- Constant.

Ma'am. Get-

- Are you serious?

Ow. There was a bee.

- There's no bees here, ma'am.

- There was a bee.

You can't run from the law.

Tammy Banks.

On the gate.

See you later.

I hope not.

Hey, Dad.

Tammy. You rehabilitated?

- I guess.

- Then let's go home.

Wherever that is.

Yeah. I'm not too happy with Greg.

Yeah, me either.

Look, um...

...you want me to take care of that

wiggly little motherf***er for you?

- What?

- I'll go over there and kill him for you right now.

I'm old. I don't care if I go to jail.

They got magazines in there, don't they?

Oh.

I thought you were serious for a minute.

Heh...

You're kidding, right?

Jesus, Dad.

You know we're at a prison. Okay?

I do not want you to hurt Greg in any way.

God.

You know, Grandma told me

that she made a pass at you.

Heh. Oh, yeah, well, she used to

hit on everybody all the time.

You know the ice-cream guy, Jerry Miller?

He was the only one who went for it.

Oh, God.

Let's roll. Mom's waiting.

Oh, God.

You don't have to go in there right now.

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