Thanks for Sharing Page #3

Uh, just, uh... Right...

Oh, oh.

That...

Right there.

I think I need a drink.

I think I need one, too.

Wait, you're not an

alcoholic, are you?

No. Why?

Okay.

No, because

my last boyfriend was an alcoholic,

and I promised myself

I'd never date an addict again.

Well, I'm not an alcoholic.

Great.

So my son got really

upset the other day

'cause I told him he had to

stop playing and do his homework.

And I understand how he feels,

but I couldn't say to him,

like, you know, "Don't you think."

"I'd rather be alone with a jar of blow

and a couple of transsexual hookers?"

(SIGHS)

Not that he would know...

I mean, he doesn't know

what the word "jar" means, but...

Neil.

(EXHALES) Hey. Neil. Sex addict.

Hi, Neil.

Hi, Neil.

Hey.

I dreamed of being a doctor

since I was 10 years old.

It all started with ER.

I knew I could never be George

Clooney, but Anthony Edwards...

(LAUGHTER)

Bald, glasses, saving lives like

a superhero, that I could do.

So I worked nonstop for many years

with no social life, and I finally did it.

I became a doctor.

I was really good at it, too.

Until I got fired yesterday

for filming up my boss' skirt.

Mmm.

I told her it was for a documentary

called What the Ground Sees.

(CHUCKLING)

Oddly enough, she didn't buy it.

Stop f***ing around, a**hole!

It's not funny anymore, is it?

Nope.

I've been lying about my day count

this entire time.

I've never actually

even gotten one day.

I can't lie anymore.

Not to you, not to myself.

So from now on,

no more bullshit.

Just the truth.

And the truth is...

I'm out of control.

I'm scared.

And I need help.

I need help.

Okay, Neil, if we're gonna do this

again, then you gotta give me 150%.

Okay.

And since you're not working,

you have to do a 90 in 90.

What is that?

Ninety meetings in 90 days.

Okay.

Call me every day.

Fine.

You pray every day.

(SIGHS) I'm kind of an atheist.

All right.

Okay! All right, fine.

Dude, I'll do whatever I gotta do.

Listen to me.

Higher power doesn't have to be some

old dude with a beard in the sky, okay?

It just has to be something

that's bigger than you.

I'm pretty big.

And no more lame jokes, all right?

Okay.

Stop that sh*t.

Okay.

No subway, no Internet.

Are you f***ing serious, dude?

I am serious, are you?

Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.

No. No worries.

Not a problem.

I can... I'll talk to you later.

We'll talk and I'll... You can call me.

That was a stupid share, dude.

Ow! Oh, thanks.

I love when people just bring it.

It was... You were, like,

an open wound out there.

It was... Your guts

were flopping out all over the place.

Thanks.

That was some inspiring sh*t, yo.

Yeah.

I'm Dede.

I know who you are.

Can I get your number?

My sponsor told me to get numbers, but

I'm not good at that reaching out sh*t.

It's...

You ready?

Yeah. Okay. Um...

45-4-6.

Okay.

5-5-5.

Yeah.

Zero-uno-cuatro-niner.

646-555-0149.

Dude, you're a doorbell. Ding Dong.

I'm gonna call you.

I'm gonna friggin' answer.

How's it going with the girl?

Good. We had our first date.

Oh, nice.

Is she a friend of Bill?

No, she's a civilian. She's

great, she's funny, she's smart.

And you're a shallow prick,

so she must be gorgeous.

No, man, at this point in my sobriety, I

don't even notice the externals of a woman.

Yeah, f*** you, Deepak.

I'm just focused

right in on her heart and soul.

Yeah, right.

I swear.

Yeah.

You know if it keeps going well,

you got to tell her, right?

Yeah.

Full disclosure.

I'm a little worried about that.

Well, worry is just a

meditation on sh*t.

(INDISTINCT TV CHATTER)

Good morning.

Morning.

So, um...

What the f***, Danny?

Building you guys a koi pond.

Koi pond?

Yeah.

Thought it would go good with the whole,

you know, Zen vibe you guys got going on.

Just curious, you ever think about

running the idea by someone first?

Like, I don't know,

maybe the guy who owns the backyard?

Well, you know, I wanted

it to be a surprise.

Oh, it is.

So fish go in there?

Yeah.

You know, koi, those big orange carp.

I know what koi are.

So what happens in the winter when

they freeze their little koi nuts off?

No, look, I built one for

a guy in Michigan.

You just poke a hole in the ice.

It's no problem.

You sure about that?

Trust me.

You're gonna love it, Dad.

God.

Yeah, can I get someone to remove

this television from my room, please?

No, it's not broken.

I just don't want it here. Thanks.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Here you go.

Did you block the...

Yeah, boss.

You're all good. You're blocked.

So you want to go get dinner?

Uh, no, I've got to make a call.

Ooh! Nice flourish.

Wait, what are you eating?

Just a little healthy

plate of veggies.

Hold up your plate again.

What?

I just want to see something.

Aw, look at your cute little plate with

your vegetables all segregated and such.

Yeah, I just don't think that

foods of different color should mix.

Hey, I hear you.

Separate but equal. Plessy v. Ferguson.

God, I really like you.

And I don't like anybody.

I know, right?

I hate everyone except for you.

Me, too.

(WHISPERS)

I thought about you last night.

Yeah?

Actually, I thought

about you three times.

Whoa.

Have you ever "thought" about me?

(CHUCKLES)

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Oh, um, hold on a second.

Oh, yeah. Hey, come on in.

I unplugged it already.

Okay. Sony about that.

Where did we leave off?

Are they taking the

TV out of your room?

What?

What are you, Amish?

Yes, and I was hoping to escort you

to a barn raising upon my return.

(LAUGHS) Oh, my God, seriously, why

are they taking the TV out of your room?

I just can't have it in my room.

And why not?

(SIGHS)

You, uh...

You know when you don't

have control over something?

Um...

No. I have control over

everything in my life.

I'm kidding. I'm sorry. Go ahead.

Well...

(CHUCKLES)

I just...

I can't have any distractions

on these business trips.

(GASPS) Like me?

No. Like TV.

(SCRAPING)

Hey, what's going on?

Owner said my seams suck.

Been sanding this sh*t for two days.

Welcome to residential construction.

Hey, I'm not complaining though.

I mean, I know

you're taking a flyer on me and all.

No, seriously, I just want to say how much

I appreciate what you're doing for me.

Hey. United, we stand.

Divided, we stagger.

(SNIFFLING)

(CRIES) It's just that...

Hey, hey, hey.

Ever since I put the liquor down,

the slightest thing makes me start

crying like a little b*tch.

I get these, uh, feelings

coming up inside of me, you know?

Mmm.

Feelings are like children.

You don't want them

driving the car, but you

don't want to stuff them

in the trunk, either.

Where do you get this sh*t?

Meetings.

Lots and lots and lots of meetings.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(SIGHS)

Hey, Mom. I'm kind of busy right now.

That's funny.

I wasn't too busy

to give birth to you 28 years ago.

(SIGHS) I'm sorry. How are you?

So Judy Berger's son, Howard,

is doing his premed at Tufts,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes