The Absent Minded Professor

Energy takes on many forms.

Example. What do we know

of acoustical energy?

lt was discovered by a famous

scientist, right? Wrong.

We must give credit

to an Italian

who one night was singing an

aria in a Milano pizza parlor.

You know the story.

How he hit a high note and the

sound waves shattered a glass

on the other side of the room?

Watch me, and I will show you

acoustical energy at work.

[ Plays note ]

[ Plays higher note ]

[ Plays higher note ]

[ Plays higher note ]

[ Plays higher note ]

Now, your next assignment

will be...

Oh, I forgot.

There'll be no assignment.

See you next week.

Here we are.

The beginning of the end.

Point of no return.

The last mile.

Now, Shelby.

All right.

"Of all sad words

of tongue and pen,

the saddest are these.

"It might have been."

Shelby, you promised.

Now stop.

Did I promise to

stop loving you?

Open the door and let me out.

Suppose he doesn't

show up this time.

Oh, Reverend,

how nice to see you.

You must be getting

tired of my wedding.

Third time's the charm,

they say.

But I am glad that this time

you brought the bridegroom

with you.

At last we meet,

Professor Brainard.

No, this is Professor Ashton.

He's Romance Languages.

Professor Brainard

is Physical Chemistry.

Oh, dear me, I seem

to have made a mistake.

Not you, sir.

It's Miss Carlisle's mistake.

I've just been trying to

talk her out of this blunder.

Shelby, you are speaking

of the man I love.

Love, darling, is a bouquet

of fragrant hyacinths.

Not a beaker of hydrogen.

Am I right, sir?

I merely perform the service.

I don't take sides.

WOMAN:

Betsy!

Well, well,

here comes the bride.

-Reverend.

-Good evening, sir.

Professor Ashton

from Rutland University.

Aren't you on the wrong campus?

Miss Carlisle invited me.

Yes, yes, I remember.

There was talk that you were

a contender for Betsy's hand.

Rutland can't win them all.

Oh, it was so sweet of you

to go to all this trouble.

And for the third time, too.

Well, you know,

third time's the charm.

That's exactly what I just said.

I'm sick of having

a spinster for a secretary.

I better change.

The guests will be coming soon.

The bridegroom, too, I hope.

I've alerted his housekeeper.

She'll see that he gets here.

[ Humming Wagner's

"Bridal Chorus" ]

# The ring is in

your right-side pocket #

Professor!

Professor Brainard!

[ Humming Wagner's

"Bridal Chorus" ]

# Square root of "E" minus "C,"

alpha "G" #

[ Fluctuating tone ]

No.

No, don't stop.

Don't stop.

Keep going.

Keep going.

Please don't stop.

Oh, not again.

Professor?

# Bum bum-bum-bum #

Time for you to get dressed.

Just five more minutes,

Mrs. Chatsworth.

Professor, well, heavens,

what are you doing?

I'm trying to solve

the secrets of the universe.

And failing.

Failing miserably.

You're stopping.

Do you know what time it is?

You've been working

all afternoon.

Mrs. Chatsworth, I've been

working for three months.

Pardon me.

I've been working on

something very important.

More important, I suppose,

than getting married?

Oh! Mrs. Chatsworth, I don't

know what I'd do without you.

Oh, you're getting

a wonderful girl.

If you ask me,

she's too good for you.

Thanks, Mrs. Chatsworth.

I love you, too.

Don't worry about a thing.

I'll be in

in the morning to feed the dog.

-What's the matter with me?

-Is anything wrong?

What a lunkhead. Instead

of minus, it should be plus.

So, the molecular

configuration of "A"...

...is almost the same

as that of "B."

Therefore, if I don't

worry about "A"

throwing off free hydrogen,

it could stand

a few degrees more centigrade.

Remember, I promised that sweet

girl I'd have you there on time.

Yes, Mrs. Chatsworth.

And, Professor,

may I say happy honeymoon?

You certainly may,

Mrs. Chatsworth.

And the same to you.

Miscalculation has been staring

me in the face for weeks.

Can't see the forest

for the trees.

Right, Charlie?

All right, Charlie.

Cross your fingers.

Now. Good.

Good.

Very good.

182. That's good.

Yes.

Yes.

Now we're cooking, Charlie!

We may be in business yet!

[ Humming Wagner's

"Bridal Chorus" ]

[ Ringing ]

WOMAN:
It's just awful.

Poor darling.

What ails the man?

Missing his own wedding

three times.

He might still show up.

You know the old saying.

Third time's the charm.

I say three strikes

and you're out!

Thank you all for coming.

I'll return your presents.

I hope you can get

your money back.

I'm sorry.

After all the trouble

you've gone to.

I'll be at the office at

the usual time in the morning.

l want to go on as if

nothing has happened.

Shelby, I don't seem

to have an escort.

Would you mind waiting?

I'm yours to command.

Oh, Betsy.

Oh, hello, Charlie.

Go back to bed now.

Let's go back to sleep, hmm?

What happened?

What happened?

Well, that's the end of that.

[ Hissing, burbling ]

Get away, Charlie.

Get away, Charlie.

I'm not sure what

we've got here, Charlie,

but if we've got what I think

we've got, we've got something.

There's one way to find out.

Ready?

Yes!

Yes, Charlie!

We've got it!

Do you see?

lt's not going lower and lower.

It's going higher and higher.

You know what that means?

It means just one thing.

It's generating its own energy.

You know what that means,

Charlie?

It means we've discovered

a new kind of energy!

A new kind of energy, Charlie.

It's a breakthrough!

A breakthrough, Charlie!

Discovered. Substance "X."

In appearance, subscribes

to classical requirements

of metastable compound,

but whose behavior

is distinctly nonclassical.

Hypothesis. The application

of an external force

triggers a molecular change,

liberating energy

of a type previously unknown.

I suppose you think

these are just rubber balls.

Or maybe a flying rubber ball.

But you know what

this really is?

Of course you don't.

We just discovered it.

We've got to give it a name.

Let's see.

Flying rubber.

Flying rubber.

Flubber?

All right.

Substance "X."

We dub thee "Flubber."

If Flubber's going

to be of any use,

we've got to control it, right?

So, you take an ordinary

radioactive isotope.

Now a sliding shutter

to let the right amount

of gamma rays through

to bombard the Flubber.

Now, we put it under here

so that we can bombard

the Flubber with gamma rays

to trigger

the molecular change.

Which is more scientific

than kicking it

or bouncing it around the room.

All right.

Here we go.

Eureka!

It works.

Perfect control.

Now we ease off

on the gamma rays.

And back to Earth.

Light as a daisy.

[ Burbling continues ]

Just as I thought.

Just as I thought, Charlie.

Weight makes

absolutely no difference.

Just shoot up

a few extra gamma rays.

Isn't that wonderful,

Charlie?

Professor!

Are you still here?

What about the wedding?

I can still make it.

It's 5 minutes to 8:00.

Yes, 5 minutes to 8:00.

In the morning.

In the morning?

No.

No, I didn't do it again.

I got to go and see Betsy

and tell her what happened.

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