Teenage Caveman

If you move before my signal,

hit what you're aiming at.

I need my other spear.

I'll chase it to you.

Try and f***ing hit it.

Get it! Get it!

How's that for hitting what l aim at?

You little sh*t-ass.

Jesus!

Holy sh*t!

It was an accident. The sun got in my

eyes. Besides, he was an a**hole.

-What do we tell the tribe?

-It was an accident.

Let's leave the body.

We'll see what my father says.

-I feel a storm coming.

-Sh*t. Let's go. I hate outside.

Come on. Let's go.

The outside is beautiful.

My brother was like you.

They found his bones picked clean.

Did you catch something? ls it meat?

I haven't had meat in months.

David, l heard someone

was killed. I thought....

It was Nathaniel. He fell off a cliff.

I need to see my father.

So he's dead and we still don't have

any food to give to the tribe?

Send children to do a man's job.

-Where's the body?

-We hid it.

-You told them he fell off a cliff?

-Yes.

Okay, f*** it. The Lord works

in mysterious ways.

God blesses us with this meat.

As we enjoy it, let us remember

our brother Nathaniel...

...who died to bring it to us.

Bow your f***ing heads.

And let his death also remind us

that God rules this world, not us.

The storm he sent to destroy the

ancients still casts its shadow on us.

Striking without warning,

killing without mercy.

Do you know God speaks to me?

He does. He speaks to me.

He says as long as we know our place

and don't increase our numbers...

...to beyond that which the caves

can hold, we will survive! We will.

He tells me other things too. He tells

me about the sin in your hearts.

He tells me about your f***ing

desires to fornicate.

Though it'll bring more children

than he allows.

He tells me of young people wanting

to give in to their filthy...

...sexual curiosity.

Look outside! Look at what

that curiosity did to the ancients.

Remember the Lord's words.

Let me hear you.

-God is coming and he's pissed.

-Louder!

-God is coming and he's pissed.

-Again!

-God is coming and he's pissed!

-That's right! He's coming.

And don't ever forget it.

As you know, l've had to serve God

on my own since he took my wife.

But in his infinite wisdom...

...he has chosen a handmaiden

to assist me.

Now our leader has led us well,

wouldn't you agree? Right? He has.

God has chosen to recognize

and reward your service.

He's chosen your daughter, Sarah.

I will tutor Sarah

in the service of our Lord.

She'll be as a daughter to me.

Enjoy your meat.

And may the mercy of God

be with you all.

It's a good day.

I just found out a few minutes ago.

-Is this what you want?

-It's a great honour.

"See him grow worried

when he blows a clinker."

Give me that. You learned to read...

...to fill your head with this sh*t?

This is the old world!

God destroyed them for their sins.

Is that what you want?

You want to die like that?

We need books that will teach us

to survive. Useful books!

-Books on weather, biology--

-Useful?

Yes.

Like these?

You love to talk about sin.

Is this research?

Like when you f***ed Elizabeth?

Oh, no, God selected her.

The same way that he selected Sarah.

God is another name

for your dick.

-Shut up and listen.

-No, you listen. Lay a hand on Sarah--

-Don't give me orders, boy.

-No, it's a warning.

You touch her and l will

tell everyone. About Joshua too.

Look, this is not about him.

I see how you look at Sarah.

Don't worry, l'll share her with you.

When l saw you'd taught yourself how

to read, l had high hopes for you.

I really did.

So l showed you my secrets.

And you shared my knowledge

with your sinner friends?

I know that you've been teaching them

to read. I know everything!

I am loved!

The people obey me without question.

I have everything l need

without risking my neck on the hunt.

I'm more powerful than the leader.

You can have this.

Shove it up your ass!

Go ahead! Go ahead.

You ready? Go ahead.

I didn't think so.

Vincent, was it really an accident

with Nathaniel?

He was an a**hole.

I'm not gonna miss him.

-But l didn't do it on purpose.

-He was a bad leader.

-If l had led the hunt--

-Heather, women can't lead.

-They're weak and delicate.

-I'll show you.

-You want to mess? Let's go!

-Bring it on, motherf***er!

-Come on!

-Get off! Don't make me hurt you!

I'd like to see you try.

Where's David?

lf we get caught-- The rules!

F*** the rules!

Rules were made up by the elders

to keep us scared and stupid.

They don't want us to know how

the old world was. But l know.

I've read the books.

People lived in huge cities

that stretched up to the sky.

They had heat and cool air

when they wanted.

-So they never went outside?

-They did. Always.

They weren't nature's slaves,

but its masters.

They could do anything imagined.

If we keep studying them,

one day we'll re-create that world.

-Not if your father is leading.

-He won't live forever.

We're the future of this tribe.

Come on, let's start your lesson.

" Dear Penthouse Forum:

I never believed those articles

you printed were true until my con--

--conservative wife asked me

to ream her bunghole...

...with a 'veebrating daldo."'

Vibrating dildo. How many times

have we been over the " l"'s?

I've never heard these words.

I don't know what a bunghole is.

But l bet your father does.

That's why you're mad. Your dad's

gonna fill up your girl with "God."

Damn right l'm angry!

I'm sick and tired of his lies. Tell

them what he did to you, Elizabeth.

Come on. We're friends.

-It's okay. Tell us.

-What is it?

He asked me to his room

to show me something.

-It was his spear.

-I'll give you a spear.

Shut up!

He said God wanted it inside me,

but l didn't want it inside me.

He said if l didn't, God would be mad

and l'd get worse than a whipping.

Bastard! But what can we do about it?

Give him a vibrating dildo

and shove it up his bunghole.

Sh*t!

-Do you like the cave?

-It's nice.

This is where God appeared

to me and said, "Sarah!"

He chose you. Isn't that an honour,

to be chosen to serve God?

You're not like the others.

They're dirty. You're clean.

God chose you.

A great honour to serve God, isn't it?

You'll get to serve God.

You've been chosen.

You've been chosen. My body is

the temple. My seed is the sacrament.

-Prepare to accept the Lord.

-No, please. No, please. No!

-Please, no!

-It's okay.

God said this is how it should be.

-Now don't make a sound.

-No!

-You little f***er!

-No! Please don't!

-Don't hurt him!

-I'm gonna kill you!

-Don't hurt him!

-I will kill you!

-I'll kill you!

-Don't hurt him!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Dad?

-Time to die, pretty boy.

-Get off me, man!

Get in there!

Kill him before God destroys us all.

Kill him!

You killed your father.

You f***ed up, pretty boy.

We'll take care of

that princess for you. How's that?

Stop following me.

What the f*** was he thinking?

Was he supposed to let him rape her?

That spoiled b*tch? l would have.

She followed me.

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