![Find The Absent Minded Professor on Amazon](https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BNjVjNmE3ZWMtMjRlMS00MGVjLWFkZGItZTQyOGVkYzg2MzVmXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNjE5MjUyOTM@._V1_SX300.jpg)
The Absent Minded Professor
- APPROVED
- Year:
- 1961
- 92 min
- 393 Views
Energy takes on many forms.
Example. What do we know
of acoustical energy?
lt was discovered by a famous
scientist, right? Wrong.
We must give credit
to an Italian
aria in a Milano pizza parlor.
You know the story.
How he hit a high note and the
on the other side of the room?
Watch me, and I will show you
acoustical energy at work.
[ Plays note ]
Now, your next assignment
will be...
Oh, I forgot.
There'll be no assignment.
See you next week.
Here we are.
The beginning of the end.
Point of no return.
The last mile.
Now, Shelby.
All right.
"Of all sad words
of tongue and pen,
the saddest are these.
"It might have been."
Shelby, you promised.
Now stop.
Did I promise to
stop loving you?
Open the door and let me out.
Suppose he doesn't
show up this time.
Oh, Reverend,
how nice to see you.
You must be getting
tired of my wedding.
Third time's the charm,
they say.
But I am glad that this time
you brought the bridegroom
with you.
At last we meet,
Professor Brainard.
No, this is Professor Ashton.
He's Romance Languages.
Professor Brainard
is Physical Chemistry.
Oh, dear me, I seem
to have made a mistake.
Not you, sir.
It's Miss Carlisle's mistake.
I've just been trying to
talk her out of this blunder.
Shelby, you are speaking
of the man I love.
Love, darling, is a bouquet
of fragrant hyacinths.
Not a beaker of hydrogen.
Am I right, sir?
I don't take sides.
WOMAN:
Betsy!
Well, well,
here comes the bride.
-Reverend.
-Good evening, sir.
Professor Ashton
from Rutland University.
Aren't you on the wrong campus?
Yes, yes, I remember.
There was talk that you were
a contender for Betsy's hand.
Rutland can't win them all.
Oh, it was so sweet of you
to go to all this trouble.
And for the third time, too.
Well, you know,
third time's the charm.
That's exactly what I just said.
I'm sick of having
a spinster for a secretary.
I better change.
The guests will be coming soon.
The bridegroom, too, I hope.
I've alerted his housekeeper.
She'll see that he gets here.
[ Humming Wagner's
"Bridal Chorus" ]
# The ring is in
your right-side pocket #
Professor!
Professor Brainard!
[ Humming Wagner's
"Bridal Chorus" ]
# Square root of "E" minus "C,"
alpha "G" #
[ Fluctuating tone ]
No.
No, don't stop.
Don't stop.
Keep going.
Keep going.
Please don't stop.
Oh, not again.
Professor?
# Bum bum-bum-bum #
Time for you to get dressed.
Just five more minutes,
Mrs. Chatsworth.
Professor, well, heavens,
what are you doing?
I'm trying to solve
the secrets of the universe.
And failing.
Failing miserably.
You're stopping.
Do you know what time it is?
You've been working
all afternoon.
Mrs. Chatsworth, I've been
working for three months.
Pardon me.
I've been working on
something very important.
More important, I suppose,
than getting married?
Oh! Mrs. Chatsworth, I don't
know what I'd do without you.
Oh, you're getting
a wonderful girl.
If you ask me,
she's too good for you.
Thanks, Mrs. Chatsworth.
I love you, too.
I'll be in
in the morning to feed the dog.
-What's the matter with me?
-Is anything wrong?
What a lunkhead. Instead
of minus, it should be plus.
So, the molecular
configuration of "A"...
...is almost the same
as that of "B."
Therefore, if I don't
worry about "A"
throwing off free hydrogen,
it could stand
a few degrees more centigrade.
Remember, I promised that sweet
girl I'd have you there on time.
Yes, Mrs. Chatsworth.
And, Professor,
may I say happy honeymoon?
You certainly may,
Mrs. Chatsworth.
And the same to you.
Miscalculation has been staring
me in the face for weeks.
Can't see the forest
for the trees.
Right, Charlie?
All right, Charlie.
Cross your fingers.
Now. Good.
Good.
Very good.
182. That's good.
Yes.
Yes.
Now we're cooking, Charlie!
We may be in business yet!
[ Humming Wagner's
"Bridal Chorus" ]
[ Ringing ]
WOMAN:
It's just awful.Poor darling.
What ails the man?
Missing his own wedding
three times.
You know the old saying.
Third time's the charm.
I say three strikes
and you're out!
Thank you all for coming.
I'll return your presents.
I hope you can get
your money back.
I'm sorry.
After all the trouble
you've gone to.
I'll be at the office at
the usual time in the morning.
l want to go on as if
nothing has happened.
Shelby, I don't seem
to have an escort.
Would you mind waiting?
I'm yours to command.
Oh, Betsy.
Oh, hello, Charlie.
Go back to bed now.
Let's go back to sleep, hmm?
What happened?
What happened?
Well, that's the end of that.
[ Hissing, burbling ]
Get away, Charlie.
Get away, Charlie.
I'm not sure what
we've got here, Charlie,
but if we've got what I think
we've got, we've got something.
There's one way to find out.
Ready?
Yes!
Yes, Charlie!
We've got it!
Do you see?
lt's not going lower and lower.
You know what that means?
It means just one thing.
It's generating its own energy.
You know what that means,
Charlie?
It means we've discovered
a new kind of energy!
A new kind of energy, Charlie.
It's a breakthrough!
A breakthrough, Charlie!
Discovered. Substance "X."
In appearance, subscribes
to classical requirements
of metastable compound,
but whose behavior
is distinctly nonclassical.
Hypothesis. The application
of an external force
triggers a molecular change,
liberating energy
of a type previously unknown.
I suppose you think
these are just rubber balls.
Or maybe a flying rubber ball.
But you know what
this really is?
Of course you don't.
We just discovered it.
We've got to give it a name.
Let's see.
Flying rubber.
Flying rubber.
Flubber?
All right.
Substance "X."
We dub thee "Flubber."
If Flubber's going
to be of any use,
we've got to control it, right?
So, you take an ordinary
radioactive isotope.
Now a sliding shutter
to let the right amount
of gamma rays through
to bombard the Flubber.
Now, we put it under here
so that we can bombard
to trigger
the molecular change.
Which is more scientific
than kicking it
or bouncing it around the room.
All right.
Here we go.
Eureka!
It works.
Perfect control.
Now we ease off
on the gamma rays.
And back to Earth.
Light as a daisy.
Just as I thought.
Just as I thought, Charlie.
Weight makes
absolutely no difference.
Just shoot up
Isn't that wonderful,
Charlie?
Professor!
Are you still here?
What about the wedding?
I can still make it.
It's 5 minutes to 8:00.
Yes, 5 minutes to 8:00.
In the morning.
In the morning?
No.
No, I didn't do it again.
I got to go and see Betsy
and tell her what happened.
Translation
Translate and read this script in other languages:
Select another language:
- - Select -
- 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
- 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
- Español (Spanish)
- Esperanto (Esperanto)
- 日本語 (Japanese)
- Português (Portuguese)
- Deutsch (German)
- العربية (Arabic)
- Français (French)
- Русский (Russian)
- ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
- 한국어 (Korean)
- עברית (Hebrew)
- Gaeilge (Irish)
- Українська (Ukrainian)
- اردو (Urdu)
- Magyar (Hungarian)
- मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
- Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Italiano (Italian)
- தமிழ் (Tamil)
- Türkçe (Turkish)
- తెలుగు (Telugu)
- ภาษาไทย (Thai)
- Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
- Čeština (Czech)
- Polski (Polish)
- Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Românește (Romanian)
- Nederlands (Dutch)
- Ελληνικά (Greek)
- Latinum (Latin)
- Svenska (Swedish)
- Dansk (Danish)
- Suomi (Finnish)
- فارسی (Persian)
- ייִדיש (Yiddish)
- հայերեն (Armenian)
- Norsk (Norwegian)
- English (English)
Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
Style:MLAChicagoAPA
"The Absent Minded Professor" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 6 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_absent_minded_professor_2169>.
Discuss this script with the community:
Report Comment
We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.
If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly.
Attachment
You need to be logged in to favorite.
Log In