That Old Feeling

1

"L" is for the way

you look at me

"O" is for the only one

I see

"V" is very, very

Extraordinary

"E" is even more

than anyone

That you adore can love

Is all that I can give

to you

Love is more than

just a game for two

Two in love can make it

Take my heart

and, please, don't break it

Love was made

for me and you

"L" is for the way

You look at me

"O" is for the only

One I see

"V" is very, very

Extraordinary

"E" is even more than

anyone that you adore

Can love

Is all that I can give

to you

Waiter! Waiter!

Love is more than

just a game for two

- Two in love can make it

- Spit it out. Cough. Come on!

Take my heart

and, please, don't break it

Love was made

for me and you

Love was made

for me and you

Love was made

Oh! For me and you

I had this vision of you

in stomach surgery...

on what should have been the

happiest night of your life.

It is. Good.

Because... I booked a church.

You did?

Don't worry. It's beautiful.

It's next to my parents' house.

We'll have the reception there.

We'll put your family up at the local inn.

The next morning... off to Maui.

Listen, is it really very important

to you to have an actual... wedding?

I thought it would be romantic

if we just kind of ran away.

Forgot the whole production.

Molly, what is this?

All right.

You know how some people's parents

hate each other? Like yours.

But it's very civilized,

and they stay together.

They smile,

and they keep up appearances.

Well, my parents hate each other

with a nuclear capability, Keith.

They haven't seen or spoken

to each other in 14 years.

I can't have a wedding

and not invite one of them.

If they're both there, something

could happen. Like what?

I don't know. A homicide.

Molly, this is your wedding. What

makes you think that your mother...

is gonna make a scene at the most

inappropriate of all places?

She is an actress.

Come on, Mother. Please.

Don't do this Garbo thing.

Nobody recognizes you.

That's what you think.

The cockroach has been following me for

three blocks. Who's the cockroach?

That greasy little paparazzi. The one

that took the fat picture of me.

Don't turn around!

I thought you got an injunction.

I couldn't.

Some First Amendment garbage or something.

Come on. Duck in here.

God. How does he do it?

He's like some missing

link Sherlock Holmes.

The one time in my life I blimped out,

there he was, clicking away in my face.

People still think I'm obese!

No one thinks you're obese.

He's the reason I lost

that role in Little Women.

Nice! Right into

eight million shopping carts.

Sewer rat!

Make love to the camera.

Damn you! Not from the left!

Hey!

Lawsuit! Lawsuit!

Never from the left!

My face is too round from the left.

I look like a wheel of Brie.

Oh, my God! Security!

Give me some teeth.

Help! I'm being assaulted!

Sir, come with me, please.

I-I'm just shopping.

You're out of here!

Those are nice panties. I want

to get those for my girlfriend.

Such a creep!

Oh, God. I hope

they throw the book at him.

Look. A little wedding night thrill.

How about that?

I am not going to wear this. He'll

think I'm gonna charge him.

Keith will love it.

Or hasn't he seen them yet?

Mother, could you be normal for one

minute, please? Normal? Normal?

I'm normal.

Oh, all right. You want to

have a real talk? Well, yes.

That would be nice. Okay, honey, are

you sure you want to marry this guy?

Don't start. You're so young.

Don't you know what

your 20s are for?

They're for having sex

with all the wrong people.

They're not for getting married.

I mean, really.

You got married. I know, and I wish

I'd been around a little more.

If I had, I would have seen your father

for what he was. He's going to be there.

Huh? He's gonna be

at the wedding.

How about this one?

Mom, I know you heard me. Of course, I did.

I understand perfectly.

He is your father, although once I told

him he wasn't just to torture him.

Look at me.

I want you to swear

that you will behave.

Molly, don't I always?

Why are you doing this here?

Natural light. I need to know what

I'm really going to look like,

not what I'm kidding myself

that I look like.

Let's talk about this.

Can we, please?

Is this about Dan? No, it's

about that slut Rowena.

Lillian, is she worth the maintenance

on all this hatred? I don't see this.

Alan, she took my husband away from me.

I have to look like a goddess.

I know it all turned out

for the best.

I hope she looks 1,000.

I hope she's getting those

little lines above her lips.

She always had that fabulous tan.

I hope she's a f***ing raisin.

Hmph! What?

I'm just wondering whether you're

being totally honest with yourself.

Alan, I'm not neurotic.

I'm just a b*tch.

I want my ex-rival to have aged badly.

What could be more normal than that?

I hope she looks like one of those

Chinese dogs, the ones with the folds.

The ones that look like they're melting.

That would be great.

Dan, we are seriously late.

Rowena, I'm in the wedding. They can't start without me.

Just give me ten seconds.

What is it? It's this tuxedo.

It's geriatric.

I don't like the tie. I hate the shoes.

It's about your hair.

Look at it. Why did I let you talk me into this?

I should have gone bald.

Don't be an idiot.

Dr. Goldbine did a great job.

No, no, no. It's too much. It's gigolo hair.

He's the best.

Nobody can tell

I got my lips done.

- You don't know Lilly.

- What about Lilly?

She has X-ray vision for people

with cosmetic improvements.

She should talk. Have you

seen that picture of her?

What picture?

She's as big as a house. You couldn't

tell which one was her original chin.

- She's fat?

- Mm-hmm. Let's go.

How fat? Fat-fat?

She was wearing a pup tent.

It was really very sad.

It was circus fat? Mm-hmm.

Two-plane-seats fat? Yes, Dan.

Oh, my God!

She's had everything done.

They've taken some of her nose

and injected it into her lips.

Are you nervous, Molly?

No, I'm not.

You should be nervous. I would be nervous.

If you say one more thing...

Don't worry. I shall

forever hold my peace.

You'd better. You're no fun.

You know, I think somebody should object.

Liven this morgue up.

Daddy, stop it. You're scaring me.

Don't scare me. I might throw up.

No, you won't. Not until you see

the outfit your mother is wearing.

Holy cow. She looks

like she's a toreador.

Don't look at her.

You'll set her off. Sit.

I thought you said she was fat.

So she had her jaw wired or her

stomach stapled. I don't know.

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here...

to join together this man and

this woman in holy matrimony.

Congratulations.

Molly, good to see you.

Congratulations.

Keith, good to see you.

Congratulations.

Oh, where are they?

Relax. They're miles apart.

I'm so glad you liked that one.

That's my favorite too.

Oh, aren't you sweet?

Why is it in all your books you're

always killing off actresses?

I'm just acting on an impulse most of us have.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes