Tango & Cash Page #3

prison board! That's why we're here!

They're as crooked as

everybody else in this deal.

I'll tell you one thing.

Whoever set us up is f***ing connected.

Do you think it's Quan?

Thanks.

No, wait! I got it!

It's Lopez!

Lopez! Follow me through here.

Lopez has a guy pretend

to try and kill me...

...and claim that Quan hired him.

He feeds me bogus information

about the setup.

Lopez figures, no matter what,

I'll think it was Quan.

All the time it's Lopez,

and now I know it.

What do you think?

That with your I.Q., you're unarmed

and still very dangerous.

If you're so smart, tell me

who set us up, Sherlock Holmes.

- I don't know yet.

- You don't know sh*t!

What are you doing?

Relax.

Soap.

Don't flatter yourself.

Peewee.

I don't know you that well.

Don't worry.

Someday the other one will drop.

You just keep talking, tripod!

Sure, Minnie Mouse!

By the way...

...I bet they stick us

in the general population.

They don't put cops

in general population.

CASH:
Never put cops in

general population, huh?

Cash, I'll light your f***ing bowels!

I'll stick brown sugar up your ass!

CASH:

Sh*t, I put half these guys away.

Tango, you're going to be my b*tch!

I'll kick your f***ing ass!

TANGO:

You know what I hate?

TANGO:
Litter.

CASH:
Goddamn it!

CASH:

I forgot the marshmallows.

CASH:
I don't think rehabilitation

is working here.

TANGO:

They're just misunderstood.

FACE:

Cops!

Bring them to me!

Bring them to me!

Cops! Cops!

Bring them here!

Come here!

I want to talk to you.

Hey, punk!

When I get out of here,

I'll tear you a new ass.

You know Captain Dynaball here?

I loved you in Conan the Barbarian.

If you need me, me and my ass

will be in the neighborhood.

FACE:

You f***ing pig! It's over for you!

You're going to be very popular here.

Funny, I don't see

your fan club, either.

PRISONER:

That crapper is mine!

And what am I supposed to use?

I don't give a sh*t!

Just don't use that.

Okay, bud. We're going to

get one thing straight right now.

That is yours!

Would you mind stopping that?

Thank you.

I appreciate it.

I'm not afraid of you.

See that?

I killed him.

Congratulations.

He was my best friend.

Crazy people fear no one.

TANGO:
Look at that.

Sugar is up. I cannot believe this!

(PRISONER SNORES)

(PRISONER FARTS)

PRISONER 1:

Let's dance, Tango!

PRISONER 2:

Come on, Cash!

PRISONER 3:

Get the bag on him!

Kill him!

Kill the f***er!

PRISONER 1:

You're dead meat, Tango!

TANGO:

They got you?

What's it look like?

CASH:

Let me guess.

The welcoming committee.

TANGO:

Either that or a surprise party.

CASH:

Don't make a move.

We'll talk our way out.

TANGO:

I doubt they're into small talk.

If we panic, we're history.

PERRET:

The infamous...

...Cash and Tango.

Dishonored, imprisoned.

A shameful fall from glory!

Who are you?

Just think of me as somebody who...

...doesn't like you much.

The surprise party is out.

Sh*t! That's the guy

I followed to the setup.

Don't panic.

REQUIN:
Tarty Tango!

You're a pretty boy, aren't you?

I'm panicking.

How would you like me

to change it for you?

- I wouldn't.

- How about you?

REQUIN:

Maybe you first.

Don't panic.

I'll cut your throat,

yank your tongue out the hole...

...and tie it in a Windsor knot.

- I don't wear ties.

- Brave boy!

You want to cut my throat?!

Go ahead!

You want to cut off my head?

You can bowl with it!

Just don't let him do it!

I don't want to get killed...

...by this limey jerk-off!

I want to get killed

by an American jerk-off!

You wanker!

PERRET:

Put it away for now.

Just for now.

Some of your other friends

want to say hello first.

TANGO:

What are you doing?

- Buying time.

- For what?

I don't know yet.

Sh*t, it's Conan.

CASH:
We'll get FUBAR now.

TANGO:
What's FUBAR?

CASH:

You'll see.

Real bad-ass cops!

You don't look so tough now.

Do you, you f***?!

He means you.

FACE:

This pig and his cop friends...

...broke my ribs, my leg and my jaw.

You broke that jaw?

He deserved it.

CASH:

Why did you do that?

Why? I was having a bad day!

CASH:

Like now?

TANGO:

Don't panic!

PERRET:

Rats in a maze...

...men...

...in a cage.

Place your bets!

Which bloke survives?

REQUIN:

Who's brave?

Who fries first?

PRISONER:

Cook, you bastard!

Tango, you got any family?

Yeah. You?

I go steady with an alimony check.

PERRET:

First, Mr. Cash.

TANGO:

No, don't do it.

Cash!

Cash!

F*** you.

Tango?

SOKOWSKl:

Get them down!

GUARD:

Off the scaffold!

Lock this place down!

CASH:

Sh*t!

TANGO:

You fight this one. I'm burned out.

SOKOWSKl:

You look like hell, Cash.

CASH:

Matt, is it really you?

SOKOWSKl:

It is.

CASH:
Am I glad to see you!

TANGO:
Cash!

My arm.

TANGO:
Who's he?

SOKOWSKl:
Assistant warden.

My C.O. When I was a rookie.

SOKOWSKl:

You guys are in deep sh*t.

Really?

SOKOWSKl:

Who set you up?

I think we just met him.

If this creep wants us dead so bad,

why doesn't he shoot us?

Why play this game?

TANGO:

He has a boring nightlife.

CASH:
How'd he get in?

SOKOWSKl:
Anything can happen here.

All you need is cash.

We have the best guards money can buy.

You got the bucks,

you get what you need.

Once you're back in

general population, they'll nail you.

You got only one choice: Escape.

Escape?

Yeah.

TANGO:

I'll get a spoon and start tunneling...

...and you can chew through the bars.

This is bullshit!

What's with him?

He's upset. He misses his wardrobe.

CASH:

What do we do?

Listen, I got a plan worked out.

We trust him?

We've known each other 15 years.

- We trusted our lawyers.

- And the judge.

And that got us nowhere.

Now trust me.

Now that is a risky proposition.

SOKOWSKl:

I got a present for you.

CASH:

You're unbelievable!

I do miss my wardrobe.

SOKOWSKl:

This is the ventilation system.

Enter it from

the utility shaft in the yard.

This main ventilation shaft

leads beyond the wall.

I can shut down one fan

and leave this door unlocked.

I'll get you the right work detail

and leave tools at the shaft.

This way looks faster.

SOKOWSKl:
No, it's longer.

CASH:
Let's stick to plan A.

SOKOWSKl:

Let's get you to the infirmary.

Why your plan A?

It's better than your plan B,

which you don't even have.

TANGO:

Not yet, but I will.

My partner in pain.

Sokowski got us trash detail. Let's go.

Whoopee! Race you to the dumpster.

It's set for now. Come on.

Negative.

- What?

- I'm not going.

Did you have a brain meltdown?

Look, I have an aversion

to getting FUBAR.

- What's FUBAR?

- "F***ed up beyond all recognition."

I don't trust Sokowski!

He's a cop, for chrissake!

What's this?

My fiance, Slinky.

TANGO:

Up, Slinky.

TANGO:

Let's see how business is.

You are one mistrustful,

maladjusted human f***ing being!

I love you too.

I'm not coming back for you.

You're making a big mistake.

You don't have to.

Hope you make it, Cash.

GUARD:

Let's go, you're late!

I hope you and Cousin It...

...are very happy together...

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