Thank Your Lucky Stars

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How's your love life?

Well, thank your lucky stars

Yes, thank your lucky stars

It's doing fine

Keep your love life

As sweet as candy bars

And thank your lucky stars

Like I thank mine

Everybody's living on less and less

But you're okay

You're such a big success, oh, yes

You've got your love life

And that's the only thing

They won't be rationing

They don't know how

So thank your lucky stars

Right now

Thank your lucky stars right now

Such a talent.

We must get her for the benefit.

Positively.

- Lovely, Dinah, lovely.

- Thank you.

Have you met our guest for tonight?

- Oh, John Garfield?

- Yes.

- Oh, certainly. I've known Johnny for years.

- You have?

Uh-huh.

- Confidentially, I'm just a little bit worried.

- You are?

I've seen him in all those pictures,

but tell me, is he really that tough?

Tough? Oh, Don Wilson...

...John Garfield is the sweetest, mildest,

gentlest boy...

...you'd ever wanna meet

in the whole world.

Really?

Sure.

I'm warning you, Cantor.

Stop telling me what to do.

If we get out there and you cross me up,

I'm gonna flatten you.

I don't say that your way is wrong, only

if you'd stand on the right side of the mike...

- I'll stand where I stood.

- You'll be hiding my face.

Is that bad?

Now look, this is only a radio show.

You read your lines. I'll read mine.

- Don't fool around with that microphone.

- Fool around? Me? Cantor?

I never interfere with anything.

With me, it's strictly live and let live.

Now, get ready, John, because we go

right on. You know what I mean?

And here comes Eddie Cantor

with his guest star...

...that bad boy of Burbank,

John Garfield.

Well, what are you gonna do

for the folks, John?

Nothing. I ain't talking, see?

Not till I get paid.

Let's not argue over money.

How much you want?

- Five thousand bucks.

- Let's argue.

Garfield, I'll admit

you're a great dramatic actor.

In radio, you're helpless.

You can't tell jokes, don't sing.

Sing? Now, wouldn't that be cute?

Garfield singing a song.

Why, I could just picture it. I'm in the

death house. Waiting for the hot seat.

The reporters want the story of my life.

I ain't got time. I tell them:

It all began way back when...

My mama done told me

When I was in knee pants

My mama done told me, John

I'll never forget the day

my mama done told me.

Picked me up on her lap,

stroked my golden curls.

I was just 19 at the time and she said:

A woman's a two-face

A worrisome thing

Who'll leave you to sing

The blues in the night

Now the rain's a-fallin'

Now the train's a-callin'

A- hooey, da-hooey

It's a lot of hooey. I heard

a train whistle, see? So I blew town.

I met the rat

that started me on the road to crime.

Fish-eye Looey. I wanted to kill him.

I grabbed him by the throat.

I squeezed and squeezed.

I wanted to pay him

for making me an outlaw.

- Shunned by society. A stinker.

- John.

- Let go of me.

- But he got away.

From Natchez to Sing Sing

From Memphis to Alcatraz

Wherever the rock piles grow

Ha-ha.

I've been in the best jails

Why, sure, I've seen me the best frails

And just like my mama done told me,

I met a two-faced woman.

Two-Kisser Bessie was her name.

They was handy, those two faces.

She could crack a safe and

look out for the cops at the same time.

She was nuts about me till she fell

for another guy, Fish-eye Looey.

I wanted to knock him off, see?

I went to his hideout.

I broke down the door.

He wasn't there. I waited. I nabbed him.

- I squeezed and squeezed.

- John.

I squeezed harder and harder.

Suddenly, I hear the sirens: Whoo!

The bulls. Somebody's tipped them off.

Somebody squealed to the cops.

My mama done told them.

My old lady, a stool pigeon.

I'm trapped. Trapped like a rat.

They're coming in on me.

They're getting closer, closer:

Oh, they got me.

Oh, Mama.

Mama, I gotta talk fast now.

You was right.

I've been in some big towns.

I heard me some big talk.

But there's one thing I know.

I can't die till I get even with Fish-eye.

Fish-eye.

A woman's a two-face

A worrisome thing

Who'll leave you to sing

The blues in the night

Good. Good. Good.

Thank you, John Garfield.

Thank you very much

and good night, John.

If you please, Cookie Fairchild.

Potatoes are cheaper

Tomatoes are cheaper

Now's the time to fall in love

Why, the butcher, the baker

The candlestick maker

Gave the price a downward shove...

Here we are. Step right in the bus, folks.

We're leaving in a minute for a glimpse...

...at the homes of Hollywood's

biggest movie stars.

It's the biggest 50-cent value

in Hollywood.

Don't miss this opportunity.

You can tell the folks...

...you saw Bette Davis picking flowers

in her own backyard.

There's a million thrills in Beverly Hills.

Take a glamorous trip

through the Sunset Strip.

Come on, driver. It's 25 after 5.

Just let me get two more suckers, will you?

I mean, customers. Just two more.

No waiting. No delay.

We leave in exactly...

Hey, Pete.

Will you please give me a break?

It's tough without trying

to out-shout that guy.

Okay. Okay.

- Hi, Pete.

How are you, Mr. Butler?

- Got a Sporting News?

- Yes.

- How's it, Pete?

- Haven't seen you in quite a while.

Olivia de Havilland, Alan Hale.

Step right this way...

- Are you going to the fights, Mark?

- Hello.

Oh, hello, Joe.

What's that for?

Have you given up acting?

No, but, well, a fella's gotta make

a living between pictures.

- Oh, I see.

- Say, you're directing a picture over...

...at Warner Bros.

- That's right, Joe.

You think there might be something there

that I can play?

Here's the man to ask, Joe.

This is my producer, Mark Hellinger.

- Joe Simpson.

- Hello, Joe.

Mr. Hellinger, you really ought to use me,

Mr. Hellinger.

- I've been reading your stories for years.

- Well, that makes two of us.

I'll tell you what you do.

Give me a ring at the studio.

Would 6:
00 be too early?

I don't get in till 9.

I'll hold the wire.

- See you later, Joe.

- So long, Joe.

That's a funny guy. Clean him up

and he's a ringer for Eddie Cantor.

That's his trouble, Mark.

I had him play a small part

in a dramatic scene...

...and the audience died laughing.

I had to shoot the thing over without him.

That's why nobody wants to use him.

Pretty rough deal. Guy can't get a break

because he looks too much like a star.

Yeah. That's a new way

of becoming a failure.

- Hi, Pete.

Hi, Tommy.

- The Cantor show?

- Yeah.

- What time is it?

- Oh, about 5:
27.

- What's all the excitement about?

- Something big, Pete. Big.

And when Tommy Randolph

says big, it's big.

Say, this is too much.

Hey, what's the idea, Joe?

Tommy, I thought you were a pal of mine.

I can't stand that popeyed baboon.

Why don't you relax?

Aren't you imposing a little?

Don't be impatient, folks.

How about it? Show the little lady

all the homes of the movie stars.

I'm sorry. I got an hour.

I gotta get back to my ship.

What better way can you spend

your last hour than a bus ride?

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