The Adderall Diaries Page #5

We weren't out of control.

- Yeah, we were.

- No, we weren't.

Name one time.

Want me to name one time?

How about that... one time?

You totaled his mustang

in front of the kids.

Now that had to be

terrifying for them.

Are you seriously trying to

make me feel bad about that?

No. All right,

you get the award for the

shittiest father ever, right?

But now you can see him

from a whole new perspective

if you want to, from an adult

perspective, like a real adult.

A real adult like Roger?

That would be better?

I didn't say it would be better.

No, I didn't say that.

What did you say... that we

both started in the same place

and I ended up here

and you ended up...

What, getting everything good?

A wife, kids, all that?

Yeah, hell yeah.

Yeah, I like being a father.

I like it.

Well, your dick works.

That's great.

Congratulations, man.

- You're livin' the f***in' dream.

- How about f*** you, Stephen?

How about that? 'Cause every time

you get in some shitty little way,

you just grab me

and try to drag me

right through it, so f*** you.

Oh, man.

You know what,

you wanted to be a rock star,

and now you f***in'

buy happy meals.

I mean, they're gonna name

mountains after you...

F***in' mount

I-played-it-f***in'-safe.

Look at you. You're exactly

like your f***in' father.

Exactly like him! You're sittin'

here, you're pouting and whining.

You're f***in' spinnin' out, and

you're destroying your own life,

and it's everybody else's f***in' fault.

So f*** you, man,

and don't come around

my family anymore either.

I don't want you

comin' around them no more.

Oh, seriously?

I don't wanna be around your...

...f***in' family.

Man:
The charge is knocked

down to murder ii,

with chance of parole.

If you produce a body,

you have a deal...

Murder ii, no chance of parole.

I didn't want to

kill Nina, but I did.

She was leaving me

for another man.

I was devastated, lost control.

She said

she had never loved me.

That she only

married me to escape Russia.

I took her neck in my hands...

And I crushed it until

I felt her throat collapse.

That was it.

All the anger, all the hatred.

There was just silence.

Lana, can I talk to you?

Hey.

- I'm sorry.

- Don't touch me!

Sorry.

Can I please just...

- Please?

- Talk to Roger.

If you need someone to talk to.

Well, he's not answering

my calls either.

Please? I feel like I'm about

to go underwater, okay?

Can I just...

Please talk to you...

Please?

You're the only person that's

made me feel okay about myself...

In my entire adult life,

and I feel like I know you.

From the first second

I met you, I felt that.

I know it feels that way,

but maybe that's

not a good thing.

Why?

Because you're gonna

take me down with you.

It's just who you are.

Look, I'm f***ed up, okay?

Is that gonna be your excuse

for the rest of your life?

That you're too broken not

to be completely selfish?

Grow some f***ing balls!

At least I'm not pretending

nothing's wrong with me.

Oh, you're pretending plenty.

You just don't see it.

Here's those papers you wanted.

They're pretty enlightening.

Neil on TV:
Okay, you ready for a ride?

Hop on my back.

Come on, man. See if you can stay on.

You ready?

You gotta hold on.

Put your legs around me.

Hold tight.

Ready?

Yeah!

You're the one who should be

in front of the camera.

What are you doin'

hidin' back there?

There she is,

ladies and gentlemen,

the most beautiful woman

in the world.

Just like out of a fairy tale.

Do you remember her like that?

Not much.

She really was the most

beautiful woman I ever saw.

Wave to daddy .

I was your age then, right

before you went to Chicago,

and when she died...

Man, I was so confused

I couldn't stop screamin'.

Yeah, I remember.

You want coffee?

What?

Coffee.

No! What the f***

are you doing?

- Just waiting.

- No.

Dad, you broke into my house.

What the f***?

Well, I wanted to

give you somethin'.

Jesus. I can't...

I can't deal with this

right now.

I'm tryin' to

apologize to you...

Before it's too late.

What does that mean?

I had a bunch of tests done.

I'm dying.

Don't f***in' lie to me!

Will you just f***in'

listen to me?

I'm a sick man.

I wanted to come see you,

make amends with my son.

- Amends?

- Yeah.

What amends are you making?

You're such a martyr.

God, you always have been.

What kid is like that?

Think the world

owes you somethin'.

- Look, dad, I'm exhausted.

- A lot of people look at your life

and think it would be

pretty good, you know.

The New York times

reviews, pretty girls,

everybody kissin' your ass

to be around a hot sh*t writer.

Well, I can kiss all that

good-bye

'cause everything good

in my life

just disappeared

as soon as you showed up!

You wanna blame me?

That's easy.

And what are all the good things

in your life that fell apart...

What do they all have in common?

- Here we go!

- Yeah, you!

I mean, you're a f***in' curse.

You're poison.

You know, everything you touch

you f*** up.

Just get out of my house!

All right.

- Look, I made this for you.

- Get out!

Just promise me

that you'll look at it.

Get out!

- Did you see this...

- Get out of my house!

I will get out of your house,

but you just see for yourself,

all right?

I don't

f***in' have to look at it!

You f***in' hit your father.

What, you wanna fight me, boy?

F***ing fight an old man.

Who the f*** do you think

you're talkin' to?

I'll ruin you!

Come on.

Huh? Come on!

F***in' p*ssy.

Huh?

You f***in' f*ggot.

Huh? You waste of a life!

Come on, hit me!

You wanna kill me so bad,

hit me. Come on. Hit me.

I deserve it. Come on.

Fight me, fight me!

Hit me! Hit me! Come on!

Hit me!!!

Oh, f***!

- F*** you!

- Call 911.

Oh, f*** you!

I'm not f***in' buyin' it!

Ah, Stephen!

All right, all right, all right.

I'm a terrible father.

I'm a terrible father.

Hi, Stephen.

I... I don't know

if I'm ever gonna, you know,

get a chance to see you again,

and even if I do,

we were never so good

at communicating.

So...

Well, there are some things

I wanna tell you, so...

That's why I'm doing this.

You know, that story you tell

about the time

I shaved your head

and I restrained you,

was actually

two different times.

The first time you were

squatting at the house.

It had been empty for a year,

and I needed that money

so badly.

I finally found a buyer,

and I had to show

the house once more

before the deal closed.

I got there,

and you trashed the place.

Thousands of dollars in damage,

and I was so angry that

I hit you and I cut your hair.

You know, afterwards you were

crying in the bathtub.

It was really horrible.

The second time...

I did it to try to stop you

from killin' yourself.

You were livin' on the street

and I came upon you

sittin' outside an arcade

and I asked you

what was up, you know,

what your plans were,

and you said well,

I guess,

I'll just commit suicide.

I had to go to work,

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