The Adderall Diaries Page #4

and those a**holes

in their party clothes,

they're all happy about it.

How do you think

that makes me feel?

You're not doing this.

You're not turning it around

to make it about you.

I'm not going to feel guilty

for not keeping your secrets.

My secrets?

What about yours?

All right, look, here you go.

What do you got?

Here's the court hearing

where you were convicted

of seven counts

of neglect and abuse.

Here's the police report

for when I was homeless

'cause you were hiding with

your f***ing replacement family!

Hiding?

I looked everywhere for you.

You were a strung-out

drug addict.

I roamed the streets

tryin' to save your life.

Oh, you were gonna save me?

Yes, save you.

I had to restrain you.

You were tryin'

to kill yourself.

You f***in'

beat the sh*t out of me,

and I was too little

to fight back!

I was grieving.

I was doing my best!

You were grieving?

As if I wasn't!

As if I wasn't f***in' grieving!

You pick at the details, you missed

the entire context of this thing.

- The context?

- Yeah.

The context is you were

a f***in' nightmare!

You were a nightmare!

You made my life a livin' hell.

You terrorized my family.

I'm your family!

I was your f***in' family,

and you f***in' abandoned me!

That's not true!

You're not goin' anywhere.

Get off of me!

F***er!

You son of a b*tch!

I didn't abandon you.

You left home, for god's sake!

You know what, you're right.

You have another family

to take care of.

My father is dead.

I'm a f***ing orphan.

- You don't mean that!

- Yes, I do!

You don't know what

you're sayin' right now.

You're a pathetic old man, and you're

gonna die miserable and alone,

and you f***in' deserve it!

Stephen!

Stephen!

Stephen, come back here!

All at once or slow?

- Hmmm?

- Slow.

F***!

What did you mean

when you told Dr. Shapiro

that Nina wanted Cori

to be sick?

She was...

Inventing illnesses for Cori

to make him go through all these

unnecessary medical procedures,

giving him medications

that were making him sick.

She was poisoning my son.

She didn't like him

on some deep, conflicted level.

I know people

don't want to hear that.

I mean, they can't believe

that a parent would

actually hurt a child.

It happens all the time.

The court system... I mean,

it just makes things

so much worse for the children.

We're taught to believe

that the system

will actually help the child,

that it'll do the right thing,

but it doesn't always.

Sometimes it does the opposite.

I was betrayed and abandoned

by the people that I was

supposed to trust blindly.

When I fought back,

they called me a liar.

No one tells you what

you're supposed to do then.

When you're all alone,

you have to take matters

into your own hands.

If you understand that,

you understand everything.

I always tried to do

the right thing,

even if it was

an impossible decision.

Hey.

You okay?

Yeah.

What is that?

It's Adderall,

Klonopin, Vicodin.

Can I have one?

Lana:

I hate feeling trapped.

Stephen:

I'd never want to trap you.

You can tell me

whatever you want.

You know that, right?

Lana:

I know.

Choke me.

Now?

Yeah.

I don't... I just...

I don't really

feel like that now.

Stephen:

Hey.

I don't want you to do anything

that you don't want to do.

Come here.

Come back.

I just feel at home

with you, so...

I just don't wanna

have to pretend, or...

And I don't want you

to have to pretend anything.

- Just like that?

- Yeah, squeeze.

Right here?

Harder. Harder.

You can't go harder?

I'm trying.

I mean, look.

Come here.

Put your hands there.

- Yeah?

- All right.

- Like that?

- Yeah.

Okay. Now I want you

to press as hard as you can.

It's okay. Just let it out.

Everything he did to you,

I want you to take it out.

Just take it out on me

right now. Do it now.

Do it harder.

Harder. Harder.

Harder.

Harder.

Stephen! Stephen!

Stephen, wake up!

Stephen!

Stephen, please, wake up!

Stephen!

Oh, my god.

- Oh, my god!

- Are you okay?

I love you.

What'd you say?

I love you.

What?

- I can't do this.

- It's okay.

I'm not gonna let

anything happen to you.

Stephen, I can't do this!

It's okay.

Lana:

Steven.

Please, you have to

stop calling me.

I don't wanna talk to you.

I mean it.

Bye.

Jen:
Steve, I just had a meeting

with your publisher,

maybe you remember them.

We waited three hours...

For you.

Um, the bottom line is

penguin does not want

this true crime bullshit,

like I told you,

and they're pulling out

of the original project, too.

Oh, f***!

You have seven days

to return the advance,

and there's nothing else

I can do.

And you need a new editor

because you no longer have one.

I really hope you're able

to get your sh*t together.

F*** you!

Hey, it's Josh, where are you?

I'm trying to save your seat,

but these people are crazy.

Call me.

Sh*t!

Judge:

Have you reached a verdict?

Woman:

We have, your honor.

The defendant will rise.

Proceed.

Woman:
We the jury

find the defendant

guilty of murder

in the first degree.

Woman:
We the jury find the

defendant guilty of murder

in the first degree.

On or about December 1...

- Hey, can I watch this?

- Yeah, sure.

Bailiff,

remove Mr. Reiser

from the courtroom, please.

Thank you.

Wait, take your hands off me.

Wait! I just wanted to say

that I was the best father

that I knew how to be.

I only tried

to protect my children!

Take your hands off me.

I wanted to be the best father

that I could be.

Thanks.

Oh, wow!

Remember this?

Oh!

- Remember that mustang?

- Yep.

Sh*t, that was an awesome car!

Yeah.

Neil Elliott graduated

from the university of natal.

Served as an airborne

meteorologist

with the south African

air force,

worked as a geologist

for two years

before immigrating

to the United States.

What the f*** is this?

Guess he wrote a few books

before I was born.

You know what Hans said

after the verdict?

After the verdict?

"I tried to be the best father

I knew how to be."

That's exactly what

my dad f***in' said.

I mean, can you

f***in' believe that?

I wanted to tell you

I saw your dad the other day

at the hospital

when I was makin' my rounds.

Why was he at the hospital?

I don't know, but he was.

My dad and Hans

are f***in' delusional.

"The best father

I knew how to be"...

What the f***,

like it was all my fault?

All this?

What?

Of the Hans thing,

of the trial, of all that was

so that you could write

about something different.

So what?

Back to me.

You know what he f***in' said,

"I didn't have the right

context."

The right f***ing context?

He said I terrorized

his new family.

Terrorized!

Terrorized is a bad word.

It's not a good word.

You think there's a better

word that describes it?

No. I'm sayin' I've been...

I've, I've thought about it.

I don't have

a good feelin' about it.

I feel like maybe

we f***ed his kids up.

Are you serious? How?

Because they saw us so

out of control all the time.

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