Teaching Mrs. Tingle Page #5

Well, that was close.

Sh*t.

Eve?

Hello.

Eve?

Hello?

Oh, my God

Stop! Don't come any closer.

U h, you don't sound too good. How you doin'?

What is she doing? I don't know.

I'm not well. But it's me... Spanky.

What are you doing here... Spanky?

I miss my chili mama.

Hey, what's going on?

Please, Spanky, you have to go.

I need my rest.

Please, you're upsetting the dog.

I want my pom poms.

Okay, just... go downstairs, Spanky.

I'll be right down.

Yes

No. No. Pretty okay.

Okay.

No.

Scarf. This is fabulous.

Okay.

Perfume.

Wine. Okay.

Close your eyes. Okay.

Oh, okay.

Remember last time?

That, uh that thing you did with the thing?

Here. Relax.

Okay. Sit down, Spanky.

All right.

Oh, this is gonna be good.

I love your smell.

Now drink up, Spanky. Okay.

You're gonna need it.

Are you trying to get me drunk?

Because, I gotta tell ya,

I have a very high tolerance for alcohol.

And when you...

Blow in my ear.

And, of course,

when you spank me.

Most of all,

I love it when you touch me just like that.

Have another drink.

So, Eve, when are we gonna kick off?

Spanky, one more drink.

just, just a few more sups, Spanky.

Spanky

Let Let go.

Let go. Let go.

Justa few more minutes and I'll Spanky!

Man, that was weird.

This has gotten completely out of hand.

I kept asking myself, What was

Mrs. Tingle doing in the gym anyway?

How scandalous. Yeah. This is a small town.

Infidelity's a big deal. These pictures

are gonna be a big hit at the parish,

where I think Coach Wenchell's

wife sings in the choir.

She coach and I will deny it.

No one's gonna believe you.

But we'll have pictures.

Fraudulent pictures.

it doesn't matter, Mrs. Tingle. The great thing

about a scandal is it doesn't rely upon fact.

And just look at the current climate.

Facts are no longer relevant.

So you can scream the truth

all you want, Mrs. Tingle,

but the damage will be done.

I love it.

Mrs. Tingle, you are just full of surprises.

if you weren't such a b*tch, I'd really like you.

you're all gonna burn for this. I'll see to it.

Oh, threats, Mrs. Tingle, are a sign of weakness.

Get back there. Wait. Come here.

Shut him up, Jo.

Come on.

Okay, he's coming to.

Hurry. Where's the camera?

Over here.

Okay, just sit. There you go. Okay. Sit.

Don't do this, Leigh Ann.

you're gonna ruin this man's life.

Oh, the way you planned to ruin mine?

Stop it. Stop.

Quick, let's get this over with.

Let me see more of the coach's

face. Yeah, right there. Perfect.

Okay. Hold on.

Jo, you stay here with Tingle.

Why do I always have to stay with Tingle?

You stay with Tingle. I'll go with Luke.

would you cooperate, please?

Come on. is there something going on

here I don't know about?

What are you talking about?

We've got to go.

We'll be back as soon as we can.

Easy. All right.

We'll get him to the truck,

then I'll grab his bike.

Okay. That's it.

Hurry up. Wait. Hold on.

All right. Grab his legs. No, I'll get his legs.

You get his legs.

I got his arm.

I'm gonna go get his bike.

Come on. Let's get outta here.

Mrs. Tingle, you have been holding out on us.

You have got some nice stuff.

I mean, some good sh*t.

Come on. it wasn't that bad.

just a couple of pictures.

Nobody ever has to see 'em.

Oh, Romeo, Romeo!

Wherefore art thou, Romeo?

Yes. Hey, Mrs. Tingle, what's your dog's name?

What's your name?

it's not Romeo, is it? Oh, come here.

You could never play Juliet.

You haven't the commitment, the soul.

Well, there's the Tingle

we all know and love, hmm?

You've never had a broken heart.

Yeah, well, at least I have a heart.

So tell me, Mrs. Tingle,

what's the deal with you

and Coach Wenchell anyway?

I mean, is it just a physical thing,

or... do you love him?

Coach Wenchell and I...

have an understanding.

Oh. How romantic.

But, tell me, do you love him, or...

are you just spank buddies?

I'm fond of Coach Wenchell.

Have you ever loved anyone, Mrs. Tingle?

I mean, you are a Missus.

So whatever happened to mister?

You scorin' alimony or what?

He left.

When?

What happened? You have to tell me.

Scoop, please.

I, too, planned on leaving Grandsboro.

like you and your friends,

I thirsted for more than this town could offer.

Then I met Richard.

Absolutely strapping man.

Blue eyes, wide shoulders.

He was dangerous,

reckless, everything I thought I always wanted.

After a brief romance, we married.

He was my world.

Such a brilliant and desirable man.

But eventually his nature caught up with him,

and his eyes began to wander,

towards a friend of mine.

Oh, no.

A girl much prettier and more delicate than I.

Someone who I never dreamed

would be a threat to me.

She was my best friend.

That's why I was so devastated

to discover that...

she was sleeping with Richard...

right under my nose.

My best friend...

who I trusted with all my heart,

lying to me, betraying me,

stealing the only man I've ever loved...

while I played the poor,

pitiful, little sidekick.

you're lying.

Am I?

There's nothing going on between those two.

Luke's not even into Leigh Ann.

Luke's a man, Jo Lynn.

He'll always pursue that which

is unobtainable. it's in his nature.

No.

They've been seeing each other

secretly since tenth grade.

Even I know the story.

It all started at some birthday

party where Leigh Ann hid

in the bathroom all night.

You were there.

Leigh Ann is my friend.

Under this roof, Jo Lynn,

I'd say I'm the closest thing

you have to a friend.

it's not true.

you're not too quick, Jo Lynn.

You might just make it as an actress after all.

We can pick 'em up tomorrow after 3:00.

Hey, it's almost over.

We're this close to getting an

A for the rest of our lives.

it's all gonna be okay.

Jo?

Where is she? I think she's upstairs.

I'm gonna go check on her.

All right.

Where's Jo Lynn?

She went home.

Home?

Something about being sick and

tired of being your little lap dog.

What did you say to her?

Nothing...

much.

Tell me Hello?

Hi, Mrs. Jordan.

May I speak to Jo Lynn, please?

Hi, Leigh Ann. She told me

to tell you she wasn't home.

So whatever you two fought about,

I hope you can work it out tomorrow.

I'm sure we will. Thank you, Mrs. Jordan.

Good night. Bye, dear.

Your move.

Why are you like this?

Why are you so bitter and angry?

Why do you want to destroy me?

I don't want to destroy you.

I want to teach you.

Oh, that is bullshit.

You know, you hide behind your

degree, but the reality is...

is that you're jealous

of every student you teach.

You never got out of this town, did you?

You went to high school here.

Now you teach here,

and you're going to die here.

And you resent anyone who has a future,

anyone who's gonna get out and have a life.

No, I resent what you're going to do with that life.

Selfish, mindless pursuits

of your generation...

will only bring us closer

to destruction, and I despise it.

That is not good enough, Mrs. Tingle.

if you're disillusioned with the youth of today,

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