That Guy ... Who Was in That Thing 1 Page #6

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Is when it really hurts you.

The audition is really

important, and it's the only

audition you've had in six

months, you know what I mean?

You know what I mean?

When you go into an audition,

and you must book the job to

save your S.A.G. Insurance or

to--to pay your rent,

unfortunately, that tends to

work against you when it comes

to actually booking the part

because people feel that you're

desperate for a job, and--and

that can be off-putting.

The times that it works best

for me is when I don't care,

when I really don't care.

I mean, the last pilot I got

a few years back, I had a 103

fever, and I didn't want to be

there, and I didn't want to go.

And somebody was calling me,

"just get out of bed

and go there."

"Okay, I'm going, I'm going."

"Well, you gotta go back to

the network."

"No, I'm not."

[laughs]

And they'd--okay.

They hired you.

A part of me still loves to

audition because it's--it's

getting to do a performance

one time, in a--in a room.

Sometimes that's the only

chance you're gonna get to act.

This day, this week, this month,

that audition.

Usually, I don't bring

glasses to an audition because

they get in the way.

But for the part of Sid,

the scene was him examining

a cadaver.

So I brought my glasses, and at

a certain point, I put them up

and then, it just--and it helped

me get the part.

Far more often than any

compliment about my acting

in that role is compliments

about my glasses.

[laughter]

I think people like my glasses

more than my character.

I'm jealous of my glasses,

that's how petty I can be.

Donna calls and says,

"hey, how tall are you?"

I said, "I'm about--I don't

know, 6'2", you know.

Maybe 210 pounds."

She says, "no, you're 6'4."

[laughs]

And I said, "why?"

She says, "because Steven

Bochco's--you know this show

called 'Murder One'?"

I said, "yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love 'murder one.'

you know, it's a great show."

She says, "yeah, they're doing

year two, and they want--they're

looking for an actor who is

about 6'4", 6'3", 6'4"

and can convincingly look like

he plays pro basketball."

And I said, "well, I don't--

I don't play a lick of

basketball, but I can--I can

lie my ass off and say that

I can."

I wore some Skecher boots that

gave me about an inch and

a half height.

And I kind of dressed up

a little flashy, you know, for

the character because he's,

you know, $50 million NBA star.

I'm coming home on the bus on

Melrose Avenue.

I didn't have a cell phone

at the time.

I had a beeper.

Donna calls, and I was like,

"oh, my god.

This could be it."

I pull the bell on the bus and

get off at the next stop and

run to the nearest pay phone to

call Donna.

She says, "are you--are you

anywhere sitting down right

now?"

And that's all she had to say.

Dude, I'm going to start crying

right now.

And she said--she said,

"you got the job."

She said, "they loved you, and

you're going to be working

for a while."

They guaranteed him,

I believe, nine episodes, and

with that money, he got himself

a real junk of a car, but at

least it could get him around.

It got me off the bus.

To this day, out of all the

things that I've done in the

last 12 years, "murder one"

has to be the top, like,

probably the top two jobs

I've ever had.

When it was over, I was just

like, "wow, man.

I would love to stay on this

level," you know.

But, you know, being an actor

means your career is going

to go like this.

I auditioned for about a

year to--I unlearned everything

I learned in theater school

to get a job on TV.

And I-I got a job.

I would say that getting

a job is a 50/50 deal.

It's luck and skill.

Certainly, if I hadn't had

luck in certain opportunities,

I might not have survived this

business.

I would say the fir--

The first job's luck,

the second job...

Is luck.

Third job, you gotta know what

you're doing because if you

suck, you suck.

And by the third job,

they figure that out.

[upbeat music]

We are working actors because

we work.

The job comes, and we pretty

much take it.

Okay, so a project will come

up, like "the hills have eyes."

And I read this script,

and I thought, "no."

So you say, "I'm not gonna do it

unless what I get out of it

makes a big difference, maybe

to my private life."

So it'll be tuition for

my daughter to go to NYU.

It will, you know, pay bills.

I mean, let's be practical.

One of the big sequences is

this clan member whose name

is Ruby, the same name as

my daughter, is trying to save

this baby's life.

And I'm saying I'm trying to

kill the baby to serve it up for

dinner.

Just reminded me of

actually chasing my little girl

when she was a little girl

around the dining room table

saying, "I'm gonna get you."

My daughter Ruby has not seen

that movie.

I hope she never sees the movie.

I've had people saying,

"you got to be careful,

and you can't just do crap."

Then there are other people like

Anthony Quinn that says,

"son, do everything.

Do everything that's thrown

at you because you never know

what's gonna be successful

a year from now.

You'll never know what won't."

I'm a hack, I'm a prostitute.

I can't choose what my

customers are.

There's some cheesy stuff

that I would die if it was still

playing.

There are a couple of movies

I've done that really are kind

of dumb, and I-I didn't mean to

kind of send people down the

wrong Avenue.

I turned down a Tinto Brass

movie because it opens with

the--my--one of the great

quotes, which is, "the old man

stood there behind the maid,

showing us his gnarled and

wrinkled genitalia."

And I thought, "I don't think

I'm going to be doing this one."

Yeah, there's lots about

acting I don't like.

When it's not going well, when

you're working with uncreative

people.

There's a couple of TV jobs

that I didn't like the

experience of or looked at and

said, "what am I doing here?

Oh, do I really want to do this

for a living?"

I guess I have a motto, which

is, "I'll stick around to be

insulted one more time."

Very few people achieve the

success that I think everybody

dreams of.

And so in Hollywood, there's

a lot of angry people who feel

like they'd been dealt--

If only they could have--if

they'd have been, blah, blah,

blah.

I worked with an idiot on

a film three years ago.

And she is the biggest--the

biggest diva I've ever worked

with, like a completely pampered

former television star who's

doing film, who I-I just--

Thank god a more senior actor

on set took her aside and said,

"who the f*** do you think

you are, talking to people

like this?"

Because she was impossible.

Now, I'm older and if it's--

Somebody starts messing with me,

I just tell them right off the

bat, "stop f***ing with me."

I'm lucky I'm at my age, and

I get--I tend to get respect,

which is okay.

And if I don't, I'll get it.

You know, I'll punch your head

in.

I was very reluctant to turn

a job down, and I remember

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