Thank You For Smoking Page #9

with Vermont cheddar cheese.

If we want to talk numbers,

how about the millions of people

dying of heart attacks.

Perhaps Vermont cheddar

should come

with a skull and crossbones.

That is lud...

The great state of Vermont

will not apologize for its cheese.

Mr. Naylor,

we are here to discuss cigarettes.

Not planes, not cars- cigarettes.

Now, as we discussed earlier,

these warning labels

are not for those who know, but

rather for those who don't know.

What about the children?

Gentlemen...

it's called education.

It doesn't come off the side

of a cigarette carton.

It comes from our teachers,

and more importantly, our parents.

It is the job

of every parent

to warn their children of all

the dangers of the world,

including cigarettes, so that

one day, when they get older,

they can choose for themselves.

I look at my... son

who...

was kind enough

to come with me today,

and I can't help but think

that I am responsible

for his growth

and his development.

And I'm proud of that.

Well, having

said that,

would you condone him smoking?

Well, of course not.

He's not 18.

That would be illegal.

Yes, I-I heard you deliver

that line on 20-20,

but enough dancing.

What are you going to do

when he turns 18?

Come on, Mr. Naylor.

On his 18th birthday, will

you share a cigarette with him?

Will you spend

a lovely afternoon,

like one of your ludicrous

cigarette advertisements?

You seem to have a lot to say

about how we

should raise our children.

What of your own?

What are you

going to do

when he turns 18?

If he really wants a cigarette,

I'll buy him his first pack.

Thank you for your testimony,

Mr. Naylor. You're excused.

I'll meet you outside, okay?

Great.

Well done, my boy.

Were you in the same room as me?

The whole personal choice thing?

They ate that sh*t up.

Just checked the whip count.

That bill is going down in flames.

Your speech was unorthodox,

but you did it, boy.

You crushed the f***er.

That's good news for you guys.

Oh. Whoa, whoa.

We're still a team, right?

What about damage control?

Look, Nick.

Winston-Salem is ready

to do whatever it takes

to keep you onboard.

Nick, will you continue

fighting for cigarettes?

Of course he will.

This man here is our general.

We're not just gonna let him retire.

Is that correct, Nick?

You're sticking with tobacco?

Now, I know what

you're probably thinking.

What a great opportunity for me

to teach Joey

how to use leverage against

a backstabbing boss.

But I actually meant what

I said about responsibility.

Some things

are just more important

than paying a mortgage.

So I did the only responsible

thing I could.

I turned down the job.

And my timing

couldn't have been better.

Within a few months,

the cigarette companies

settled

with the American smoker

to the tune of $246 billion.

And the Academy

of Tobacco Studies

was permanently dismantled.

For the first time in decades,

BR found himself out of work.

Otherwise, not much has changed.

The MOD squad still meets every week.

Nice.

We even added a few new members.

The things I could learn

from you, BobbyJay.

Right.

Stick around. Stick around.

Senator Finistirre is still

fighting for his causes.

What do you say

to the people who claim

you are destroying cinema classics?

Mmm, no. All

we're doing

is using

digital technology

to tastefully update

movies of the past...

by removing cigarettes.

I believe that if these

stars were alive today,

they would agree that

we're doing the right thing.

But, in essence, aren't

you changing history?

No, I think we're improving history.

Even Heather is still reporting.

The whole town has been evacuated.

They're calling this

the storm of the century.

Not much changes at all.

And this year's Foggy Bottom

Debating Society Champion is...

Joey Naylor.

- Yay!

- Yay!

Joey!

Joey!

Joey, Joey!

That's my boy.

Hold it up. Hold it up.

And me?

Well, there's still a place

for guys like me.

So, be straight with me.

Is it true?

- It could be.

- Come on.

We know of very few cases.

There's no scientific proof at all.

There was an unfortunate

incident out in Iowa...

It's really a complicated situation.

Gentlemen,

practice these words

in front of the mirror.

"Although we are constantly

exploring the subject,

"currently,

there is no direct evidence

"that links cell phone usage

to brain cancer."

Michael Jordan plays ball.

Charles Manson kills people.

I talk.

Everyone has a talent.

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