The 7.39 Page #3

Just cos we're getting married,

he doesn't need to know everything

about me.

Except he does.

I think that's sort of

the point, babe.

Ryan.

Can I at least take my coat off?

Not tonight, Ryan, please.

I've got a Zumba migraine.

I've cancelled the castle.

You have? Mm-hm.

No white horses, no helicopters,

no bagpipes.

Just you and me.

God, I love you.

What is this terrible music?

My new playlist!

For legs, bums and tums.

Legs, bums and tums. God help me.

Did the trick though.

Here's hoping, right?

You know, Ryan, most men don't

want their brides

pregnant on their wedding day.

I do. Great.

Little foetal bridesmaid.

Well, there's a disturbing image.

Well...

we can't hang about.

That's what the spare room's for.

So this isn't an official warning?

No, I'm afraid it's not, no.

I mean, obviously we'll pay you to

the end of the month.

Bryony's nine months old.

I know that. It's just...

If you're not on the ball,

if the work's not right...

I can be, it will be.

We're up all night.

I'm knackered, that's why I...

It's just, it's not...

I can't go home and tell her this.

We've just bought a flat.

If there's anything I can do...

Not sack me?

No, I mean in terms of references,

putting a word in? You could not sack me.

It's out of my hands.

So it's someone else's decision?

Who is it?

Is it Findlay's?

No, no, it's... it's my bad.

"My bad"?

F*** off, Carl.

Fair enough.

He took me to the student union

canteen, which was self-service.

And we stood next to each other

with our trays,

little bit self-conscious, and he

said, "You can have whatever you want.

"Soup and a roll, main,

sponge pudding, knock yourself out. "

I never said any of that.

We had cod in parsley sauce and

I thought, "He's a catch.

"He's a keeper. " And he was,

God help me.

Just so you know I'm going to be late one

night a week from now on. Oh, why's that?

He's having an affair.

Adam, I'm eating.

As a matter of fact,

I've joined a gym.

Right.

OK, screwdriver.

Scalpel, forceps,

nurse, mop my brow!

This is a Stanley head.

I need a Philips head screwdriver.

I'll put the grill on. NO! No grill!

I don't even like barbecue.

Why can't... Got to be white hot,

hasn't it?

It's basically like burnt food. It'd be

quicker to put the sausages on the radiator.

So can I go now? No! What's so

urgent? Just a party!

I'm not asking to come, I'm just

curious.

I'm just trying to make conversation

with my favourite son. Can I go too?

Look, I'm trying to cook us all supper here.

It's going to taste like paraffin anyway.

You know why he can't put the grill

on? The grill represents failure.

Pack it in, Adam, will you?!

For Christ's sake, all week I'm up

and down on that train

and all I want is just one night

of conversation with my children.

You know, without "I don't like it"

and "Can I leave now?"

Is that too much to ask for, eh?

Is that too strange?

So freakishly bizarre?

Mmmm.

Paraffiny.

Is it about me?

No, it's never about you.

Is it about the kids then?

No, not just the kids... I'm just...

I'm exhausted, that's all.

You've been exhausted for the last

15 years.

Which is exactly my point.

I work hard too, you know.

I know, I know. I don't know if

you've noticed, it's not without stress

and I don't take it out on the kids.

I know, I know. I appreciate it.

Look, come here.

I'll apologise. OK?

Maybe we need a holiday.

The trouble with holidays

is you've got to come back.

Oh, God, Carl...

I just...

You know, I just want some normal,

straightforward family life.

That's all.

This is it. This is what it is.

Now, will you promise me one thing?

That you will never barbecue

anything ever again.

No.

Carl, any chance of a quick word?

Oh, I'm just on my way out.

Oh, really? Why's that then?

Job interview?

No, Charlotte -

it's a school concert.

Isn't that what the lady wife

is for?

I'll get in early tomorrow.

Part-timer!

We shut at 6:
15.

Yeah, if you arrive by six,

you should be able to...

Hi. Can I help?

Yeah, my name's Carl Matthews.

I'm here for an evaluation

with Sally Thorn.

Ah, the notorious Carl.

Pardon?

Yes, I'll take over from here,

thank you.

Mr Matthews. Miss Thorn.

So this is what happens.

You join and for a while

you're here four times a week,

then three, then two,

then once a week, then hardly ever.

But you feel guilty

and can't be bothered

to cancel your membership

so we keep taking your money

until you finally give up

out of pure shame.

So, where do I sign?

There and there.

Sorry!

There you go. OK.

Now, do you exercise?

Well...

I run for the train.

To be fair, I've never seen you run.

OK. Well, I used to

play a bit of football.

A footballer? When?

Eh... 1983.

"Weekly alcohol consumption?"

A glass of wine is two units.

Well, I fill a recycling bin.

So what's that, about 20?

We add ten.

And now just so I don't have to give

you mouth-to-mouth first time out,

any medical concerns?

I don't know, probably.

I've started making this

little noise when I stand up.

And if I sit down too quickly,

a button flies off.

Oh, and I grind my teeth at night

and wake up with my fists clenched.

But... All right.

Let's get started then, shall we?

Doesn't this music drive you mad?

On a loop for nine hours?

I close my eyes at night

and all I can hear is nts-nts-nts!

Go on, keep going.

So, what do you think?

I'm especially liking that face

you're pulling.

It's like passing a gallstone!

It seems quite impressive to me.

Uh-huh.

There's no way you could lift this.

Let's move on, shall we?

No, you couldn't lift this.

This is very childish.

Go on, then.

I don't want to embarrass you.

No, go on.

A pint says you couldn't lift that.

So unprofessional.

No way!

Well, I've been doing all the others,

haven't I?

Oh, you can stop now,

I'll buy you a pint.

That was unbelievable.

You're like some bricky or something.

Oh, thank you!

Next time I'm going to

look at your swimming. You can swim?

Have you ever seen otters at play?

So, shall I walk you home?

No, I can look after myself.

I saw that!

You could probably

kick the crap out of me.

Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Oh!

Ow!

Oh... ah.

Did I tell you I made a new friend

on the train?

"Made a new friend"?

What are you, nine?

Do you want him to come over

for a play date?

Actually, his name is Sally.

Oh! Well, you're a grown man.

Not sleeping with her, are you?

She's not my type.

I'd like to think

that's not the only reason.

Eh?

Entirely self-taught.

Yeah, I sort of guessed that.

Ugh, I'm exhausted.

Well, I've pinpointed what's wrong

and it's everything.

That bad, eh?

Beyond repair, sorry.

Ryan teaches swimming.

You should talk to him about it.

Ryan? Oh, Ryan.

Is there anything he can't do?

A few things.

He used to teach Xtreme Body Pump

here on Thursday nights.

Xtreme Body Pump?!

Mm, with a capital X.

That's where we met.

He complimented me

on my Body Mass Index.

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