Tapas

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EDGARDO SAYS:

Who'd leave their dog...?

What a lovely boy.

Come here.

Come on.

Why are you doing that

when there are other things to do?

We need some omelets.

Do one with cod, one with garlic...

and two with potatoes,

one without onion.

Did you get the pickled tuna?

-All right, I'll do it.

-Lolo!

Sh*t, I can't cope.

I'm still hung over

from last night.

I feel awful.

I didn't sleep a wink.

We'll need things

for your birthday party.

Sh*t, let me recover before

we talk about that, will you?

Its only a few days away.

I'll look after the catering.

-You're getting too old for things.

-Screw you.

I got the tent. Its fantastic,

big enough for three.

-Did you get the sleeping bags?

-Not yet.

Where did you say

the campsite was?

A mile from Benicassim,

near the festival.

And full of Italian chicks.

Didn't you prefer Dutch girls?

They're sluts. Their folks give them

contraceptives when they reach 13.

But they come in June with the

German girls, who have bigger tits.

In July, English girls. They get

drunk and f*** anything that moves.

In August, the Italian

and French girls.

They're tighter but not bad.

Pizza and champagne, kid!

If you don't get laid in Spain in

summer its because you're stupid.

Opo.

You're out of your head.

-1OOg of ham. Anything else?

-No, dear. Here.

-Your pension goes a long way.

-I can't even feed the cats with it.

This is savings.

-Careful with this 2O cent piece.

-All this progress...

...and we go back to cents.

-I haven't seen Mariano lately.

-How is he?

-Fine. Just fine.

He doesn't like the heat

so he stays in.

-Right.

-Maybe it'll turn cooler soon.

He hates this heat. Bye.

-Bye.

-Bye.

My turn. 4OOg of chickpeas,

some olives...

and some cheap anchovies.

I've got no savings.

You heard Conchi. You can't live

on the pension they give you.

-And no kids to help her out.

-Maybe thats why she has savings.

Its just the two of them.

With my three I spend everything.

You're only happy

when you're complaining.

Its all right for Raquel.

She's on her own. Its two years

since Santi left you, right?

I mean... since you split up.

Thats it. Anything else?

No, nothing else.

Lolo, the coffee's boiling over.

You're losing it, mate!

Here's your tuna roll.

Don't you start too!

-Whats the matter?

-I'm on my own!

-What about Rosalia?

-She's gone shopping.

-Do I get that cuttlefish or what?

-Its coming, damnit!

Rosalia.

Rosalia, where are you?

Rosalla.

Sh*t, Rosalla,

there's a lot to do.

Well listen...

When you stop sulking...

get some anchovies

and bring them over.

Four weeks on a ship? Sh*t!

My folks preferred four weeks

on a ship to starving.

-Your health, sir.

-Cheers.

Its hot, isn't it?

I've got cancer.

And, to cap it all,

the doctor says stop smoking.

-Know what I said to him?

-No.

"Doctor, why wipe my ass

if I'm already in the toilet?"

Thats telling him!

I've got...

maybe two months.

And with this heat,

its going to be pretty bad.

Yeah, its too hot.

Its the ozone layer.

They've started giving me drugs.

So I won't realize.

They give you drugs?

Thats f***ing great!

Mariano, put the cigarette out.

-What are you doing here?

-Nothing. I...

Nothing, woman.

The boy's keeping me company.

Come here, Opo.

-You know I don't want you here.

-I like talking to Mariano.

I came for something special.

Its Cesar's birthday.

He's getting older. And with

supply and demand how it is...

I wouldn't want

to end up with nothing.

-What do you want?

-3O "Mitsubishis".

3O "Mitsubishis"?

My goodness. Thats a lot.

-There are a lot of us.

-I see.

How about some "Simpsons"?

The gang gets too wild on those.

The other day, Xavi took one and...

-When do you want them for?

-Saturday.

Saturday?

-I'll see what I can do.

-Okay.

By the way, Mariano

went over the top today.

He told me some story...

Did he?

What did he tell you?

He said he's got cancer

and that they give him drugs.

Anyway, I'm off.

Bye.

Mariano! Have you gone mad?

Look what you've done!

-Hello, Montse.

-Lolo. How're things?

-I need some anchovies.

-No problem.

Montse, a kilo

of anchovies for Lolo.

Hey, Eloy, I wanted

to ask you something.

Do you know of a cook who could help

me out at the bar for a few days?

Have you sent

your wife on holiday?

No. She's sick.

Don't you close in August?

You won't find a cook now

who'll work for just 3 or 4 days.

I was thinking of staying

open another 2 weeks.

I don't want to

close the whole month.

If your wife's sick, you should.

Yes, well,

I have to go and open.

-Chalk it up.

-lf I hear of one, I'll call you.

And look after

that wife of yours.

Okay, okay.

THINGS ARE STILL BAD

IN BUENOS AIRES.

I KNOW.

I'M TRYING TO GE DUAL NATIONALITY.

ARE YOU SURE ABOUT AUGUST?

IT'S TOO HOT.

AFRAID TO MEET ME FACE TO FACE?

IT'S LATE. I HAVE TO GO.

When an old elephant

senses that his time has come...

he chooses a younger elephant to

accompany him and leaves the herd...

on what will be

his last journey.

They will walk across

the savannah...

-You don't look too good.

-I couldn't sleep.

-Its the heat.

-Maybe someone wouldn't let her.

No, I really couldn't sleep.

Only joking. But being on your

own you can do what you want.

Sure. The advantages of separation,

you know.

Well?

Two tins of sardines

and some sausage.

-You're better off on your own.

-Its worth it in the end.

The trouble men give...

Its good to have a man

at hand when the tap's broken.

-True.

-What do you do then?

-I turn on another. What else?

-2OOg of mortadella.

My Cesar's the handyman at home.

His father's useless.

-He can fix anything.

-He could fix Raquel's video.

-Its broken, isn't it?

-Yes.

-I'll tell him to call in.

-No.

Don't bother, I hardly use it.

The odd dirty film

can brighten up your life.

Really!

-Yes, I'll tell him to call in.

-Whatever.

-Anything else?

-Some eggs.

Feel that.

Just like Bruce Lee.

From all the hand movement.

Look.

I'm getting one of these.

-You're getting a nunchaku?

- Yeah. So?

Self-defense, kid. And its a

martial art like judo or karate.

But discredited by louts with

broom handles and toilet chains.

Bruce Lee got killed

by a nunchaku, didn't he?

What are you saying!

That was a cover-up.

Bruce Lee was killed

by a Hollywood producer...

who wanted Chuck Norris

to be the new martial arts king.

They didn't want

a Chinese as the hero.

That's why David Carradine

was the Grasshopper.

-Who?

-David Carradine. Kill Bill.

Ah, Kill Bill.

But Kill Bill was Chinese.

Of course he wasn't Chinese.

His name was David Carradine.

Car-ra-dine.

Anyway, they took slant-eyed actors

because there was "chinaphobia".

Being killed was the best thing

for the Master.

Better than Norris's

shopping channel.

What do you mean?

Chuck Norris keeps really well.

-Does he?

-Yeah!

-He's got a fine physique.

-Now this is a fine physique.

-Chuck Norris? No way!

-You just watch yourself, Opo.

Watch yourself.

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