Teacher of the Year Page #2

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so the girls start to menstruate...

...at a younger age.

It's awful.

How do you know that?

Morning, guys.

Hey, morning, Wendy.

Morning, Wendy.

That's a lot of wrong answers there, Eric.

Mmm-hmm.

Hey, check it out,

Wendy's not wearing...

...any underpants today.

Jesus, do your kids know anything?

That grading machine

sounds like gunfire.

I am aware of the results, Brian.

You guys are worried

about tests? She's going...

...commando. You kidding me?

Did you see these scores?

Dude, I know you're

married, but just look for...

...my sake, would you please?

The average is 14.

I can't even talk to you.

Do you have a penis?

Hey, Wendy. I brought

that vanilla creamer...

...that we both enjoy.

Bam.

Belly button showing.

Bam.

Cell phone and belly

button showing, that's two.

Enjoy your Saturday, with me.

Uh, hey there, Marv Collins,

assistant principal and dean...

...of students at Truman High.

Actually,

Mr. Collins, you can...

...just look at me.

So uh, you help Principal

Douche run the school.

Principal Douche does not need my help...

...running this school.

I think you can tell he's doing a pretty...

...good job all by himself.

You're not hiding the cell phones from me.

You know you're getting detention.

And you still have the cell phones out.

No, yeah, I'm just the garbage man,

you know.

Someone sees a future

ahead of them, but you...

...still have yours out.

Put the cell phones away.

Put the cell phones away.

As you probably saw,

we had a little kerfuffle...

...this morning...

... between a couple of our young men.

Uh, not their first go-round.

But let me tell you,

it better be their last.

Because one more infraction, and...

...they're out of here.

You get in a fight this

morning, you're back...

...in class this afternoon.

How's that work?

I don't know.

Wanna tell me what it was about?

Boy, I hope that's not

true, I mean if you're...

...gonna hit somebody,

you better have a reason.

I got a reason.

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure it's excellent.

Aren't we gonna be late?

Yeah, hurry up.

Late for what?

Uh, soccer practice.

This is the first year Truman's fielded...

...a varsity soccer team.

Although I'm not sure

you can call this soccer.

I'd like to see us win a game.

Or maybe just score

a goal. That'd be nice.

Most days I'd settle for

a practice field with grass.

Okay, shake it off, Derek.

Hey, you're California

Teacher of the Year. These...

...guys know who you are.

What? You're telling me that you didn't...

...recommend me?

Absolutely I did,

but they'd already seen

the article in The Times,

picture of your family.

They asked me about you.

The National Independent

School Association sent...

...you to come get me.

This is what I'm telling you, yeah.

To lobby for them.

What the hell do.

I know about lobbying?

Well, it's not like you'll be the...

...only one. It's a team.

A veteran teacher who's

had success in both public...

...and private classrooms.

To do what?

To go on TV, uh,

make speeches, appear...

...at schools, symposiums.

They want you to be the new face...

...of independent schools.

And 120,000 to start.

Are you... Are you serious?

To start.

Plus an expense account,

moving expenses,

unbelievable health benefits.

Uh, moving expenses.

Well, uh, we're in D.C.

about two weeks each month.

Some people decide to just move out...

...there, some don't.

Ah, D.C., I don't know if I can do that.

Like I said, some don't. I didn't.

And you don't have to decide right away.

So this is a job offer?

It's not a job interview?

Well, you're gonna

have to meet with the NISA...

...director, Ellen Behr,

but, honestly, the way she talks about you,

I think she just wants your autograph.

Are you interested in that job?

I don't know.

I mean, a lot of changes to consider.

Um, the travel, for one.

How much does Truman pay you?

If you don't mind me asking.

A little under 70.

Is that why you're smiling?

Not just that, it's just, you know, I'm...

...When you teach, you kind

of forget what it's like to...

...have a real job, and um,

I guess I thought maybe

I'd never have another one.

You don't consider teaching

to be a real job?

Well, you just spent

the day with me. Do you?

Oh, I'm so hungry.

I'm so hungry,

I want some belly.

I want some belly.

Mmm.

Oh, the belly so good. So good.

I couldn't possibly eat any more belly.

I'm so full.

Oh, wait. Yes, I can.

So, uh, what's this?

Uh, the National Independent School.

Association website.

Who they are,

what they do.

How's it look?

Oh, you know.

Um, tax exemptions,

uh, school vouchers, looking

out for the interests of rich...

...kids and their rich parents.

It's basically everything

I've ever fought against...

...for my whole career.

Nobody proofreads.

This guy says his paper

is about Mark Train.

Unbelievable.

They're not all like that.

Hmm.

Look, Daddy, I drew a princess and she's...

...saying, 'I love you.'

Aw, that's beautiful, angel.

You spell better than Daddy's students.

Stop it.

Mmm-hmm.

Listen to this.

'The boy said, 'I was

hungry, hungry, hungry.'

This shows he was hungry.'

Teacher of the Year, huh?

You know,

I'm real happy...

...that you guys are giving Mitch Carter...

...all this attention...

...and you're here to see him,

but it's Ron Douche...

...who's the motor behind this house.

He's the kid in the hamster

wheel, so to speak.

This guy's gonna be superintendent...

...of LA Unified.

I'm hitching my wagon to that star.

Best believe that.

I mean, he says put

this campus on lockdown,

it's locked down.

Miss Curtis, Nia cannot come to school...

...dressed like this.

Why not? She looks good.

Nia, you can't...

Look at your skirt.

Leave something to the imagination.

Why should I make them imagine it when.

I can just show it to them?

You know, but,

I've had enough...

...of this, all right?

She is beautiful.

I am beautiful.

I was a JV cheerleader

when I had her. All right?

That out of here.

Uh, uh... Uh, yes.

Okay, let's get started.

I have your Huck Finn papers for you,

and, uh, I see that a lot of you are still...

...making the same mistakes...

... because you refuse to proofread.

Uh, look, if it's a problem with spelling...

...or vocabulary,

I can help you with that,

but when the name of the...

...book is Huckleberry Finn...

...and you spell Huckleberry wrong...

... I can't do anything for

you there. Or you spell...

...your own name wrong?

Come on, Mr. Carter,

nobody did that.

Oh, no, yeah, somebody

did, Marcus, or should.

I call you 'Macrus.'

Ladies and gentlemen,

in the eyes of the law,

you are still children...

... but here, in this

classroom, you are adults.

So as much as I may

disagree with you,

I have to respect your decision not...

...to get smarter.

This is America, where

the Constitution protects...

...your right to stay dumb.

'Brendan had a bellyache

and had to get more sleep.

'Please execute him.'

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