That Old Feeling Page #2

Champagne, sir?

Thanks, Mitch. Oh! Look at you!

You look fabulous!

What a beautiful wedding.

A little long. Ha, ha.

I'm her Aunt Iris. Ah.

You gonna win your election?

I certainly hope so.

He's ahead in the polls. You

know, her hair's wrong.

You can't be

a congressman's wife

unless you get that

helmet thing going.

Okay, Aunt Iris. Anyhoo,

I need a drink.

Waiter! Get over here!

Not you, the young one.

Who's that?

That's my grandmother.

Thank you.

Mmm! Even more

beautiful in person.

Who the f... Mother, you remember

Senator Marks, Keith's father?

Oh. Right.

Keith tells me you've

graciously agreed to perform...

at one of my

little fund-raisers.

A Republican fund-raiser?

Of course!

Darling, I... We'll

talk about it later.

I need food.

Lilly, wait.

Congratulations!

You look so much better.

I find any attempt you make to talk

to me in the worst possible taste.

Oh, Lilly.

It's been so many years.

So why bring it up? Because

I really behaved badly.

Oh, Rowena,

you were impeccable.

I particularly enjoyed finding

your hair on my pillow.

That was a classy touch.

I didn't plan that. It was

just spontaneous combustion.

Rowena, did they suck out your

brain cells along with your fat?

I don't think my fat

has ever been an issue, Lilly.

Well, Dan, here we are

at a wedding.

Perfect place for growth,

for healing.

And just think, you and me,

two people...

Shut up, or I'll kill you. Huh.

Hey.

You know the bride's mother,

the one with the big...

I want you to shoot her

only from the left.

No problem.

Who let you in here?

How ya doin'? No, no, no!

Not today!

Why not today?

You look radiant.

Get out! I mean it. Get out!

Don't be shy.

Stop. Just stop.

Tilt your head to the left.

Look at that nuptial blush.

How dare you?

I gotta pay rent too.

Don't you live in a van?

Sanford! You're funny.

Maybe we could do something with the

whole family. Sanford! Gordon!

Pout. Gordon, please. This

is an uninvited guest.

Don't touch the camera!

Hey, Malibu Ken!

That's good. Stand with your wife.

Nice shot.

Hey, let go of me! Tough guys, huh?

You look like Easter eggs!

What was that about?

How did he get in here?

I hired him. What?

His portfolio was great.

He shoots all the stars.

What people really

want in a marriage...

We want what I call

emotional valet parking.

We deserve it, but in order to get

it, you have to be validated.

Have a wonderful day.

Lovely. Bye-bye.

Congratulations.

Our daughter looks beautiful.

Thank you.

So how are you?

Fabulous. How are you?

Never better. Good.

I'm glad you can be civil.

This is not the time nor the

place for anything else, is it?

For once, we agree.

What are you doing in Armani?

Knock over a truck?

It's called prosperity. Really?

Yes, Keep Under The Grass

went into its third printing.

Oh? What's that?

One of my books.

Oh, I wouldn't know. I've

been out of the country.

Tax problems? Shooting a film.

Do you still do that?

You know perfectly well

I still do that.

You've got more hair.

I don't think so.

What is it? Plugs? A rug?

No. No. Look.

Let's not do this, okay?

Please.

I'm just curious. Rogaine?

Hair Club for Men?

I've laid off of your hair.

My hair is perfect.

Yes, it's perfect, if you want to look

like a madame in a saloon in Tombstone.

Oh! A metaphor.

Aren't we literary?

I can't believe that you are still

threatened by people who write books.

My husband writes books. He

doesn't threaten me at all.

You call that self-help

psychobabble that he writes books?

More people read them than

those dime novels of yours.

The Tao of Divorce? Who is

this guy tryin' to kid?

That book has saved thousands of marriages.

None of which was ours.

Ours was beyond saving.

I would say so,

when the counselor's trying

to put the make on my wife.

That was long after

you were off with Rowena,

humping like

a middle-aged mink.

After we go in for a session,

and the man who was supposed to

save my marriage of 14 years...

tells me he wants to interface

to talk about his feelings.

What a load. Because his feeling is

that he can make my wife happier.

And I'm paying the guy to hear this.

Bullshit!

You bounced the check!

Wouldn't you?

You are so pathetically

jealous of Alan...

just because he's

a national phenomenon.

At least I had the maturity

not to marry a bauble.

She is a top interior designer!

Oh, come on!

She made our apartment look

like a Greek whorehouse!

I would never have

touched Rowena

if you hadn't thrown yourself

at Dr. Feelgood first!

First? I was never first!

You were first, Lillian!

I was the faithful one! Faithful

like a Kennedy is faithful!

I was faithful,

and, boy, am I sorry now.

Do you know who

I could have slept with?

I could have had the entire

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

I turned down a Beatle for you!

I remember Ringo being on a bender!

Stop it! Stop now!

He started it! Right now!

No! She did! No! Look, look!

If you can't do it, then go

outside and cool it off.

You're asking us to take it outside?

We are outside!

That's stunningly obvious.

All right, move it!

Well, now, these are people

who are dialoguing.

It's so important to dialogue and

to language with each other.

This is my wedding!

Don't you dare

ruin this for me!

You may not come back here 'til you

can hold a civil conversation.

All I can say is, I am glad that

I'm marrying into Keith's family.

Look what you did!

And you behaved yourself?

You'd scare a piranha!

I was totally

and completely civil!

You wrecked Molly's wedding!

You wrecked it by showing up.

I suppose you think you

should have given her away.

You have the balls for it.

Aah! Aaah!

You bastard! Let go of me!

Why don't you whistle for your broomstick?

Maybe it'll come and get ya.

Let go! I know all

about that right hook.

Oh! Ah! Sutures!

You had a scalp lift,

you vain son of a b*tch!

You picked up a few pounds,

huh, fatty?

Put me down!

Take your hands off me!

Go ahead. Try something!

Take your hands off me!

So... So... So...

It's sick. It's sick.

It's really sick.

We've got to stop. It's wrong.

It's my worst nightmare.

Stop. Stop.

We've got to stop.

You're right.

Oh!

Keith, what was going on out there?

Looked kind of heated.

Theatrical people. They

shout hello to each other.

Boy, that cannot happen again.

We're going to have

to see them in shifts.

We can't have them doing that in public.

I'll get roasted by the press.

I hope they kill each other.

Are you all right? Oh, yeah!

Yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Call me irresponsible

Call me unreliable

Go on and throw in

undependable

Too

Well, do my foolish alibis

Come on. Admit it.

Isn't it great not having

that penned up anymore?

Bore you

You poor thing.

Are you all right?

You don't even

have to talk about it.

I know what it must have been like trapped

out there with that wicked tongue.

I hope you gave it right back

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes