That Darn Cat! Page #4

---

we've been picking up

- at convenient towns up the valley.

- They went in another direction?

Or stayed here in the city.

This watch lead ties in with that.

- How's your workload, Kelso?

- Me, sir?

Uh, well, I'm going over

old bank records on Johnny the Cooch.

- We're ready to trip him up.

- The Cooch can wait.

Kidnapping takes priority.

I want you to set up surveillance

and tail this cat.

- Tail the cat?

- He may take us to the criminals.

That's all.

Actually, I don't have

any experience in tailing cats.

For that matter, who does?

Sorry, sir. You wish me to set up

a surveillance on this informant,

exactly as if we thought of him

as a person?

Unless, of course, it works out better

to think of him as a cat.

Sir, I think it's only fair to tell you,

I don't get on well with cats.

There's a kind of an antagonism

between us.

- Is that so?

- Yes, and I have a slight allergy.

Allergy? I know the medical records

of every man in this office.

Have you been keeping

something from me?

It's a very small allergy, sir.

- Hardly worth mentioning.

- Don't.

Stay in touch. I'm available

on this case 24 hours a day.

Yes, sir.

Sir, it's just that every time

I'm around c...

C... [loud sneeze]

Gesundheit, and good luck.

Thank you, sir.

[Sneezing]

Yes, a lot of people

are gonna be sorry

for the things they said about DC.

[Laughing] Wait till they find out

he's working with the FBI.

I don't think we should expose

your cat's relationship with us

at this time.

I'd like to remain

as inconspicuous as possible.

You don't want everyone in the

neighborhood to know who you are?

Exactly. People tend

to become overstimulated

when they discover an FBI man

in the neighborhood.

It interferes with the quiet,

orderly process of investigation.

- Hmm.

- Especially kidnap cases.

See, this places the life

of the kidnap victim

into additional jeopardy.

We've gotta not

generate too much heat?

The kidnappers'll chicken out,

kill Miss Miller,

dispose of the remains

and take off?

Uh, that's one way to put it, yes.

Oh.

You go first.

Remember, everything

quiet, calm, inconspicuous.

Quiet, calm, inconspicuous.

[Whistling]

That brazen creature.

Right in broad daylight!

What are you cackling about now?

A strange man just went

into the house with Patti.

- So what?

- He was carrying a bag.

Don't get yourself up

in a sweat, old woman.

- It's probably the plumber.

- It was not the plumber!

- This man was nicely dressed.

- That's the way plumbers dress now.

The prices they charge these days,

I'm surprised he wasn't

wearing a tuxedo.

[Kelso] Do you have any friends?

People who are in and out all the time?

I'm afraid so.

Father always complained

we were running a rehabilitation center

for punch-drunk juveniles.

Uh-huh. I'd prefer a room

on the second floor, actually.

To reduce the chance of somebody

coming in and finding me at work.

- This your room?

- Ingrid's. My sister.

- Oh. Would she mind?

- No, not at all.

- She'd be only too happy to help.

- Good.

That's the side door

from the kitchen?

Yes, that's the exit DC uses when

he goes out for an evening on the town.

Uh-huh. Tonight, we'll set up

our communications unit in here.

Whatever you like.

All right. And now, I suppose

I'd better meet the c... c...

- [sneezes]

- Bless you. What did you say?

[Rapid breathing]

I said I...

...suppose I...

...better meet the...

- Oh.

Ah, DC. He's probably goofing around

under the bed or something.

That's his favorite spot.

- Ah, your sins have caught up with you.

- [Meowing]

This is your FBI.

Well. [chuckle] This is the...

...informant, as we say

down at the office.

Hear that, DC?

You're the informant now.

Nice little kitty cat.

Good, good kitty cat.

- Is he friendly?

- Mm-hm.

He almost got me that time.

He's all right.

Don't make any sudden moves

because it tends

to set off his reflexes or something.

Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.

Doesn't seem to like me, does he?

I guess that's a bad sign,

the kind of people

- that animals don't like?

- It doesn't mean a thing.

DC and Daddy loathe one another,

and Daddy's

the Lamb of the Year.

Say, I wonder if you would excuse me

for just one minute. I think we better

get this show on the road.

- What are you going to do?

- I have some work to do with DC

before we start our surveillance.

Photos and so on.

- Oh, for the papers, you mean?

- No, for our own people to study.

See, there's finger... pawprints,

plaster impressions...

...samples of his fur...

Bless you.

You're catching a terrible cold.

DC, pull yourself together.

You want me to get you something?

No, no. I'm fine. It's just

a slight allergy I have around c... c...

- Around, uh...

- Oh.

Wonder if you'd put him on the bed

and let me get a picture of him?

- There you go.

- Could you get him to stand up?

- I'll get a full-figure shot.

- Oh, yes.

Uh...

There we go.

Come on, DC, cooperate.

Come on, DC, you're working

for the FBI now. There.

There.

Uh, that's not any good.

We can't see him properly.

Wait a minute.

Here's what he likes.

Here.

[Meowing]

Where'd he go?

- Back under the bed.

- [Hissing]

I should've taken the pawprints first.

You're right.

He's not about to come out.

Can't we just get ahold of him there

and drag him out?

Sure, if you want to lose a hand.

[Growling]

The Bureau has spent $19,800

of the taxpayers' money

training me for emergencies.

They expect something for their cash.

I have no intention of being

intimidated by this c... c...

...animal.

- Well, you are a very brave man.

- Thank you.

All right, when I count three,

we'll both grab him at the same time.

- But move fast.

- Let's go.

- You ready?

- Let's go. Yeah.

- [Yowling]

- One, two, three.

[Yowling, snarling]

Oh, DC. You're bleeding.

No, it's nothing.

Probably just an artery.

Say, would you get him

down for me, please?

You're not going ahead with this?

I'm afraid you underestimate me.

We shall proceed

with the pawprinting.

All right.

[Growling]

Come on now, DC,

don't be difficult.

- What's that?

- It's ink.

Ink? Can't we do that

in the bathroom?

Ingrid will murder me

if we get ink on the rug.

Oh, sure. Let's go.

- [Meowing]

- Don't make such a fuss, DC.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Sorry about the washing.

Girl's bathroom, you know.

- It's okay.

- DC!

- Come on.

- Good old kitty cat.

- Nice, nice kitty cat.

- [Hissing]

[Whispering] Spread this out over there.

Let's see. I guess I'll put the pawprint

in the space for the thumb.

Oh, hurry.

I can't hold him any longer.

Oh, all right.

Here we go, now.

Just relax there.

Take it easy, there, now.

It won't hurt a bit.

- [Growling]

- [Knocking]

Oh, Canoe.

- Can I what?

- No, he's a friend of mine.

- I promised to go to the beach.

- That's not so good.

Is he one of the kids

that hangs around?

Yes, and he has kitchen privileges,

and he's as easy to get rid of...

Try to get rid of him.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes