That Guy ... Who Was in That Thing 1 Page #5

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Do it.

I mean, you got nothing else to

lose, you know, so--

What's difficult is, uh,

is getting work.

[sighs] F***ING HATE IT.

Hate it, auditions.

Sometimes when I get a call

from my agent and they say,

"we have an appointment for

you," I go, "f***."

Literally from the time

that phone rings, like, you

have an appointment, you're

like, "oh, god."

Until it's over, it's just

agony.

Another address, another

load of lines, another

character, another room full

of sweating actors.

Auditioning is ridiculous.

It helps knowing.

If you want to see what an

actor does, watch their tape.

If they don't have a tape,

meet them and talk to them

because the audition process has

nothing to do--it does not

resemble at all what happens on

the day.

Well, you know what I look

like more or less.

And you know what I'm capable

of more or less.

Why don't you save me a lot of

trouble and just offer it to me

or not?

No disrespect to the casting

director, but they're not often

good actors.

So you've got nothing you're

working with.

So you're working in a vacuum.

Get me in a room like this

with two people who are

exhausted and are pissed off

they have to read people

when they should be scouting

a location.

It's just--it's partly my--

My difficulty of suspending

disbelief, that you're going to

walk into an office and, sitting

in a chair, pretend that you're

IN THE '30s AT A TRAIN STATION

or wherever the hell it is and

reading for a revolution.

And suddenly, I'm having to be

reacting to a massacre that had

just happened in front of me.

And the line was like,

"oh, my god."

That was, like, the entire line

in the scene or something

like that.

Like, "are you buying this?"

'Cause I'm not.

"I guess they're saying it

this way.

Are they angry at me?"

You know, it's like acting is

reacting.

What are they doing?

What are you reacting to?

Some idea of what you think

they may be doing in the scene.

The auditioning process is

really dehumanizing sometimes.

When you audition for a

pilot, you're probably one of

hundreds of people who

auditioned for this part.

Then maybe you have a callback,

and you're one of maybe 50.

Maybe you have a second callback

when you're 1 out of maybe 20.

And then, maybe they decide

to test you, so maybe you're

one out of five or six.

They'll call us, we'll do

a deal for you, so that they

know how much you'll--you'll

cost them.

And then, you will have to

test in front of the studio

executives.

And then, if you make it past

that, maybe you're one out

of three.

It's a real mental discipline

to be able to continue to have

the same kind of fun you had

at the first audition when you

finally do that thing called

the network test.

I think I first tested in

'87, and I had a friend who

told me that "it's gonna be

a hellish experience.

I just want to warn you what's

gonna happen.

There'll be people throwing up

in the halls.

It's--it's a horrible thing.

You sit in a room.

It's two minutes.

You gotta nail it.

You sign a contract for

thousands of dollars.

You see your competition."

I was, like, you know, I was,

like, a--I was, like, a mess.

You go on to the network

and hopefully, out of the three

people, you get it.

Okay, so you do the pilot.

Great.

All right, so then, the next

period comes where you hope

that they pick you up.

And then, hopefully, they'll

become a series because they've

done maybe 25 or 30 pilots, and

maybe they only have two or

three hours available to them.

And so you're lucky.

Okay, you hit the jackpot,

you get on the air.

Then you have to hope that your

show is successful, that people

actually watch your show because

other than that, the network

will cancel you.

So it's many steps, and you have

to be talented and lucky at

the same time.

You're going in there to

be judged.

You get one shot at it.

I've also failed miserably at--

At, like, network auditions,

all that pressure.

Incredible amount of--of

rejection that you go through.

There's ten other guys that are

sitting out in the hallway,

trying to do same thing you're

doing.

And they're all just as good

as you are.

Some of the happiest moments

of my life were when I was

leaving auditions.

And I didn't even care if I got

it or not.

I mean, occasionally I'd care.

I care.

If you have an ounce of--of

feeling in your body, you're

going feel like, "damn it.

I feel horrible, I feel--I--

What did I do wrong?"

I think it's hard for anybody

who wants to be an actor, but

I think it would be foolish to

think that race doesn't matter.

Most of the roles that are

written are for white actors

and actresses.

You never know why you get

a job, and you never know why

you don't.

It could be you get hired

because you remind the director

of his wife's brother.

It could be you don't get hired

because you remind the director

of his wife's brother.

Sometimes you can go into

a room, and you're having a

wonderful time with people.

And you really got a hold of it.

And other times, some guy's

looking down here saying,

"what time's lunch?

We got this--"

you're thinking, "we got this

cast already."

I remember a director, who will

remain nameless, and I went in

to audition for this movie.

And he turned to the--he turned

to the casting guy.

And he went--

[sighs]

So I waited for five years to

get my next audition with this

guy because I was gonna wrap

a chair around his head.

This was great.

I came in for the next job, and

it was about five years later.

And...

[laughs]

I came in for the job, and

I just pulled up the chair,

and I sat, and I looked at him,

like, "okay, open your mouth.

Open your mouth, okay?

Say anything."

And he looked at me, and he

said, "you know, you have the

best face for a western I've

ever seen.

You got the blue eyes and that

anger in you.

I want you for this movie."

I went, "oh, okay."

And he got in a fistfight

with the star the next day and

was fired off the movie.

I don't think he's worked since.

And then a great director that

I had worked with before came

in and said, "no, kid--you're--

You're--I'm sorry.

You're a good actor.

You're wrong for the part."

I never got the job.

But it's funny, so you never

know how an audition is going

to turn out.

To learn the craft of

audition, first of all, you have

to be a reader in an audition,

you have to watch 50 guys walk

in and watch how 42 of 'em were

dead before they hit the chair.

They, you know, they've lost the

job before they opened

their mouth.

In this business, you just

keep going forward.

If you--if you start to worry

about it too much, you lose

your nut.

You lose your--you lose your

presence when you walk into

a room.

If you're there jonesing for

a job, and you need this job

bad, no way you'll get hired.

There's a point to which the

butterflies can really trip you

up.

I mean, they can really chew--

Chew you up too much.

If the audition--here's how--

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