That Sinking Feeling Page #2

---

with skill, courage and determination.

What's up?

It's quite choppy today, isn't it?

I'm sorry to be a bother, Ronnie,

but I'm just not a very good sailor.

I'm very keen on the job, though.

It sounds fine.

I'd be fine if I was sick.

Come in, number seven, your time's up!

Keep away fae thae swans. They're evil.

They can break your arms

with their muzzles.

- Beaks.

- Aye, beaks. Ducks aren't so vicious.

- Hey, where's New York?

- 3,000 miles that way.

- Where's Australia?

- 12,000 miles that way.

- Where's China?

- 5,000 miles that way.

Ask me the capital of Ethiopia.

OK, what's the capital of Ethiopia?

Addis Ababa.

- What's six and eight?

- 14.

Rubbish! Naewhere near it.

- Aye, it is.

- You're miles off it.

- No, I'm not.

- It's naewhere near 14.

Hey!

One of us should talk tae Simmy

and gie him the details.

Tell him about the key

for the warehouse door.

- And the signal to get the gate open.

- Tell him to get the door down quick.

Right. Where will he be?

Up at the Arts Centre.

He looks after the bees.

That's ideal for secret discussions.

It's up on the roof.

It's a good, quiet place to talk.

- Right.

- Right.

All things bright and beautiful...

- Who was that masked man?

- Search me.

Come on. Yeah, come on.

Come on. Sit doon.

Coochie, coochie, coochie...

Coochie, coochie, coochie coo.

Coochie, coochie, coochie coo.

I've got the plan.

If I go get the key for the watchman,

we'll pass it on to the guy

on the inside, the little guy.

He'll go to the back gate

and tap out the signal. Three taps.

The van goes in, the gate

comes down again. Really quick.

Ronnie'll show you the stuff to take.

Just the sinks, nothing else.

What are you daein' here?

What are you daein' here, you mug?

I came to tell Simmy

what you've been sayin'.

I forgot about the two taps.

It's a good job you remembered.

Aye.

It's good to have you with us.

It's a big job, but it's simple

and that's the beauty of it.

We're all going to be rich.

Have you finished with this roll here?

Big, big money.

Capital for anything you want.

I'm going to make you rich. Come on.

Two coffees and a roll and sausage,

wasn't it?

- Yeah.

- 57 pence, please.

I wonder if you could take care

of the coffees?

Look, I've left my wallet

in my other jacket pocket.

I'll square you up later. I'm sorry.

You're a screwball!

Big money, eh?

Lots of capital, do what you want!

- You cannae even buy me a coffee?

- I'm sorry.

How do you expect to do a robbery and

you can't even buy me a cup of coffee?

That's what we're daein' it for.

We've nae money just noo!

Can't do a robbery without money!

I'm in the gang two minutes,

two minutes and I'm losing already!

OK, lads,

can I have your attention, please?

Come on, a wee bit of hush, attention!

Will you shut up

and give me your attention?

Down...

Will you shut up!

Right, lads,

the boss wants a word with you.

Thanks.

I'd just like to say you're doing

a great job. Keep up the good work.

Thanks.

What does it do?

It puts the alarm system

out of action completely.

How does it work?

You find the main fuse box

inside the warehouse.

- Yeah.

- Locate the fuse for the alarm circuit.

- Yeah.

- Then you throw this box at it.

- It should knock it tae f***!

- Yeah.

Hey, what does that dae?

It puts the alarm system

out of action completely.

Head up. Swing your arm.

- Wal, stop muckin' about.

- I'm no' muckin' about!

- Aye, you are.

- I'm no'!

We've got dresses to try on and make-up.

I'm tryin' my best!

- What else have we got to do?

- Have you got the clothes?

- Aye. You?

- Aye.

- Everything ready?

- Aye.

But... how do you become a girl?

Convince yourself first

before anything else.

- Tell yourself you're a girl.

- How?

- 'I'm a girl.' Say it.

- I'm a girl.

- That's it. Try, Wal. It helps.

- I'm a girl.

I'm a girl. I'm a girl.

- Wal, try it.

- No, I'm no' sayin' that.

- Wal!

- No!

- I'm a girl.

- You're an eejit!

I'm a girl. I'm a girl.

- You like this, don't you?

- No... Aye, I'm a girl. I'm a girl.

- Try it.

- No!

I'm a girl. I'm a girl.

- Wal, try it.

- No!

Oh, no.

It's a three-week high-protein diet.

It was in last week's Vanity Fair.

Is anything worrying you just now?

Are you quite happy?

Well, there was one or two things

I wanted to talk to you about.

Would you wear a brown skirt

with a red top,

say, a really deep red, kind of maroon

with maybe grey tights?

Vic, what's wrong with you?

Aye, right, brown tights.

It needs to be brown tights. Brown tights.

What's up?

Look, Mary, it's good.

It'll bring us closer together.

We'll be able to share things,

talk about the same things,

make-up and frocks.

- We can be real buddies.

- I've got girlfriends for that!

It's meant to be different with you.

Look, I know what I'm doing.

It's gonnae work out fine.

Tell me. Talk to me about it.

I'm just interested in girls.

I mean, I like them.

You don't have to BE one!

Of course not. I'm a boy.

I'm a boy. I'm a boy!

- I want my lipstick back.

- Eh?

The one you took from my bag last night

when we were saying 'good night'.

I'm still a good kisser, eh?

- What's goin' on, Vic? Eh?

- I'll tell you soon.

- Tell me now!

- Soon!

What do you fancy?

I've set my heart on ten days

in Barbados.

Very nice.

It's a four-star hotel,

full board, return flight for, eh...

...just over four sinks. It's no' bad.

Ah, but look,

if you put in an extra sink,

you can get the African safari

with five nights in Nairobi.

I don't know.

It's awful difficult to choose.

Here, what are you gonnae dae

wi' your sinks?

I've got my eye on a lovely, wee CSL.

- Oh.

- A guitar, you know?

- An amplifier box.

- Mm-hm.

A wah-wah pedal, you know? Wah-wah!

I've even got the plectrum.

Show me.

Aye, very good.

Huh! Give us a tune.

Da-na-na, dan-dan-dan

I don't want a holiday in the sun

I wanna go to the new Belsen...

I'm a boy. I'm a boy.

I'm a boy!

Does it involve other boys?

No, of course not.

It's just me.

How's Vicky?

I've got my sister's shoes.

She won't miss them at the weekend.

Not now, Alec. Later.

But it's about the brassiere.

I could only get a 36B.

There's hunners o' room in the straps.

It'll fit you OK.

Have you got the lipstick for Wal?

You said you'd get it for him.

He cannae get lipstick.

You said you'd get it.

You away, Mary?

What about thae tights?

Did you get the red ones?

- What about the van?

- Bobby's fine.

Two days' notice is all he needs.

Everything's worked out.

15th floor. Be here in a minute.

What's he gonnae do?

His driver always has tea from a flask.

He'll put something in it, knock him out.

- The van's his.

- What's he gonnae knock...

How are you, boys?

What's he gonnae knock him out with?

Chemicals. A special mixture.

Bobby knows what he's doing.

Don't worry. It's guaranteed.

Is the van driver guaranteed

to wake up again?

Aye, Bobby knows the score.

Two days' notice he wants?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes