Teacher of the Year Page #10

---

That's just math.

But I don't teach math.

I just teach robotics.

That's not gonna be important

in the future whatsoever.

Whatever, just let the baby have his bottle.

You plagiarized this whole paper.

No, I didn't.

Yes, you did, you cut

and pasted the entire...

...thing from the Internet.

No.

See here, you...

...accidentally...

So, you've been teaching for 25 years.

25 years.

Wow.

Yeah.

Wow.

I don't know if that's in your frame. Is that...

...what it's called, frame?

I don't know if it's in

your frame but there's...

...some kids back there.

Ready and willing and able to learn.

So...

...Let's have a great day of

instruction, you guys, huh?

Is that a knife, young man?

What is that,

is that a pen? Okay.

Truman's test scores are

the highest in the area,

and I... I take a lot of pride in that.

But besides myself, um,

you know, the teachers...

...are also a big part

of the success here at Truman.

Okay, you know what, I will

give you each $5...

...if you'll just be quiet for five minutes.

That's a dollar a minute,

that's basically all.

I'm making today.

I will give you today's

salary if you will, please,

just listen to me.

Uh, it's two white women, so...

Oh, it is?

Yeah.

Oh, you didn't...

...tell me that.

Well, it's okay,

it doesn't...

Superfluous, really.

And so, let's just...

You know,

instead of introducing it,

let's just play the song.

Sure. Here we go.

So this is Closer to Fine,

and we are the Indigo Boys.

Indigo Dudes.

Dudes, I like that...

...one better.

Actually,

we should make a banner.

As you know, I started

the FIGHT program...

...on campus this year.

Friendship.

Intelligence.

Gratitude.

Humility.

And trust.

These posters were meant

to encourage the students.

Whoever vandalized these posters...

...didn't think about that for one second.

Some of you guys might be virgins.

It might be a little...

It's okay, guys, it's okay.

Sexuality.

That's where you...

...come into your own.

I'll tell you where you're not gonna find...

...your sexuality out.

North Dakota.

No.

That's a black hole of sexuality.

I mean, nobody finds anything up there.

I'm Asian, but I wear colored contacts...

...to make my eyes blue.

They say that's exactly what they're...

...looking for at USC.

We were teaching that girl a lesson. Okay?

You sometimes have to be

fake to make it in LA.

USC, it's full of phonies.

Period. We said it.

Right?

You want to fit in,

you be a phony.

And by the way, I would

say that to USC's face.

You're a phony, USC.

If they had a face.

If USC had a face...

I'll say it to.

George Lucas.

You're a phony.

Yeah, no. I know Mitch

won Teacher of the Year...

...and I'm okay with it now,

I've accepted it.

He's plays the rube in from the farm, right?

I'm the guy in the vest.

Oh. Scarecrow.

Not buying it.

You know what it is?

It's branding.

That's what he's done.

It's like a sex tape.

In the guise of a vest.

No. No.

I want you to know that you may...

...think this is funny,

but this is not some kind of joke, okay?

And if I ever find out where this...

...fight and drug club is meeting,

I will ruin you.

Soft sticks,

lightly on the slap.

Right in front of...

You guys have the...

...clickers and everything.

Hold up, man.

That's terrific.

We're gonna brighten this up here.

There we go.

It's brightening it up.

Brightening it up.

Interesting.

I didn't know that you could do that. Wow.

Do you call this efficient torque?

Yeah.

Okay, I have a joke for you then.

Uh, knock knock.

Knock knock?

Knock knock.

Knock knock?

Go back to the top.

I was gonna play it out,

'cause it's almost even funnier.

You all right?

- Sorry. Almond.

Nevada.

Nevada. Stay away...

...from Nevada.

You can go.

But you're gonna kill a hooker.

Pause, pause, pause.

Ooh.

Okay, we rolling?

Yeah, you learned a chord.

I'm gonna...

...just play this chord.

Yeah.

Over and over.

Trust me, that's how Poison got a career,

so don't sweat it.

My balls are itchy.

Slow down so I can hear the word 'balls.'

My balls are itchy.

My balls are itchy.

Think about it.

Look, you wanna act?

Mmm-hmm.

Act itchy balls.

Act like you...

...got itchy balls.

Make 'em itch.

My balls are itchy.

If I was telling you my balls itch.

I would tell you...

... This is how I would say

it, 'My balls are itchy.'

My balls are itchy.

All right, Arno,

here we go, buddy.

You got this.

- Rolling.

Scene 100, take 4, marker.

Boom.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes