The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T. Page #4

One by one,

Dr. Terwilliker catches them...

brings them down here

and locks them up.

Pretty soon there will be

no musicians left in this world...

excepting for them

what play the piano.

I'm taking you back

to Dr. Terwilliker.

Attention, all guards!

The number one boy

is in the lower dungeons.

Bring him in, dead or alive!

Attention, all guards!

The number one boy

is in the lower dungeons!

Bring him in, dead or alive!

So, you didn't believe me.

- Your life isn't worth a pastoola.

- People should always believe in kids.

- They should even believe their lies.

- Now are you gonna help me?

From here on in, partner,

we're in this thing together.

- You've welched out on me before.

- But I give you my word of honor.

I'm taking no chances.

We're gonna seal this oath in blood.

Won't that be

a little messy?

Oh, no, Bart, not after four years

in the army. I don't have to-

- Give me your thumb.

- Ouch.

- Doesn't really hurt.

- It does so.

Do you, Mr. Zabladowski,

promise to be...

- trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly?

- I do.

- Courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful?

- I do.

- Thrifty, brave, clean and reverent?

- I do.

Well, that's it, Pop.

- ""Pop''?

- This makes you my old man.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

I guess it does at that.

Then let's get going.

We've got to save your wife.

My ""wife''?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, my wife.

Come on.

Wait a second. There's a whole

regiment of soldiers out there.

- Any other way to get to headquarters?

- There's one other way.

Follow me.

Come on.

We might need this.

Mom.

Wake up. Wake up.

Why, Bartholomew.

Go away!

Don't let him catch you!

- Go home!

- Don't worry. We're all going home!

""All going home''?

Who is this with you?

August Zabladowski, your plumber

and husband. Stand back.

- Thank you, dear August.

- Thank you, my dear-

- Say, what is her first name?

- It's Eloise.

Come on. There's no time

for any mush stuff.

We can't get out. The twins

are at the end of the tunnel.

The twins, huh? I'm getting sick

and tired of being pushed around.

- Get me a snort of that pickle juice.

- You shouldn't drink it. It's dynamite.

Go on. Get it.

I'll show those Siamese hooligans.

If they want to fight on skates,

I'll fight 'em on skates.

Here's to our future,

if we have one.

Now, now,just don't be

too heroic, dear August.

- August, you were magnificent!

- We're a magnificent family.

- Come on. Let's get out of here.

- Yeah, Pop!

We won, we won, we won!

I, on the other hand...

am inclined to

doubt that statement.

You play a rather spirited game,

Mr. Plumber...

but the final score

is the thing that counts.

My side is still on top.

Your side is on the bottom.

Terwilliker Institute

- Hooray for us

- Hooray for us

- Hurrah for us

- Hurrah for us

We're rough, we're tough

we're on the ball

We're gruesome one

We're gruesome all

Unthinkable, stinkable, horrible us

Hooray, we are victorious

Victorious

Now isn't that too glorious

Our nasty team notorious

Us gruesome, grimy, gory us

Us stinkers are victorious

We ain't too neat

We ain't too bright

But nevertheless

we won tonight

Unthinkable, stinkable, horrible us

Hooray, we are victorious

Victorious

Terwilliker, we sing to thee

Our cruel, black hearts

we bring to thee

For crime and slimy villainy

Terwilliker Academy

Oh, the walls are green with ivy

down at Harvard

And down at Princeton

and old Purdue

In old Purdue

So what, they think they're smart

with all their ivy

Us at Terwilliker got ivy too

Got ivy too

Yeah, hail to thee

our hallowed halls

We got poison ivy walls

Pooh on Harvard, Yale and such

We got ivy they can't touch

Poison-ivy-covered walls

Hail to thee our hallowed halls

Hallowed halls

Terwilliker

Thy name we praise

We love thy foul

and loathsome ways

Thy crummy criminality

Terwilliker Academy

Alma mater

Alma mater

Never, ever could be greater

Rotten as a bad tomater

Alma mater

We're rough, we're tough

we're on the ball

We're gruesome one

We're gruesome all

Unthinkable, stinkable, horrible us

Hooray, hooray

We are victorious

Alas, poorjudson.

Alas, poor Whitney.

I knew them.

Fellows of infinite jest,

of most excellent fancy.

My gorge rises at their fate!

You shall be avenged!

Tomorrow's opening concert...

will be dedicated

to your memory.

And you will return

to your lock-me-tight.

You will remain there until I release

you for the official grand opening.

The work for the ""happy finger''

method must go on.

And you, and you will follow me!

Allow me to express

my deepest appreciation, pal.

Without your kind assistance,

I never would have been here at all.

Down, please.

First floor dungeon

Assorted simple tortures

Molten lead, chopping blocks

And hot, boiling oil

Second floor dungeon

jewelry department

Leg chains, ankle chains

Neck chains, wrist chains

Thumb screws and nooses

Of the very finest rope

Basement dungeon

Everybody

Out

I'm sure you'll find this

a most fascinating dungeon.

That lovely rumbling sound

is one of my favorite prisoners.

He was a bass drummer in an orchestra

I conducted. Had a very bad habit.

Do you know that part

in Beethoven's Fifth Symphony...

where the drummer is supposed

to go boom-boom-boom-boom?

This stupid lout always went

boom-boom-boom-boom-a-boom.

One extra boom, you know.

He'll be here forever.

You mean he has to keep

beating that drum forever?

Oh, that isn't

the man I'm punishing.

My man is inside the drum.

Please, Dr. Terwilliker,

let me out!

Let me out!

And I'm sure you're eager

to get settled in your cage.

Now, let me see,

where do we have a vacancy?

How about apartment 22-j?

A capital suggestion,

Stroogo!

One of our finest.

- In there?

- I'm sure you'll find it very cozy.

There was nary a complaint

from our last five tenants.

Now then, farewell,

Mr. Plumber.

Our paths

will never cross again.

But as for you, young man,

every morning at dawn...

you will be dragged

upstairs to my piano!

But the other children must be arriving.

I must hurry and dress.

Are you prepared?

Let me see your fingers!

Are they limber?

Are they happy?

Ten little dancing maidens

dancing, oh, so fine

Ten happy fingers

and they're mine, all mine

They're mine, they're mine

Now, isn't that just fine

Not three, not five

Not seven nor not nine

I'm sorry I got you

into this, Pop.

It's not, quite frankly,

a wholesome situation.

I'm under the impression

that a number of frogs, toads...

and possibly dinosaurs

have died...

and lie unburied

in our immediate vicinity.

Fortunately, though,

I do have my bottle of Air Fix.

It does smell better.

- How does that thing work?

- It's a simple, scientific principle.

Say, for instance, an obnoxious

odor is lurking there.

I raise the cork

from my bottle...

a tiny, invisible hand

reaches up from the bottle...

it pounces, smell's in the bottle

and nobody smells it.

Say, maybe something

like this is the answer.

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